ANNOUNCER:

It's time for "My Favorite Husband," starring Lucille Ball.

LIZ:

(GREETING) Jell-O, everybody!

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

MUSIC:

THEME ... THEN OUT BEHIND--

ANNOUNCER:

Yes, it's the gay family series, starring Lucille Ball, with Richard Denning, transcribed and brought to you by the Jell-O family of red-letter desserts.

MUSIC:

FOR JINGLE, IN BG--

SINGERS:

Ohhhhh!
The big red letters stand for the Jell-O family.
Oh, the big red letters stand for the Jell-O family.
That's Jell-O!

WOMAN:

Yum, yum, yum.

SINGERS:

Jell-O puddings.

MAN:

Yum, yum, yum.

SINGERS:

Jell-O tap-pioca puddings. Yes-sir-ee!

MUSIC:

OUT

ANNOUNCER:

And now, Lucille Ball, with Richard Denning, as Liz and George Cooper -- two people who live together, and like it.

MUSIC:

BRISK INTRODUCTION ... THEN BEHIND ANNOUNCER--

ANNOUNCER:

In a little white two-story house located at Three-Twenty-One Bundy Drive in the bustling little suburb of Sheridan Falls, George Cooper is just leaving for the bank.

LIZ:

Goodbye, my little husband. Kiss me, baby. (LONG KISS) Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. ... You'll be home for dinner, won't you?

GEORGE:

(REMEMBERS) Uh-oh, dinner. Er, Liz, I - I forgot to tell you something.

LIZ:

What?

GEORGE:

Now, promise me you won't get mad.

LIZ:

Oh, go ahead. Nothing you say will upset me this morning. I'm in a good mood and I'm gonna stay that way all day long.

GEORGE:

I invited mother to dinner.

LIZ:

(SOURLY) Well, that was a short day. ...

GEORGE:

Now, Liz, you promised you wouldn't get mad.

LIZ:

I'm not mad, but your mother was here for dinner just two days ago.

GEORGE:

That was two weeks ago.

LIZ:

How time flies. ...

GEORGE:

Oh, Liz, really, you're being very unfair. She's coming over to dinner tonight, so - so why don't you just be nice to her?

LIZ:

Okay, George, I'll be nice to her. I'll feed the hand that bites me.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

SOUND:

DINNER TABLE BACKGROUND (DISHES, UTENSILS, ET CETERA)

LIZ:

Spinach, Mother Cooper?

MOTHER:

Thank you, Liz dear.

LIZ:

George, would you like some spinach?

GEORGE:

I don't believe so, Liz.

MOTHER:

(AS IF TO A CHILD, HER VOICE DROPS AN OCTAVE ON "BABY") But, George baby. ... Now we should eat our spinach.

GEORGE:

But I don't like spinach.

MOTHER:

Oh, we must all eat a well-balanced meal to keep our strength up. After all, food is the fuel and your body is the furnace.

LIZ:

Yeah, but George's furnace has turned into a pot-bellied stove. ...

MOTHER:

I must say, Elizabeth, I don't consider that George is overweight at all. In fact, I think he's been looking a little thin and peakèd lately.

LIZ:

(TO HERSELF) Ah, here it comes. ...

MOTHER:

(TO GEORGE) Have you been getting enough to eat, baby?

GEORGE:

Oh, sure, mother.

MOTHER:

(ANOTHER OCTAVE DROP) Well, you don't look like it to me, ba-by. ...

LIZ:

Don't you worry, Mother Cooper. Baby gets his pablum every three hours. ...

MOTHER:

(INDIGNANT) Well!

KATY:

Coffee, anyone?

MOTHER:

Not for George, Katy. It keeps him awake and you know he needs his beauty sleep.

KATY:

Er, coffee, Mrs. Cooper?

LIZ:

No, Katy. It keeps me awake. And you know I need my ugly nap. ...

GEORGE:

All right, Liz. Let's talk about Monday night. What are you having for dinner?

LIZ:

Monday night?

GEORGE:

Oh, no, I forgot to tell you.

LIZ:

What?

GEORGE:

I invited the Atterburys and some important out-of-town clients for dinner.

LIZ:

Oh, well, that isn't so bad, dear. How many extra will there be? Two? Four?

GEORGE:

Ten. ...

LIZ:

Ten?! As in one-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight-nine-ten?!

GEORGE:

Yes. And, er, two of us makes twelve.

LIZ:

Twelve?!

GEORGE:

But, honey, we've had twelve to dinner before.

LIZ:

I know, but -- (LOWERS VOICE) -- I'm afraid Katy will get mad.

KATY:

No, she won't.

LIZ:

(STARTLED) Oh, I thought you were in the kitchen.

KATY:

No, ma'am.

LIZ:

(APOLOGETIC) Well, I know it's short notice, Katy -- it's only two days away -- but do you mind if we have twelve people to dinner Monday night?

KATY:

Not at all. I think it's a wonderful idea.

LIZ:

(SURPRISED) Well, Katy! Are you sure it won't bother you?

KATY:

It won't bother me at all. I leave on my vacation Sunday. ...

LIZ:

Oh, no. I forgot.

GEORGE:

Oh, gosh, what'll we do without Katy?

MOTHER:

(MERRY SARCASM) Oh, that's simple enough. Liz will cook the dinner for twelve people. (CRACKS UP WITH LAUGHTER) ...

GEORGE:

(JOINS IN LAUGHING) Liz cooking for twelve people! Oh, no! (CHUCKLES)

LIZ:

(SOURLY) Well, let's all have a big laugh. It's good for the digestion. Ha ha ha ha! ...

GEORGE:

Now, Liz, don't get sore. You'll have to admit that's a pretty funny idea.

LIZ:

I fail to see what's so amusing about it. I could cook dinner.

MOTHER:

(WITHERING) Of course, dear -- if you knew how to cook. ...

LIZ:

Well, I do know how to cook.

GEORGE:

Oh, Liz--

LIZ:

What was wrong with the meal you just ate?

GEORGE:

(TAKEN ABACK) Liz, did - did you cook dinner tonight?

LIZ:

Certainly. I didn't put too much cheese in the soufflé, did I?

MOTHER:

(SKEPTICAL) Oh, so you made the soufflé, Elizabeth?

LIZ:

Yes. Did you like it?

MOTHER:

Why, it was delicious. In fact, it was so good, I, er-- I wonder if you'd give me your recipe.

LIZ:

I'd be glad to. I'll phone it to you in the morning.

MOTHER:

Oh, no, dear. I'd like it right now.

LIZ:

(UNEASY) Oh. ... Well, uh, you just put all the cheese and things in a bowl, and then - then you take a piece of souf and lay it on the top. ...

MOTHER:

Yes, dear. But you didn't tell me how many eggs you used.

LIZ:

Oh. Eggs. Uh, Katy, you were watching me. How many eggs did I use?

KATY:

Six.

LIZ:

That's right, six eggs! ...

MOTHER:

How much milk?

LIZ:

Uh, milk? Katy--?

KATY:

I wasn't watching. ...

LIZ:

(WOUNDED) Ewww. ... (TO KATY) Well, how many cups did it sound like?

KATY:

It sounded like one cup.

LIZ:

Good ear, Katy. It was one cup.

GEORGE:

(REASONABLY) Look, Liz, why don't you just admit you don't know how to cook and we'll hire someone to come in and get the dinner for us?

LIZ:

(CONCEDES RELUCTANTLY) Well, for twelve people, maybe--

MOTHER:

(TWISTING THE KNIFE) George baby -- since Liz has failed you in your hour of need, why don't you let mother come in and cook for you? I'd be glad to do it.

LIZ:

(DEFIANT) That does it! I'm going to cook the dinner.

GEORGE:

Oh, come off it, Liz.

MOTHER:

(HIGHLY AMUSED) I'd like to see it when you're done! (TITTERS)

LIZ:

Go ahead, laugh! I'll show you! I'll get dinner for twelve people and it'll be the best, the tastiest, the most wonderful dinner you ever saw!

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

GEORGE:

(CALLS) Liz, is my breakfast ready yet?

LIZ:

(APPROACHES) Here you are, George -- bacon, fried eggs, toast, and coffee.

SOUND:

TRAY SET DOWN

GEORGE:

Mmm, this looks wonderful, honey!

LIZ:

Thank you.

GEORGE:

Did you cook all this yourself?

LIZ:

Sure! Nothing to it. Go ahead, dig in.

SOUND:

UTENSILS ON PLATE

GEORGE:

(BEAT) Liz, these eggs are stone cold.

LIZ:

They are? Oh, darn it.

GEORGE:

Well, how could they get so cold? How long ago did you cook them?

LIZ:

Last night.

GEORGE:

Last night?! ...

LIZ:

Well, George, I'm gonna be so busy with the dinner party today, I - I cooked your breakfast last night and quick froze it.

GEORGE:

(DISMAYED) Ohhhh! ...

LIZ:

Well, it's a perfectly good fried egg. I just didn't defrost it enough. ...

GEORGE:

Well, thanks anyway. I'll eat breakfast downtown.

LIZ:

Well, suit yourself.

GEORGE:

Er, Liz, um--?

LIZ:

Mmm?

GEORGE:

About this dinner party. Are you sure you want to go through with it? Maybe we should have someone in to--

LIZ:

(INTERRUPTS) Now, don't worry, George. I have someone to help me.

GEORGE:

Who?

LIZ:

Iris Atterbury. ...

GEORGE:

Oh, brother! I get a great mental picture of you and Iris in the kitchen: two blind mice!

LIZ:

(DEFENSIVE) Never mind. We'll be just fine.

SOUND:

FRONT DOOR OPENS, OFF

IRIS:

(CALLS, FROM OFF) Yoo hoo! Anybody home?!

LIZ:

(CALLS) Oh, we're in the dining room, Iris!

IRIS:

(APPROACHES, A GREETING) Oh, Liz-girl! George-boy. ...

GEORGE:

Hi, Iris. Well, I've got to run or I'll be late.

LIZ:

See you later, dear.

SOUND:

DINING ROOM DOOR CLOSES, OFF

LIZ:

Come on out in the kitchen.

IRIS:

Okay.

SOUND:

KITCHEN DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

IRIS:

What are you going to have, Liz?

LIZ:

Well, I thought I'd have chicken.

IRIS:

Broiled chicken! Oh, I love it!

LIZ:

(WITH MOCK DISDAIN) Iris, please. Does Oscar of the Waldorf have broiled chicken?

IRIS:

I don't know, does he? ...

LIZ:

(GRANDLY) We're having Poulet Amandine.

IRIS:

(BEAT) Huh? ...

LIZ:

(SIMPLY) I have a wonderful French recipe.

IRIS:

Oh, that sounds exciting. Is it hard to do?

LIZ:

No, there's nothing to it. All it calls for is-- Let's see now. For the dressing: onions, butter, eggs, parsley, celery, and either mushrooms or nut meat. I love mushrooms, but I don't have any in the house.

IRIS:

Well, I'll run down to the grocery while you're getting things ready.

LIZ:

Oh, wait a minute! I just remembered. We have some growing in the backyard. ...

IRIS:

Well, that's fine. Fine. Oh, then I won't have to go to the-- Hold it, girl. Are they mushrooms or toadstools? ...

LIZ:

What's the difference? ...

IRIS:

Toadstools are poisonous.

LIZ:

Oh, dear. Well, isn't there any way of finding out if they're toadstools or not?

IRIS:

Oh, sure. I'll go out and eat one. ... If I'm not back in half an hour, use nut meats! ...

LIZ:

Oh, Iris, don't bother. We'll put in some walnuts instead.

IRIS:

Okay.

LIZ:

Well, let's get started. I'll cut the onions.

IRIS:

Well, I'll help you. We'll get done faster.

LIZ:

Okay. Here's an onion for you.

IRIS:

Thanks.

SOUND:

CUTTING ONIONS ... CONTINUES IN BG ... LIZ AND IRIS GROW INCREASINGLY TEARFUL

LIZ:

Oh, you know, I can't understand why people make such a fuss over cooking. There's really nothing to it.

IRIS:

Yeahhhh!

LIZ:

You just follow the recipe and -- poof! -- Chicken Amandine.

IRIS:

Yeah! (SNIFFLES) ... (TEARFUL) Hand me another onion. ...

LIZ:

Here. (TEARFUL) Oh, Iris, I - I didn't know cooking could be such fun. (SNIFFLES) ...

IRIS:

(VERY TEARFUL) Neither did I! ...

LIZ:

(VERY TEARFUL) This is the best time I've had in ages. ...

IRIS:

(WAILING) Me, toooooooo! ...

MUSIC:

FIRST ACT CURTAIN

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER:

Well, it's pretty obvious that here's an occasion when Jell-O can save the day. Sure as shootin', if Liz and Iris treat the clients to a Jell-O dessert, the rest of the meal will be forgiven. I'll bet they'd all go for this autumn treat: rich red strawberry Jell-O teamed up with tart tangy pineapple. Just prepare strawberry Jell-O as directed using one-half cup of canned pineapple juice for one-half cup of water. When slightly thickened, fold in one cup of diced canned pineapple and chill until firm. It's a glorious combination, 'cause that delectable strawberry Jell-O now tastes even better than ever. Yes, it's been made richer; even more fruitlike and tempting. All six delicious Jell-O flavors are chuck full of locked-in goodness; tasting so fruit-rich and tempting, they're a new treat every time. That's strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O, a registered trademark of General Foods, that stands for red-letter desserts.

SINGERS:

J-E-L-L-Ohhhhhhhh!

MUSIC:

CHORD FOR A TAG ... THEN THEME FOR TRANSITION ... THEN OUT BEHIND ANNOUNCER--

ANNOUNCER:

As we return to the Coopers', it's several hours later and we find the kitchen knee deep in dirty saucepans, greasy skillets, broken egg shells, and well-thumbed cookbooks. Surveying the wreckage proudly are Liz and Iris Atterbury.

LIZ:

Well, Iris, isn't it about time to take the chickens out of the oven?

IRIS:

Well, we've got to be sure, girl.

LIZ:

Yeah?

IRIS:

Let's see. What, uh, oven did you use?

LIZ:

Well, the only one we've got. That one on the stove.

IRIS:

No, no -- I meant "what temperature?"

LIZ:

Oh, what--? Ah, temperature. Uh, six hundred degrees. ...

IRIS:

That sounds a little high. ...

LIZ:

Well, it's what the book said.

IRIS:

Oh, no! Look here. The book says three hundred.

LIZ:

(AS IF TO A CHILD) I know, but we have two chickens, so I doubled it. ...

IRIS:

(ADMIRINGLY) I never would have thought of that. ...

LIZ:

Let's see. What time did we put the chickens in?

IRIS:

Nine o'clock. And it's, uh, two-thirty now. ...

LIZ:

Five and a half hours. Well, they ought to be cooked.

IRIS:

(EXCITED) Oooh! Let's take them out of the oven!

LIZ:

I can't wait to see them!

SOUND:

OVEN DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN

LIZ:

(PAUSE) Well? (BEAT) Where are they? ...

IRIS:

They've got to be in there! Look in the back!

LIZ:

Okay. (BEAT) Iris! Don't you know this is a gas stove? Why did you put charcoal in here? ...

IRIS:

Charcoal?

LIZ:

Yeah. See in the back? Two little lumps of charcoal. ... (MILD DOUBLE TAKE) With legs and wings? ...

IRIS:

It was all those breadcrumbs you put in. They burned like toast.

LIZ:

Maybe we can take 'em out and scrape 'em. ...

IRIS:

No, I don't think so, Liz. I think they're done for.

MOTHER:

(CALLS, FROM OFF) Yoo hoo! Elizabeth?!

LIZ:

Oh, no, it's Mother Cooper.

IRIS:

What timing!

LIZ:

Timing nothing. If I know her, she waited outside till she caught the aroma of burnt meat. ...

MOTHER:

(CALLS, FROM OFF) Elizabeth, where are you?

LIZ:

She's lost the scent. ... Quick, Iris, shut the oven.

IRIS:

Okay.

SOUND:

OVEN DOOR SHUTS

LIZ:

(CALLS) In the kitchen, Mother Cooper!

MOTHER:

(APPROACHES, A GREETING) Oh, Elizabeth dear!

IRIS:

Hello, Mrs. Cooper.

MOTHER:

Oh, Iris, how are you? I just dropped over to see how you were coming with your little dinner, Elizabeth.

LIZ:

(UNCONVINCING) Oh, fine, fine.

MOTHER:

What are you having -- if I'm not being too nosy?

LIZ:

(IRONIC) You?! Nosy?!

MOTHER:

(CHUCKLES) ... Well? What are you having?

LIZ:

Chicken Amandine.

MOTHER:

Really? It's my favorite dish. But you must watch the chickens once they're in the oven. If you aren't careful, they'll burn.

LIZ:

(BEAT, HEAVY IRONY) No! ...

MOTHER:

Oh, yes. Yes, it's true. You just keep your eye on them until they get to be a nice crinkly brown.

IRIS:

(BEAT) How about a nice crusty black? ...

LIZ:

(HUSHED REPROACH) Iris--!

MOTHER:

What? (SNIFFS BROADLY) Elizabeth, what's that burned smell?

LIZ:

It's me. ... Iris just gave me a hotfoot. ...

MOTHER:

Don't be silly. It's something in the oven. Let me see in there.

LIZ:

No, don't!

SOUND:

MOTHER'S STEPS TO OVEN DOOR, WHICH OPENS

MOTHER:

A-ha! Just as I thought! (INHALES EXTRAVAGANTLY) They look like two little blackbirds. ... (TAUNTING) Well, what are you going to do now?

LIZ:

(DEFIANT) I'm going to get two and twenty more and bake them in a pie! ...

MOTHER:

(DISMISSIVE) Well! I wash my hands of the whole thing.

LIZ:

Good!

MOTHER:

(INDIGNANT) Well, I certainly know when I'm not wanted.

LIZ:

Since when?!

MOTHER:

(VERY INDIGNANT) Well! ... Good afternoon, Elizabeth!

LIZ:

(IRONIC) Must you rush off?!

MOTHER:

(EXTREMELY INDIGNANT) Well!

SOUND:

DOOR SLAMS AS MOTHER EXITS

IRIS:

... (ENCOURAGING) That's telling her, Liz. She thinks you can't cook a dinner. So this one wasn't very good; you can cook another one.

LIZ:

(BRAVELY) Sure! (BUT THEN SHE EMITS A SLOW, SAD WAIL OF DESPAIR) ...

IRIS:

Liz-girl, what's wrong?

LIZ:

(TEARFUL) I can't go through this again! ...

IRIS:

Oh, sure you can. And I'll help you get started before I leave.

LIZ:

Ohhh-- (DOUBLE TAKE) Leave?

IRIS:

Well, yes, girl. I have to get my hair fixed for the dinner tonight.

LIZ:

(TEARFUL) Do you mean I'm gonna have to burn the next two chickens all by myself?! ...

IRIS:

Now, Liz, you just buck up.

LIZ:

(SOBS)

IRIS:

Look, I'll stop by the market on the way to the beauty shop and have them send out two more chickens.

LIZ:

(RESIGNED) Well, okay.

IRIS:

And this time don't try anything fancy. Put them in the pressure cooker. ... That way they'll be done in a hurry.

LIZ:

(DAZED) Yeah. In a hurry.

IRIS:

Yeah, and while they're on their way here, you can start the dressing.

LIZ:

(ABSENTLY) Start the dressing? Start the dress--?

IRIS:

Liz?

LIZ:

What?

IRIS:

You're looking a little dazed. Are you sure you know what to do?

LIZ:

(LOOPY) Oh, sure. ... While you're having your hair done in the pressure cooker, I'll take the chickens to the beauty parlor. ... I mean, while the chickens are having their hair done, I'll be dressing in the pressure cooker. ...

IRIS:

Oh, poor dear, I know what you mean.

LIZ:

That's good. ...

IRIS:

Well, if you need me, I'll be down at the beauty cooker. ... Pressure parlor! ... (SADLY) Good luck, girl; goodbye.

LIZ:

Goodbye.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

SOUND:

PHONE RINGS ... RECEIVER UP ... IRIS' VOICE ON FILTER

LIZ:

(INTO PHONE, STILL DAZED, SAD, AND DEFEATED) Hello.

IRIS:

Is that you, Liz?

LIZ:

Yes.

IRIS:

I just got home from the beauty parlor. How's it going?

LIZ:

Oh, sure. ...

IRIS:

What happened, girl?

LIZ:

You wouldn't believe me if I told you. ...

IRIS:

Well, tell me, tell me! How'd the two chickens turn out?

LIZ:

Which two? ...

IRIS:

Well, I know you burned two. What about the other two?

LIZ:

Which two? ...

IRIS:

Will you stop saying "Which two"? Tell me what happened.

LIZ:

Iris, you're talking to a woman who's gone through eight chickens today. ...

IRIS:

Liz, what about the two in the pressure cooker?

LIZ:

The pressure cooker exploded. ...

IRIS:

Well, what about the chickens?!

LIZ:

They look delicious. ...

IRIS:

What do you mean they "look" delicious?

LIZ:

I can't get them down off the ceiling. ...

IRIS:

Well, that's four. What about five and six?

LIZ:

Gone. ...

IRIS:

Gone?

LIZ:

I got so confused cleaning up after three and four, I threw five and six in the garbage disposal. ...

IRIS:

Well, this is unbelievable.

LIZ:

Finally, the butcher ran out of dressed birds and sent out two live ones. ...

IRIS:

Well, did you cook them?

LIZ:

Cook them? I can't even catch 'em! ... When last seen, seven and eight were going east on Bundy Drive. ...

IRIS:

Oh, you poor thing! Eight chickens and nothing to show for it!

LIZ:

Oh, yes, I have. Before she left, seven laid an egg on the kitchen table. ...

IRIS:

Well, look, Liz, I had a feeling something like this might happen, so I--

SOUND:

KNOCK ON DOOR

LIZ:

Iris? Iris, I have to go. There's someone at the back door.

IRIS:

Well, don't worry about a thing, girl. I have a feeling everything's going to be all right.

LIZ:

(SKEPTICAL) Oh, sure. Goodbye.

SOUND:

RECEIVER DOWN ... MORE KNOCKING

LIZ:

(CALLS) I'm coming!

SOUND:

BACK DOOR OPENS

BOY:

(CHEERFUL) Mrs. George Cooper?

LIZ:

Yes?

BOY:

Dinner for twelve from Johnson's catering service!

LIZ:

(BEWILDERED) A dinner for twelve people? Let me see.

SOUND:

DINNERS HANDLED

LIZ:

(SURPRISED) Oh! Roast beef! And potatoes and green beans and Yorkshire pudding! (OVERCOME WITH GRATITUDE) Oh, thank you! Thank you! (KISSES BOY NOISILY) Mmmmmmmmmmm!

SOUND:

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! OF LIZ'S KISSES

BOY:

(WILDLY HAPPY EXCLAMATION) You're welcome!

LIZ:

... (CALMS DOWN) Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't send it; you just brought it. Where's the card?

BOY:

(ENCHANTED BY LIZ) Here!

SOUND:

CARD HANDED OVER

LIZ:

(READS) "Mrs. Cooper, I had a hunch you might have trouble with your dinner. Good luck, Katy." Oh, bless Katy and her hunches!

BOY:

(DAZED) Yeah. Well, I'll be seeing ya!

LIZ:

Thank you again.

BOY:

(INSISTENT) The pleasure was all mine! ...

SOUND:

DOOR CLOSES

LIZ:

(TO HERSELF) Oh, that wonderful Katy! My dinner party's saved. I'll have to call Iris and tell her.

SOUND:

RECEIVER UP ... PHONE DIALED ... KNOCK ON DOOR

LIZ:

(TO HERSELF) Now who's that?

SOUND:

RECEIVER DOWN ... LIZ'S STEPS TO DOOR, WHICH OPENS

BOY:

(STILL IN A DAZE) Hi, lady.

LIZ:

Did you forget something?

BOY:

Well, not exactly. I got in my truck and I looked at the address of my next delivery. (THRILLED) And it's you! ...

LIZ:

Me? Well, let's see what this one is.

SOUND:

DINNERS HANDLED

LIZ:

(PLEASED) Oh, my goodness! Lobster Thermidor and french fries and asparagus. Oh, isn't that just scrumptious?!

BOY:

Yeah! (BEAT) Aren't you gonna kiss me? ...

LIZ:

(NOT INTERESTED) Let me see the card. ...

SOUND:

CARD HANDED OVER

LIZ:

(READS) "I knew you'd be needing this, dear girl. Signed, Iris." (DELIGHTED) Oh, Iris is the best friend a girl ever had, isn't she?

BOY:

(CHUCKLES) I'll say! (BEAT) Iris who? ...

LIZ:

Never mind. Goodbye.

BOY:

(ENCHANTED) Goodbye.

SOUND:

DOOR SHUTS

LIZ:

(TO HERSELF) Oh, that Iris. I have to call her.

SOUND:

RECEIVER UP ... PHONE DIALED ... KNOCK ON DOOR

LIZ:

(TO HERSELF) Oh, no. If that's who I think it is, I'm up to my snood in food! ...

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS

LIZ:

You again?

BOY:

(EXCITED) Yeah, it's me, the horn of plenty! (CHUCKLES) ...

LIZ:

Well, let's see what this one is.

SOUND:

DINNERS HANDLED

LIZ:

Oh, my! Would you look at that? (BIG GASP!) Isn't it beautiful?!

BOY:

Yeah! What is it?

LIZ:

It's pheasant under glass. Where's the card?

BOY:

Here.

SOUND:

CARD HANDED OVER

LIZ:

(READS) "Iris told me you were having your troubles. Hope this little snack fills the bill. Mr. Atterbury." (DELIGHTED) Oh, isn't that sweet?

BOY:

(HEARTILY, EXPECTING MORE KISSES) Yeah. ...

LIZ:

Oh, everything's turned out all right after all. I'm so grateful to you for bringing all these things. I want to give you a little something.

BOY:

(EXCITED) Oh, boy! ...

LIZ:

(COOL) Unpucker, bud. Here's your tip. ...

BOY:

Gee, a bowl of Yorkshire pudding! Goodbye.

LIZ:

Goodbye.

SOUND:

DOOR SHUTS ... PHONE RINGS, RECEIVER UP ... MOTHER'S VOICE ON FILTER

LIZ:

(CHEERFUL) Hello!

MOTHER:

Elizabeth? I just called to set your mind at ease, dear. Even after the way you treated me I've saved the day for you.

LIZ:

You have?

MOTHER:

(YES) Uh huh. I made a complete dinner for twelve and I'll bring it over.

LIZ:

Well, that's very nice of you, Mother Cooper, but thanks just the same. Dinner's all ready and waiting in the kitchen.

MOTHER:

(DOUBTFUL) Really, Elizabeth?

LIZ:

(YES) Mm hm.

MOTHER:

What are you having?

LIZ:

Well, I had a little extra time today, so I'm giving my guests a choice of prime ribs, Lobster Thermidor, or pheasant under glass.

MOTHER:

But I don't understand.

LIZ:

Well, why don't you come over to dinner, too, mother? I have plenty of food.

MOTHER:

Really?

LIZ:

(BRISKLY) Yes, George will pick you up. Goodbye.

SOUND:

RECEIVER DOWN

LIZ:

(HAPPY, TRIUMPHANT SINGING) La-dee-da! La-dee-da!

SOUND:

PHONE RINGS ... RECEIVER UP ... GEORGE'S VOICE ON FILTER

LIZ:

(CHEERFUL) Hello!

GEORGE:

Hello, dear. How's everything going?

LIZ:

Oh, fine, fine.

GEORGE:

You, er, didn't knock yourself out cooking, did you?

LIZ:

No, George. It was no effort at all. What time will you be here?

GEORGE:

(SHEEPISH) Well, er, that's what I called to tell you about. ...

LIZ:

(UNHAPPY) What - do - you - mean?

GEORGE:

Well, honey, it's, er-- (CHUCKLES) It's the funniest thing. I - I just checked with my calendar and, er-- (CHUCKLES WEAKLY)

LIZ:

Yessssssss?

GEORGE:

The dinner isn't tonight; it's next week.

LIZ:

(WILDLY) Oh, no!

MUSIC:

CURTAIN

SOUND:

APPLAUSE ...