ANNOUNCER: It's time for "My Favorite Husband," starring Lucille Ball. LIZ: (GREETING) Jell-O, everybody! SOUND: APPLAUSE MUSIC: THEME ... THEN OUT BEHIND-- ANNOUNCER: Yes, it's the gay family series, starring Lucille Ball, with Richard Denning, transcribed and brought to you by the Jell-O family of red-letter desserts. MUSIC: FOR JINGLE, IN BG-- SINGERS: Ohhhhh! The big red letters stand for the Jell-O family. Oh, the big red letters stand for the Jell-O family. That's Jell-O! WOMAN: Yum, yum, yum. SINGERS: Jell-O puddings. MAN: Yum, yum, yum. SINGERS: Jell-O tap-pioca puddings. Yes-sir-ee! MUSIC: OUT ANNOUNCER: And now, Lucille Ball, with Richard Denning, as Liz and George Cooper -- two people who live together, and like it. MUSIC: BRISK INTRODUCTION ... THEN BEHIND ANNOUNCER-- ANNOUNCER: In a little white two-story house located at Three-Twenty-One Bundy Drive in the bustling little suburb of Sheridan Falls, George Cooper is just leaving for the bank. LIZ: Goodbye, my little husband. Kiss me, baby. (LONG KISS) Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. ... You'll be home for dinner, won't you? GEORGE: (REMEMBERS) Uh-oh, dinner. Er, Liz, I - I forgot to tell you something. LIZ: What? GEORGE: Now, promise me you won't get mad. LIZ: Oh, go ahead. Nothing you say will upset me this morning. I'm in a good mood and I'm gonna stay that way all day long. GEORGE: I invited mother to dinner. LIZ: (SOURLY) Well, that was a short day. ... GEORGE: Now, Liz, you promised you wouldn't get mad. LIZ: I'm not mad, but your mother was here for dinner just two days ago. GEORGE: That was two weeks ago. LIZ: How time flies. ... GEORGE: Oh, Liz, really, you're being very unfair. She's coming over to dinner tonight, so - so why don't you just be nice to her? LIZ: Okay, George, I'll be nice to her. I'll feed the hand that bites me. MUSIC: BRIDGE SOUND: DINNER TABLE BACKGROUND (DISHES, UTENSILS, ET CETERA) LIZ: Spinach, Mother Cooper? MOTHER: Thank you, Liz dear. LIZ: George, would you like some spinach? GEORGE: I don't believe so, Liz. MOTHER: (AS IF TO A CHILD, HER VOICE DROPS AN OCTAVE ON "BABY") But, George baby. ... Now we should eat our spinach. GEORGE: But I don't like spinach. MOTHER: Oh, we must all eat a well-balanced meal to keep our strength up. After all, food is the fuel and your body is the furnace. LIZ: Yeah, but George's furnace has turned into a pot-bellied stove. ... MOTHER: I must say, Elizabeth, I don't consider that George is overweight at all. In fact, I think he's been looking a little thin and peakèd lately. LIZ: (TO HERSELF) Ah, here it comes. ... MOTHER: (TO GEORGE) Have you been getting enough to eat, baby? GEORGE: Oh, sure, mother. MOTHER: (ANOTHER OCTAVE DROP) Well, you don't look like it to me, ba-by. ... LIZ: Don't you worry, Mother Cooper. Baby gets his pablum every three hours. ... MOTHER: (INDIGNANT) Well! KATY: Coffee, anyone? MOTHER: Not for George, Katy. It keeps him awake and you know he needs his beauty sleep. KATY: Er, coffee, Mrs. Cooper? LIZ: No, Katy. It keeps me awake. And you know I need my ugly nap. ... GEORGE: All right, Liz. Let's talk about Monday night. What are you having for dinner? LIZ: Monday night? GEORGE: Oh, no, I forgot to tell you. LIZ: What? GEORGE: I invited the Atterburys and some important out-of-town clients for dinner. LIZ: Oh, well, that isn't so bad, dear. How many extra will there be? Two? Four? GEORGE: Ten. ... LIZ: Ten?! As in one-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight-nine-ten?! GEORGE: Yes. And, er, two of us makes twelve. LIZ: Twelve?! GEORGE: But, honey, we've had twelve to dinner before. LIZ: I know, but -- (LOWERS VOICE) -- I'm afraid Katy will get mad. KATY: No, she won't. LIZ: (STARTLED) Oh, I thought you were in the kitchen. KATY: No, ma'am. LIZ: (APOLOGETIC) Well, I know it's short notice, Katy -- it's only two days away -- but do you mind if we have twelve people to dinner Monday night? KATY: Not at all. I think it's a wonderful idea. LIZ: (SURPRISED) Well, Katy! Are you sure it won't bother you? KATY: It won't bother me at all. I leave on my vacation Sunday. ... LIZ: Oh, no. I forgot. GEORGE: Oh, gosh, what'll we do without Katy? MOTHER: (MERRY SARCASM) Oh, that's simple enough. Liz will cook the dinner for twelve people. (CRACKS UP WITH LAUGHTER) ... GEORGE: (JOINS IN LAUGHING) Liz cooking for twelve people! Oh, no! (CHUCKLES) LIZ: (SOURLY) Well, let's all have a big laugh. It's good for the digestion. Ha ha ha ha! ... GEORGE: Now, Liz, don't get sore. You'll have to admit that's a pretty funny idea. LIZ: I fail to see what's so amusing about it. I could cook dinner. MOTHER: (WITHERING) Of course, dear -- if you knew how to cook. ... LIZ: Well, I do know how to cook. GEORGE: Oh, Liz-- LIZ: What was wrong with the meal you just ate? GEORGE: (TAKEN ABACK) Liz, did - did you cook dinner tonight? LIZ: Certainly. I didn't put too much cheese in the soufflé, did I? MOTHER: (SKEPTICAL) Oh, so you made the soufflé, Elizabeth? LIZ: Yes. Did you like it? MOTHER: Why, it was delicious. In fact, it was so good, I, er-- I wonder if you'd give me your recipe. LIZ: I'd be glad to. I'll phone it to you in the morning. MOTHER: Oh, no, dear. I'd like it right now. LIZ: (UNEASY) Oh. ... Well, uh, you just put all the cheese and things in a bowl, and then - then you take a piece of souf and lay it on the top. ... MOTHER: Yes, dear. But you didn't tell me how many eggs you used. LIZ: Oh. Eggs. Uh, Katy, you were watching me. How many eggs did I use? KATY: Six. LIZ: That's right, six eggs! ... MOTHER: How much milk? LIZ: Uh, milk? Katy--? KATY: I wasn't watching. ... LIZ: (WOUNDED) Ewww. ... (TO KATY) Well, how many cups did it sound like? KATY: It sounded like one cup. LIZ: Good ear, Katy. It was one cup. GEORGE: (REASONABLY) Look, Liz, why don't you just admit you don't know how to cook and we'll hire someone to come in and get the dinner for us? LIZ: (CONCEDES RELUCTANTLY) Well, for twelve people, maybe-- MOTHER: (TWISTING THE KNIFE) George baby -- since Liz has failed you in your hour of need, why don't you let mother come in and cook for you? I'd be glad to do it. LIZ: (DEFIANT) That does it! I'm going to cook the dinner. GEORGE: Oh, come off it, Liz. MOTHER: (HIGHLY AMUSED) I'd like to see it when you're done! (TITTERS) LIZ: Go ahead, laugh! I'll show you! I'll get dinner for twelve people and it'll be the best, the tastiest, the most wonderful dinner you ever saw! MUSIC: BRIDGE GEORGE: (CALLS) Liz, is my breakfast ready yet? LIZ: (APPROACHES) Here you are, George -- bacon, fried eggs, toast, and coffee. SOUND: TRAY SET DOWN GEORGE: Mmm, this looks wonderful, honey! LIZ: Thank you. GEORGE: Did you cook all this yourself? LIZ: Sure! Nothing to it. Go ahead, dig in. SOUND: UTENSILS ON PLATE GEORGE: (BEAT) Liz, these eggs are stone cold. LIZ: They are? Oh, darn it. GEORGE: Well, how could they get so cold? How long ago did you cook them? LIZ: Last night. GEORGE: Last night?! ... LIZ: Well, George, I'm gonna be so busy with the dinner party today, I - I cooked your breakfast last night and quick froze it. GEORGE: (DISMAYED) Ohhhh! ... LIZ: Well, it's a perfectly good fried egg. I just didn't defrost it enough. ... GEORGE: Well, thanks anyway. I'll eat breakfast downtown. LIZ: Well, suit yourself. GEORGE: Er, Liz, um--? LIZ: Mmm? GEORGE: About this dinner party. Are you sure you want to go through with it? Maybe we should have someone in to-- LIZ: (INTERRUPTS) Now, don't worry, George. I have someone to help me. GEORGE: Who? LIZ: Iris Atterbury. ... GEORGE: Oh, brother! I get a great mental picture of you and Iris in the kitchen: two blind mice! LIZ: (DEFENSIVE) Never mind. We'll be just fine. SOUND: FRONT DOOR OPENS, OFF IRIS: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Yoo hoo! Anybody home?! LIZ: (CALLS) Oh, we're in the dining room, Iris! IRIS: (APPROACHES, A GREETING) Oh, Liz-girl! George-boy. ... GEORGE: Hi, Iris. Well, I've got to run or I'll be late. LIZ: See you later, dear. SOUND: DINING ROOM DOOR CLOSES, OFF LIZ: Come on out in the kitchen. IRIS: Okay. SOUND: KITCHEN DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES IRIS: What are you going to have, Liz? LIZ: Well, I thought I'd have chicken. IRIS: Broiled chicken! Oh, I love it! LIZ: (WITH MOCK DISDAIN) Iris, please. Does Oscar of the Waldorf have broiled chicken? IRIS: I don't know, does he? ... LIZ: (GRANDLY) We're having Poulet Amandine. IRIS: (BEAT) Huh? ... LIZ: (SIMPLY) I have a wonderful French recipe. IRIS: Oh, that sounds exciting. Is it hard to do? LIZ: No, there's nothing to it. All it calls for is-- Let's see now. For the dressing: onions, butter, eggs, parsley, celery, and either mushrooms or nut meat. I love mushrooms, but I don't have any in the house. IRIS: Well, I'll run down to the grocery while you're getting things ready. LIZ: Oh, wait a minute! I just remembered. We have some growing in the backyard. ... IRIS: Well, that's fine. Fine. Oh, then I won't have to go to the-- Hold it, girl. Are they mushrooms or toadstools? ... LIZ: What's the difference? ... IRIS: Toadstools are poisonous. LIZ: Oh, dear. Well, isn't there any way of finding out if they're toadstools or not? IRIS: Oh, sure. I'll go out and eat one. ... If I'm not back in half an hour, use nut meats! ... LIZ: Oh, Iris, don't bother. We'll put in some walnuts instead. IRIS: Okay. LIZ: Well, let's get started. I'll cut the onions. IRIS: Well, I'll help you. We'll get done faster. LIZ: Okay. Here's an onion for you. IRIS: Thanks. SOUND: CUTTING ONIONS ... CONTINUES IN BG ... LIZ AND IRIS GROW INCREASINGLY TEARFUL LIZ: Oh, you know, I can't understand why people make such a fuss over cooking. There's really nothing to it. IRIS: Yeahhhh! LIZ: You just follow the recipe and -- poof! -- Chicken Amandine. IRIS: Yeah! (SNIFFLES) ... (TEARFUL) Hand me another onion. ... LIZ: Here. (TEARFUL) Oh, Iris, I - I didn't know cooking could be such fun. (SNIFFLES) ... IRIS: (VERY TEARFUL) Neither did I! ... LIZ: (VERY TEARFUL) This is the best time I've had in ages. ... IRIS: (WAILING) Me, toooooooo! ... MUSIC: FIRST ACT CURTAIN SOUND: APPLAUSE ANNOUNCER: Well, it's pretty obvious that here's an occasion when Jell-O can save the day. Sure as shootin', if Liz and Iris treat the clients to a Jell-O dessert, the rest of the meal will be forgiven. I'll bet they'd all go for this autumn treat: rich red strawberry Jell-O teamed up with tart tangy pineapple. Just prepare strawberry Jell-O as directed using one-half cup of canned pineapple juice for one-half cup of water. When slightly thickened, fold in one cup of diced canned pineapple and chill until firm. It's a glorious combination, 'cause that delectable strawberry Jell-O now tastes even better than ever. Yes, it's been made richer; even more fruitlike and tempting. All six delicious Jell-O flavors are chuck full of locked-in goodness; tasting so fruit-rich and tempting, they're a new treat every time. That's strawberry, raspberry, cherry, orange, lemon, and lime. Look for the big red letters on the box. They spell Jell-O, a registered trademark of General Foods, that stands for red-letter desserts. SINGERS: J-E-L-L-Ohhhhhhhh! MUSIC: CHORD FOR A TAG ... THEN THEME FOR TRANSITION ... THEN OUT BEHIND ANNOUNCER-- ANNOUNCER: As we return to the Coopers', it's several hours later and we find the kitchen knee deep in dirty saucepans, greasy skillets, broken egg shells, and well-thumbed cookbooks. Surveying the wreckage proudly are Liz and Iris Atterbury. LIZ: Well, Iris, isn't it about time to take the chickens out of the oven? IRIS: Well, we've got to be sure, girl. LIZ: Yeah? IRIS: Let's see. What, uh, oven did you use? LIZ: Well, the only one we've got. That one on the stove. IRIS: No, no -- I meant "what temperature?" LIZ: Oh, what--? Ah, temperature. Uh, six hundred degrees. ... IRIS: That sounds a little high. ... LIZ: Well, it's what the book said. IRIS: Oh, no! Look here. The book says three hundred. LIZ: (AS IF TO A CHILD) I know, but we have two chickens, so I doubled it. ... IRIS: (ADMIRINGLY) I never would have thought of that. ... LIZ: Let's see. What time did we put the chickens in? IRIS: Nine o'clock. And it's, uh, two-thirty now. ... LIZ: Five and a half hours. Well, they ought to be cooked. IRIS: (EXCITED) Oooh! Let's take them out of the oven! LIZ: I can't wait to see them! SOUND: OVEN DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN LIZ: (PAUSE) Well? (BEAT) Where are they? ... IRIS: They've got to be in there! Look in the back! LIZ: Okay. (BEAT) Iris! Don't you know this is a gas stove? Why did you put charcoal in here? ... IRIS: Charcoal? LIZ: Yeah. See in the back? Two little lumps of charcoal. ... (MILD DOUBLE TAKE) With legs and wings? ... IRIS: It was all those breadcrumbs you put in. They burned like toast. LIZ: Maybe we can take 'em out and scrape 'em. ... IRIS: No, I don't think so, Liz. I think they're done for. MOTHER: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Yoo hoo! Elizabeth?! LIZ: Oh, no, it's Mother Cooper. IRIS: What timing! LIZ: Timing nothing. If I know her, she waited outside till she caught the aroma of burnt meat. ... MOTHER: (CALLS, FROM OFF) Elizabeth, where are you? LIZ: She's lost the scent. ... Quick, Iris, shut the oven. IRIS: Okay. SOUND: OVEN DOOR SHUTS LIZ: (CALLS) In the kitchen, Mother Cooper! MOTHER: (APPROACHES, A GREETING) Oh, Elizabeth dear! IRIS: Hello, Mrs. Cooper. MOTHER: Oh, Iris, how are you? I just dropped over to see how you were coming with your little dinner, Elizabeth. LIZ: (UNCONVINCING) Oh, fine, fine. MOTHER: What are you having -- if I'm not being too nosy? LIZ: (IRONIC) You?! Nosy?! MOTHER: (CHUCKLES) ... Well? What are you having? LIZ: Chicken Amandine. MOTHER: Really? It's my favorite dish. But you must watch the chickens once they're in the oven. If you aren't careful, they'll burn. LIZ: (BEAT, HEAVY IRONY) No! ... MOTHER: Oh, yes. Yes, it's true. You just keep your eye on them until they get to be a nice crinkly brown. IRIS: (BEAT) How about a nice crusty black? ... LIZ: (HUSHED REPROACH) Iris--! MOTHER: What? (SNIFFS BROADLY) Elizabeth, what's that burned smell? LIZ: It's me. ... Iris just gave me a hotfoot. ... MOTHER: Don't be silly. It's something in the oven. Let me see in there. LIZ: No, don't! SOUND: MOTHER'S STEPS TO OVEN DOOR, WHICH OPENS MOTHER: A-ha! Just as I thought! (INHALES EXTRAVAGANTLY) They look like two little blackbirds. ... (TAUNTING) Well, what are you going to do now? LIZ: (DEFIANT) I'm going to get two and twenty more and bake them in a pie! ... MOTHER: (DISMISSIVE) Well! I wash my hands of the whole thing. LIZ: Good! MOTHER: (INDIGNANT) Well, I certainly know when I'm not wanted. LIZ: Since when?! MOTHER: (VERY INDIGNANT) Well! ... Good afternoon, Elizabeth! LIZ: (IRONIC) Must you rush off?! MOTHER: (EXTREMELY INDIGNANT) Well! SOUND: DOOR SLAMS AS MOTHER EXITS IRIS: ... (ENCOURAGING) That's telling her, Liz. She thinks you can't cook a dinner. So this one wasn't very good; you can cook another one. LIZ: (BRAVELY) Sure! (BUT THEN SHE EMITS A SLOW, SAD WAIL OF DESPAIR) ... IRIS: Liz-girl, what's wrong? LIZ: (TEARFUL) I can't go through this again! ... IRIS: Oh, sure you can. And I'll help you get started before I leave. LIZ: Ohhh-- (DOUBLE TAKE) Leave? IRIS: Well, yes, girl. I have to get my hair fixed for the dinner tonight. LIZ: (TEARFUL) Do you mean I'm gonna have to burn the next two chickens all by myself?! ... IRIS: Now, Liz, you just buck up. LIZ: (SOBS) IRIS: Look, I'll stop by the market on the way to the beauty shop and have them send out two more chickens. LIZ: (RESIGNED) Well, okay. IRIS: And this time don't try anything fancy. Put them in the pressure cooker. ... That way they'll be done in a hurry. LIZ: (DAZED) Yeah. In a hurry. IRIS: Yeah, and while they're on their way here, you can start the dressing. LIZ: (ABSENTLY) Start the dressing? Start the dress--? IRIS: Liz? LIZ: What? IRIS: You're looking a little dazed. Are you sure you know what to do? LIZ: (LOOPY) Oh, sure. ... While you're having your hair done in the pressure cooker, I'll take the chickens to the beauty parlor. ... I mean, while the chickens are having their hair done, I'll be dressing in the pressure cooker. ... IRIS: Oh, poor dear, I know what you mean. LIZ: That's good. ... IRIS: Well, if you need me, I'll be down at the beauty cooker. ... Pressure parlor! ... (SADLY) Good luck, girl; goodbye. LIZ: Goodbye. MUSIC: BRIDGE SOUND: PHONE RINGS ... RECEIVER UP ... IRIS' VOICE ON FILTER LIZ: (INTO PHONE, STILL DAZED, SAD, AND DEFEATED) Hello. IRIS: Is that you, Liz? LIZ: Yes. IRIS: I just got home from the beauty parlor. How's it going? LIZ: Oh, sure. ... IRIS: What happened, girl? LIZ: You wouldn't believe me if I told you. ... IRIS: Well, tell me, tell me! How'd the two chickens turn out? LIZ: Which two? ... IRIS: Well, I know you burned two. What about the other two? LIZ: Which two? ... IRIS: Will you stop saying "Which two"? Tell me what happened. LIZ: Iris, you're talking to a woman who's gone through eight chickens today. ... IRIS: Liz, what about the two in the pressure cooker? LIZ: The pressure cooker exploded. ... IRIS: Well, what about the chickens?! LIZ: They look delicious. ... IRIS: What do you mean they "look" delicious? LIZ: I can't get them down off the ceiling. ... IRIS: Well, that's four. What about five and six? LIZ: Gone. ... IRIS: Gone? LIZ: I got so confused cleaning up after three and four, I threw five and six in the garbage disposal. ... IRIS: Well, this is unbelievable. LIZ: Finally, the butcher ran out of dressed birds and sent out two live ones. ... IRIS: Well, did you cook them? LIZ: Cook them? I can't even catch 'em! ... When last seen, seven and eight were going east on Bundy Drive. ... IRIS: Oh, you poor thing! Eight chickens and nothing to show for it! LIZ: Oh, yes, I have. Before she left, seven laid an egg on the kitchen table. ... IRIS: Well, look, Liz, I had a feeling something like this might happen, so I-- SOUND: KNOCK ON DOOR LIZ: Iris? Iris, I have to go. There's someone at the back door. IRIS: Well, don't worry about a thing, girl. I have a feeling everything's going to be all right. LIZ: (SKEPTICAL) Oh, sure. Goodbye. SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN ... MORE KNOCKING LIZ: (CALLS) I'm coming! SOUND: BACK DOOR OPENS BOY: (CHEERFUL) Mrs. George Cooper? LIZ: Yes? BOY: Dinner for twelve from Johnson's catering service! LIZ: (BEWILDERED) A dinner for twelve people? Let me see. SOUND: DINNERS HANDLED LIZ: (SURPRISED) Oh! Roast beef! And potatoes and green beans and Yorkshire pudding! (OVERCOME WITH GRATITUDE) Oh, thank you! Thank you! (KISSES BOY NOISILY) Mmmmmmmmmmm! SOUND: SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! OF LIZ'S KISSES BOY: (WILDLY HAPPY EXCLAMATION) You're welcome! LIZ: ... (CALMS DOWN) Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. You didn't send it; you just brought it. Where's the card? BOY: (ENCHANTED BY LIZ) Here! SOUND: CARD HANDED OVER LIZ: (READS) "Mrs. Cooper, I had a hunch you might have trouble with your dinner. Good luck, Katy." Oh, bless Katy and her hunches! BOY: (DAZED) Yeah. Well, I'll be seeing ya! LIZ: Thank you again. BOY: (INSISTENT) The pleasure was all mine! ... SOUND: DOOR CLOSES LIZ: (TO HERSELF) Oh, that wonderful Katy! My dinner party's saved. I'll have to call Iris and tell her. SOUND: RECEIVER UP ... PHONE DIALED ... KNOCK ON DOOR LIZ: (TO HERSELF) Now who's that? SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN ... LIZ'S STEPS TO DOOR, WHICH OPENS BOY: (STILL IN A DAZE) Hi, lady. LIZ: Did you forget something? BOY: Well, not exactly. I got in my truck and I looked at the address of my next delivery. (THRILLED) And it's you! ... LIZ: Me? Well, let's see what this one is. SOUND: DINNERS HANDLED LIZ: (PLEASED) Oh, my goodness! Lobster Thermidor and french fries and asparagus. Oh, isn't that just scrumptious?! BOY: Yeah! (BEAT) Aren't you gonna kiss me? ... LIZ: (NOT INTERESTED) Let me see the card. ... SOUND: CARD HANDED OVER LIZ: (READS) "I knew you'd be needing this, dear girl. Signed, Iris." (DELIGHTED) Oh, Iris is the best friend a girl ever had, isn't she? BOY: (CHUCKLES) I'll say! (BEAT) Iris who? ... LIZ: Never mind. Goodbye. BOY: (ENCHANTED) Goodbye. SOUND: DOOR SHUTS LIZ: (TO HERSELF) Oh, that Iris. I have to call her. SOUND: RECEIVER UP ... PHONE DIALED ... KNOCK ON DOOR LIZ: (TO HERSELF) Oh, no. If that's who I think it is, I'm up to my snood in food! ... SOUND: DOOR OPENS LIZ: You again? BOY: (EXCITED) Yeah, it's me, the horn of plenty! (CHUCKLES) ... LIZ: Well, let's see what this one is. SOUND: DINNERS HANDLED LIZ: Oh, my! Would you look at that? (BIG GASP!) Isn't it beautiful?! BOY: Yeah! What is it? LIZ: It's pheasant under glass. Where's the card? BOY: Here. SOUND: CARD HANDED OVER LIZ: (READS) "Iris told me you were having your troubles. Hope this little snack fills the bill. Mr. Atterbury." (DELIGHTED) Oh, isn't that sweet? BOY: (HEARTILY, EXPECTING MORE KISSES) Yeah. ... LIZ: Oh, everything's turned out all right after all. I'm so grateful to you for bringing all these things. I want to give you a little something. BOY: (EXCITED) Oh, boy! ... LIZ: (COOL) Unpucker, bud. Here's your tip. ... BOY: Gee, a bowl of Yorkshire pudding! Goodbye. LIZ: Goodbye. SOUND: DOOR SHUTS ... PHONE RINGS, RECEIVER UP ... MOTHER'S VOICE ON FILTER LIZ: (CHEERFUL) Hello! MOTHER: Elizabeth? I just called to set your mind at ease, dear. Even after the way you treated me I've saved the day for you. LIZ: You have? MOTHER: (YES) Uh huh. I made a complete dinner for twelve and I'll bring it over. LIZ: Well, that's very nice of you, Mother Cooper, but thanks just the same. Dinner's all ready and waiting in the kitchen. MOTHER: (DOUBTFUL) Really, Elizabeth? LIZ: (YES) Mm hm. MOTHER: What are you having? LIZ: Well, I had a little extra time today, so I'm giving my guests a choice of prime ribs, Lobster Thermidor, or pheasant under glass. MOTHER: But I don't understand. LIZ: Well, why don't you come over to dinner, too, mother? I have plenty of food. MOTHER: Really? LIZ: (BRISKLY) Yes, George will pick you up. Goodbye. SOUND: RECEIVER DOWN LIZ: (HAPPY, TRIUMPHANT SINGING) La-dee-da! La-dee-da! SOUND: PHONE RINGS ... RECEIVER UP ... GEORGE'S VOICE ON FILTER LIZ: (CHEERFUL) Hello! GEORGE: Hello, dear. How's everything going? LIZ: Oh, fine, fine. GEORGE: You, er, didn't knock yourself out cooking, did you? LIZ: No, George. It was no effort at all. What time will you be here? GEORGE: (SHEEPISH) Well, er, that's what I called to tell you about. ... LIZ: (UNHAPPY) What - do - you - mean? GEORGE: Well, honey, it's, er-- (CHUCKLES) It's the funniest thing. I - I just checked with my calendar and, er-- (CHUCKLES WEAKLY) LIZ: Yessssssss? GEORGE: The dinner isn't tonight; it's next week. LIZ: (WILDLY) Oh, no! MUSIC: CURTAIN SOUND: APPLAUSE ...