Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (GO BACK) (Downloadable Text File)

Series: Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show
Show: New Drug
Date: Nov 14 1948

Transcribed by Patte Rosebank

FORMAN:

Good health to all from Rexall!

MUSIC:

THEME UP, THEN UNDER

FORMAN:

Yes, it's Sunday. Time for the Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show. Presented by the makers of Rexall drug products, and your Rexall family druggist.

MUSIC:

OUT

DRUGGIST:

Good evening. This is your Rexall family druggist, taking a little time from behind the prescription counter, this Sunday evening, to speak for all ten-thousand of us. The ten-thousand druggists who have added the word "Rexall" to our own store names. You can always tell us by the orange and blue Rexall sign in our windows. The sign means that we carry the two-thousand or more drug products made by the Rexall Drug Company. They range all the way from aspirin to penicillin, and they're as fine and pure and dependable as science can make them. We recommend them to our customers, because we know you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall.

MUSIC:

REXALL FANFARE UP, THEN UNDER

FORMAN:

Good health to all, from Rexall!

MUSIC:

THEME UP, THEN UNDER

FORMAN:

And now, your Rexall family druggist brings you the Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show. Written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevillat. With Elliott Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Gale Gordon, Jeanine Roos, Anne Whitfield, Walter Scharf and his music, yours truly Bill Forman, and starring Alice Faye and Phil Harris!

MUSIC:

"ROSE ROOM" UP, THEN OUT

FORMAN:

Today is an average day in the Harris household. Alice has finished the lunch dishes; the children are playing with a new toy, and Phil has just come down for breakfast.

HARRIS:

Good morning, everybody!

FAYE:

Good morning, Phil!

GIRLS:

Hello, Daddy!

HARRIS:

Hey! Whaddayou kids got there?

PHYLLIS:

A chemistry set!

FAYE:

It's a present from William. He bought it for them this morning.

HARRIS:

Willie BOUGHT something for somebody? Well! Since I got him that job with Rexall last week, the boy's become a plunger! How much did this set cost him?

PHYLLIS:

Ninety-eight cents.

HARRIS:

The plunger's got a short handle. Ninety-eight cents, huh? That's a fine present for his rich sister's children!

ALICE:

Now that he's working at the drugstore, Uncle William says he's going to give me and Phyllis a lot of presents. (MIMICKING WILLIE) M-hm.

HARRIS:

Yes. Yes indeed. For Christmas, I can see him putting two small tubes of dental floss under the tree. Alice, look, a chemistry set is dangerous. They can hurt themselves messin' around with that.

FAYE:

Oh, it's just a toy, and it's perfectly harmless. They can't get into any trouble with it.

PHYLLIS:

No, Daddy. This morning, we made ink with it.

HARRIS:

You made ink, huh? How was it?

ALICE:

It was delicious!

HARRIS:

You drank it??? Alice, do something! Call the doctor! Get a blotter!

FAYE:

Now, now, now.

HARRIS:

Ink!

FAYE:

Don't get excited, Phil. They just tasted it, and I washed their mouths out. They know enough not to do it again. Believe me! Girls, you'd better go outside and play now.

ALICE:

Okay, Mommy! Come on, Phyllis!

HARRIS:

Willie, Willie. When he's not doin' something to me, he's doin' something to my children. Gettin' him that job was the best thing I ever did. At least now he won't be botherin' me during the day, and it'll certainly be a relief not to hear him come in every morning with that--


WILLIE:

Good morning, Philip!

HARRIS:

What'd he do, have a record made? Whaddaya doin' here during the day, Willie?

WILLIE:

I just came from a meeting with Mr. Scott.

HARRIS:

Scott?

WILLIE:

M-hm.

HARRIS:

Who's Mr. Scott?

WILLIE:

He's a very important man with the Rexall Company. He and the other executives were talking about you and your radio show, Philip.

HARRIS:

(SMILES) Ah.

WILLIE:

Mm?

HARRIS:

Talked about me, huh? Kinda cuttin' me off a little, huh? What'd they have to say about me, Willie?

WILLIE:

Well... Uh...

HARRIS:

Come on, tell me what they said! Come on! What do they think of me?

WILLIE:

You needn't worry, Philip. You have a contract, and there's nothing they can do about it.

HARRIS:

Knock off, willya, Levi? Get lost. Go back to the drugstore, and stuff cotton in their aspirin bottles. "Nothing they can do about it"... Whaddaya mean, "Nothing they can do about it"? They'd have to be crazy to try to get rid o' me! I'm the greatest thing since rubber gloves! I can't understand it. I can't even get to meet this Mr., er, Scott. How come you got so close to him in only one week?

WILLIE:

Mm, I don't know. I guess he was captivated by my sparkling personality.

HARRIS:

Captivated? You got a personality that sparkles like a hangnail. There's gotta be another reason.

WILLIE:

Well, of course, he was very much impressed with the new bookkeeping system I installed. It's really quite a system!

HARRIS:

Oh, I'll bet it's just a jim dandy! You must explain it to me sometime.

WILLIE:

Oh, I'll be glad to! It's a double-entry system--

HARRIS:

Cease! That's fine. Just close it up right there. Hey, look, lemme ask you somethin'. Don't you have to get back to the office?

WILLIE:

Oh, my goodness! It's almost one o'clock! I'd better hurry! Now, don't worry, Philip. Next time I see Mr. Scott, I'll put in a good word for you. (PAUSE) If I can think of one. Goodbye!

SFX:

GOES TO DOOR, OPENS IT

FAYE:

(CALLING) Goodbye, Willie!

SFX:

DOOR CLOSES

HARRIS:

(MIMICKING WILLIE) "If I can think of one." Some sharp talk! The kid's really gettin' sharp. There ain't no stoppin' him since he won first prize for his tapiocy pudding at the Pomona Fair.

FAYE:

Phil... Why are you so annoyed with William?

HARRIS:

Because I hate apple-polishers, that's why. He's just tryin' to get on the good side o' the boss. Look, I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't even tryin' to get me offa that show.

SFX:

DOORBELL

HARRIS:

Look, I'll get it.

SFX:

WALKS TO DOOR, UNDER

HARRIS:

Must be Willie again. Probably forgot something: his beret. I'm gettin' a little fed up with his comin' around all the time, and I'm gonna tell him so.

SFX:

OPENS DOOR

HARRIS:

(YELLING) Why don'tcha stop comin' around here and botherin' me?

FRANKIE:

(WOUNDED) So! You don't love me any more!

HARRIS:

Aw, Frankie, I didn't--

FRANKIE:

I'm glad I found out in time, before I made a fool o' myself.

HARRIS:

Whaddaya mean, before ya made a fool o' yourself?

FRANKIE:

Before I gave you the ring.

HARRIS:

Oh! Cut out the clownin', willya?

FRANKIE:

Well, that's a fine way to greet me.

HARRIS:

Remley, I'm sorry, and I want to apologize. I thought you were Willie.

FRANKIE:

That's the most insulting apology ever! What'sa matter? What are ya so sore at Willie about?

HARRIS:

Well, come on in, and I'll tell ya.

FRANKIE:

All right.

SFX:

COMES IN. DOOR CLOSES. FOOTSTEPS, UNDER

HARRIS:

Let's go in the kitchen, and you can have a bite to eat with me.

FRANKIE:

M-hm. Well, what's it all about Curly? What's Willie done to ya this time?

HARRIS:

Oh, I dunno. Ever since I got that job at Rexall for him, last week, he's been doin' everything in his power to impress them with his ability.

SFX:

FOOTSTEPS OUT

FRANKIE:

M-hm.

HARRIS:

Siddown.

FRANKIE:

Yeah, thanks.

SFX:

THEY SIT AT TABLE

FRANKIE:

Mmm! Cold chicken!

HARRIS:

Frankie, look... I got a serious problem. Willie's tryin' to undermine me with the company. He wants to get me off the show!

SFX:

FRANKIE HELPS HIMSELF TO FOOD

FRANKIE:

Could you pass the mustard?

HARRIS:

Look, Remley. This is important. Do you realize that, if that happens, I'll be out of a job?

FRANKIE:

The potato salad, please.

HARRIS:

Frankie, willya pay attention!

FRANKIE:

Okay.

HARRIS:

Now, look. I got to thinkin'--

FRANKIE:

Uh, pass me some o' that stuff first.

HARRIS:

Oh, here!

SFX:

PASSES HIM A BOTTLE

HARRIS:

Look, Frankie, I gotta think o' some way to stop this guy fr--

SFX:

FRANKIE POURS A BIG GLASS OF IT

FAYE:

(SIPS IT, TASTES IT) Hey! This is wonderful wine! Good vintage, nice body, very dry! Whaddaya call this stuff?

HARRIS:

Ink.

FRANKIE:

(SPIT-TAKE)

HARRIS:

Yeah!

FRANKIE:

Ink?

HARRIS:

Yeah, ink. It's excellent vintage, though. Waterman's 1926. Serves ya right. The kids made that stuff with the chemistry set that Uncle Willie gave them.

FRANKIE:

Uh-huh?

HARRIS:

Look, Frankie, I been tryin' to tell ya. Willie invented a new bookkeeping system for the company.

FRANKIE:

Mm?

HARRIS:

And now he's the fair-haired boy with a Mr. Scott, the big man there. I ain't even met the guy.

FRANKIE:

Mm.

HARRIS:

Remley, I gotta do something to impress the executives.

FRANKIE:

Yeah. Why don't you invent something?

HARRIS:

Like what?

FRANKIE:

Well, what's the most important thing that Rexall makes and sells? What are they famous for?

HARRIS:

Drugs.

FRANKIE:

That's it. All ya gotta do is invent a new drug.

HARRIS:

That's all, huh?

FRANKIE:

Yup. Simple as that.

HARRIS:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's only one trouble. I'm a little outta practice, you see. I haven't invented a drug for a fortnight now. 'Bout nine days. Look, what makes ya think they need a new drug?

FRANKIE:

Statistics.

HARRIS:

He ain't even with the company.

FRANKIE:

Oh, thanks a lot. Look. How many independent druggists do they got?

HARRIS:

Ten-thousand.

FRANKIE:

How many drug products do they make?

HARRIS:

Two-thousand.

FRANKIE:

All right, ya see? That leaves eight-thousand druggists without a drug. You must admit, that makes sense.

HARRIS:

That figures. Hey, Remley?

FRANKIE:

What?

HARRIS:

Whatever gave you the idea of inventing a new drug?

FRANKIE:

The kids' chemistry set and my knowledge of chemical formulae.

HARRIS:

Formulae?

FRANKIE:

Yeah, that's Latin. It's female for "formula".

HARRIS:

Hey...

FRANKIE:

Hm?

HARRIS:

You sound like you know what you're talkin' about.

FRANKIE:

Well, of course I do. Come on, let's experiment. A lotta things are discovered by chemists just accidentally mixing things together. With my knowledge, we're sure to hit somethin'.

HARRIS:

Yeah. Lotta things are discovered accidentally.

FRANKIE:

Sure.

HARRIS:

Anyway, it's worth a try. Hey, come on, Frankie. Now, look. Let's get the kids' chemistry set, mix a few things together, and we'll see what happens. Maybe we could--

FRANKIE:

Curly, Curly, please. We chemists cannot work with a child's implements. We'll need a professional set, with test tubes and Bunsen burners. You'll have to buy an elaborate set.

HARRIS:

Okay, Frankie. But you better come with me, so I don't get stuck.

FRANKIE:

All right.

HARRIS:

Hey, I hope this thing works. How I'd love to show that Willie up!

FRANKIE:

(LAUGHING, UNDER)

HARRIS:

Wouldn't that be something? Well, like the General said, let's get moving!

FRANKIE:

The General?

HARRIS:

Yeah.

PHIL'S SONG:

"THE GENERAL SAID"

SFX:

CITY STREET AMBIENCE, AS HARRIS & FRANKIE WALK ON SIDEWALK, UNDER

HARRIS:

Hey, Remley.

FRANKIE:

What?

HARRIS:

How much further is this chemist's supply store?

FRANKIE:

It's in this block, coupla doors down. See, now, I wanna make sure we get everything. We'll need a coupla dozen test tubes, some mixing pans, Bunsen burners...

HARRIS:

Oh.

FRANKIE:

Hm?

HARRIS:

What're them burners for?

FRANKIE:

Oh, they're necessary to every chemist.

HARRIS:

Yeah?

FRANKIE:

Can't burn a Bunsen without 'em. Besides, if we wanna discover a new drug, we'll need them to heat up the ingredients.

HARRIS:

What're we after, a hot headache pill?

FRANKIE:

How stupid can a man be? Curly, when we get in the store, you better let me do the talking. If we don't sound like professionals, they won't sell us anything.

SFX:

SHOP DOOR OPENS, WITH JINGLING BELL, UNDER

HARRIS:

All right, all right, pro. You can do the talking

SFX:

SHOP DOOR CLOSES WITH JINGLING BELL, UNDER

HARRIS:

You better start it too. Here comes the clerk.

CLERK:

How do you do, sir? What can I do for you?

HARRIS:

Oh, uh, nothing for me. But my colleague, Madame Curie, wants to buy something.

CLERK:

Madam Curie?

FRANKIE:

(LAUGHS) Uh, pay no attention to Professor Harris. He's been working on the atom bomb, and he's a little radioactive. Uh, we'd like to buy the best chemistry set you have.

CLERK:

Certainly. Uh, you're professional chemists, of course?

FRANKIE:

(PAUSE, DISMISSIVE) Please. H2O, CO2, and Carbon 4 Dioxide 5.

HARRIS:

And if that ain't enough, Granite 3-883.

CLERK:

Yes.

FRANKIE:

Yes. Now, uh, will you please show us your most expensive set?

CLERK:

Well, uh... Very well, if you insist. I have one on the shelf, right here.

FRANKIE:

M-hm.

CLERK:

This is the best chemistry set that money can buy.

FRANKIE:

Yeah, this looks adequate. We'll take it.

HARRIS:

Wait, pro, wait! Uh, how much is it, mister?

CLERK:

Oh, not very much. The cabinet is twenty dollars.

HARRIS:

That ain't bad.

CLERK:

Plus the chemicals, which are a hundred and sixty five dollars.

HARRIS:

Huh?

CLERK:

Plus the smear slides, plus the culture disks. That'll be a total of two hundred and ten dollars.

HARRIS:

Two hundred and ten dollars?

CLERK:

Plus three percent sales tax.

HARRIS:

Hey, bud. Um... Do you have a brother working in a packing house, who cut up a steer for me, three weeks ago?

CLERK:

Uh, that was me, Professor Harris. I changed jobs. I do that quite often.

HARRIS:

Well, don't ever take a job in a penny arcade. You won't be happy with their prices.

FRANKIE:

Hey, Curly, stop quibbling about price. This is important to you!

HARRIS:

All right, all right. All right, wrap it up, Mister. We want to take it home and get started.

CLERK:

Very well. Oh, a word of warning. If you don't know what you're doing, these sets can be dangerous.

FRANKIE:

Now, please, don't worry about us, bub. By the way, we'll also need some test tubes and mixing pans.

HARRIS:

Oh, look, and another thing: Throw in a coupla them BUNION burners!

MUSIC:

UP, THEN OUT

SFX:

GLASS BOTTLES, TUBES, PANS, ETC. BEING UNPACKED, UNDER

FRANKIE:

Hey, Curly, look at all these chemicals and acids we have! Y'know, with what we have here, we shouldn't have any trouble inventing something great! Let's get started.

HARRIS:

Yeah, but... Hey, Remley?

FRANKIE:

Hm?

HARRIS:

You think we should be doing this here on the dining room table? This is an expensive piece o' furniture. We might damage it.

FRANKIE:

No, not with me handlin' the stuff. However, if it'll make ya feel better, we'll cover it up. (PAUSE) Put that tablecloth on.

HARRIS:

Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll just throw it on here, huh?

FRANKIE:

Hm?

SFX:

TABLECLOTH UNFURLED, AND PLACED ON TABLE

HARRIS:

Yeah. There. Ain't no sense takin' no chances.

FRANKIE:

No, no. All right, now, then, let's get started. Uh... First, I'll pour a little o' this into a test tube.

HARRIS:

Uh, what is it?

FRANKIE:

Uh... (READING LABEL) Hydrochloric acid. Harmless stuff. I'll just pour a little in this test tube.

SFX:

POURS A LOT INTO IT

HARRIS:

Frankie, be careful. Look, you're splashin' it all over the tablecloth!

FRANKIE:

Well, that's all right. We got a lot of it. Stop worryin'. It won't hurt the cloth.

SFX:

LOUD HISSING, UNDER

HARRIS:

Okay, as long as the-- (PAUSE) Remley, are you losin' compression? Hey! Hey, Remley! Look!

FRANKIE:

What?

HARRIS:

Look at that! It's burnin' holes in the tablecloth!

FRANKIE:

That's very weak material.

HARRIS:

Oh!

FRANKIE:

I'm surprised at Alice, buyin' cheap old--

FAYE:

(APPROACHING) Hello, boys! Hello! What are you doing in here? What's that stuff on the ta-- (TAKE) Oh, no! Look at my pure Irish linen tablecloth!

FRANKIE:

Beautiful intricate lacework, hasn't it?

FAYE:

Phil Harris, what have you done? What are all these bottles on the table?

HARRIS:

Honey, it's just a little chemistry set.

FAYE:

Well, take it out to the garage and play with it. And if you play real nice, I'll get you boys Tinker Toys for Christmas. Now, go on, run along, scoot!

HARRIS:

All right, all right. Let's go out in the garage, pro.

FRANKIE:

Okay.

HARRIS:

Come on.

FAYE:

A new drug. I wonder when he'll get to mud pies. (TALKING OVER INTRO TO SONG) I never know what he's going to do. There's only one thing I'm sure of.

FAYE'S SONG:

"A LITTLE BIRD TOLD ME"

SFX:

BUBBLING CHEMICALS, CLANKING TEST TUBES, UNDER

HARRIS:

Hey, Frankie. How're we doin'? D'you think we got something here?

FRANKIE:

Shhh! Shhh! Don't disturb me. I gotta concentrate. It's comin' to a boil. Hey, look! It's changin' colour! It was pink and purple, and now it's changin' to orange and blue!

SFX:

OUT

HARRIS:

Well, then, we got it, Frankie! Can't ya see? It's the perfect drug for Rexall! A pill that's half orange and half blue!

FRANKIE:

I still like pink and purple. Now, Curly, I think we got somethin' here, though. Soon as it cools off, I'm gonna pour it, and let you have the honour and privilege of being the first one to taste our new drug.

HARRIS:

(PAUSE) Let's reverse that.

FRANKIE:

Hm?

HARRIS:

I'll pour, you taste.

FRANKIE:

Oh, but Curly, I'm a scientist. The world needs men like me, but you're expendable. Are ya gonna be selfish? You gonna think of the world, or yourself?

HARRIS:

Yes.

FRANKIE:

Yes, what?

HARRIS:

I think the world o' myself. Look, Remley, let's face it. We're both afraid to taste this stuff.

FRANKIE:

Yeah. What we need is a human guinea pig to try it out on.

HARRIS:

Yeah, that's what we need. A guinea pig. Somebody who'll--

JULIUS:

(APPROACHING) Hi, whaddayou two guys doin' in the garage?

HARRIS:

Well, if it ain't Julius "Oink Oink" Abbruzzio. Hey, come on in here, kid! Come on in!

FRANKIE:

Yeah, come on! Pull up a sty, and siddown!

JULIUS:

Hey, you guys, let go! Get your clammy meat-hooks offa me! Whaddayou characters up to?

FRANKIE:

Julius, my boy, I'm going to give you a chance to become famous! I'm gonna let ya do something that'll make this world a better place to live in! You, and you alone, Julius, can make your fellow man very happy!

JULIUS:

Sorry, I ain't interested.

FRANKIE:

Why not?

JULIUS:

I ain't gonna knock Mr. Harris off.

HARRIS:

Nobody's askin' ya to knock me off. All we want ya to do is to help us with a little experiment.

JULIUS:

Experiment?

HARRIS:

Now, look, kid, Mr. Remley (CLEARS THROAT), my colleague...

FRANKIE:

Yes.

HARRIS:

...and myself have just discovered a new drug that will be a boon to mankind.

JULIUS:

YOU discovered a new drug?

HARRIS:

Yes, sir! And we want you to be the first to try it. Just think, Julius! If it's successful, your name will go down as one o' the bravest men in medical history! You'll be a martyr, a man of destiny!

JULIUS:

Yeah! I'll be a world-famous martyr. People'll talk about me, and I'll be a household word. Gentlemen, I've reached a decision!

HARRIS:

Then, you'll do it?

JULIUS:

Are you kiddin'?

FRANKIE:

But, Julius... I made this stuff. What're you afraid of? What could happen to ya?

JULIUS:

I could drop dead!

FRANKIE:

Besides that. I guarantee, nothin'll happen to ya. But... if it does, we'll give ya our antidote.

JULIUS:

Did ya discover an antidote too?

FRANKIE:

No, but we'll face that crisis when it arises.

HARRIS:

Look, Julius, I'm tryin' to discover a new drug for my sponsor. If I can show a big shot like Mr. Scott that I have his interests at heart, he'll accept me. We'll travel around together socially, and I'll--

JULIUS:

Save your breath! I should give my life just so you can go steady with Mr. Scott???

FRANKIE:

Julius, look. I've poured a little in this test tube. Here, just taste it.

JULIUS:

Stop shovin' it into my hand, I-- OUCH! IT'S HOT!!!

HARRIS:

Julius, you're droppin' it!

SFX:

HUGE EXPLOSION

FRANKIE:

(PAUSE) I don't think this stuff's gonna be any good for headaches.

HARRIS:

BOOM, it went, huh? With a boom!

FRANKIE:

Boom!

HARRIS:

Yeah.

FRANKIE:

Curly? You all right?

HARRIS:

Yeah, I'm fine. How 'bout you?

FRANKIE:

Yeah, I'm all in one piece. (PAUSE) Curly?

HARRIS:

Yeah.

FRANKIE:

(PAUSE) Wasn't Julius standin' here a minute ago?

HARRIS:

I could'a sworn he was. Hey, Frankie...

FRANKIE:

Hm?

HARRIS:

Do you think that maybe...?

FRANKIE:

Could be. (SWITCH) Oh, well. Here today, and gone tomorrow!

HARRIS:

Yeah. (PAUSE) But he didn't even wait til tomorrow. Poor little Julius.

FRANKIE:

Too bad it had to happen.

HARRIS:

Sure.

JULIUS:

(OFF MIKE, YELLING) What are ya, a coupla wise guys or somethin'?

HARRIS:

Hey, Julius! You all right? Where were ya?

JULIUS:

I ducked down here under the car. So, that's the drug ya discovered for Rexall, huh? What're they gonna do, open a Bomb department?

HARRIS:

All right, we're sorry, kid. It was an accident.

FRANKIE:

I guess I put too much uranium in it.

JULIUS:

I'm gettin' outta here. To think you guys wanted me to drink that stuff!

HARRIS:

But, Julius, we didn't--

JULIUS:

Wait til I tell my old man ya tried to make an active volcano outta me!

HARRIS:

There goes the guinea pig, Mr. Remley. This is a nice medical discovery you made. What's it supposed to do, blow up the germs?

WILLIE:

(CALLING, OFF MIKE) Oh, Philip!

HARRIS:

Oh, no. Look, there comes Willie! There he comes, and he's got some guy with him! If he sees what we did, I'll be a laughing stock! He'll tell everybody!

FRANKIE:

Mm.

HARRIS:

I gotta keep him outta the garage. Frank-- Hey, Frankie...

FRANKIE:

What?

HARRIS:

I think I've found a use for our drug.

FRANKIE:

(GLEEFUL) You mean?

HARRIS:

(GLEEFUL) Yeah, now, start pourin'. Keep pourin'. Just enough to scare him off. Are you ready?

FRANKIE:

Yeah.

HARRIS:

Drop it as soon as they get near the garage door.

WILLIE:

(APPROACHING) Oh, Philip, Alice told me you were--

SFX:

HUGE EXPLOSION

FRANKIE:

(PAUSE) I wonder what Alice told him you were.

HARRIS:

(LAUGHING) Hey, Frankie! Look at Willie! Look at Willie and his friend run!

FRANKIE:

(LAUGHING) Yeah, we scared the daylight out of 'em!

FAYE:

(APPROACHING) Phil! Phil, Frankie! What happened? What was that explosion?

HARRIS:

(LAUGHING) It was nothin', honey! We just played a little gag to scare Willie and his friend away!

FRANKIE:

(LAUGHING) Just a harmless prank.

HARRIS:

(LAUGHING) Yeah!

FAYE:

Phil. Phil! Phil, you shouldn't have done that. Especially to Willie's friend!

HARRIS:

(LAUGHING) Oh, who's worried about Willie's friend? When will I ever see that guy again?

FAYE:

Around option time. That was Mr. Scott.

HARRIS:

WHAT???

MUSIC:

UP, THEN OUT

FORMAN:

Alice and Phil will be back in a moment.

DRUGGIST:

This is your Rexall family druggist again, folks, to tell you that--

BOY:

Mister?

DRUGGIST:

Yes?

BOY:

Why do you call yourself a "family druggist"?

DRUGGIST:

Well, sonny, it's like this. Most of us independent Rexall druggists have been serving families in our neighbourhoods or towns for a good many years. In fact, we've seen young fellows like you grow up, get married, and start buying drug products for their own families.

BOY:

What does the Rexall part mean?

DRUGGIST:

You see that orange and blue "REXALL" sign in the window?

BOY:

Yeah.

DRUGGIST:

Well, that sign means we carry the two-thousand or more drug products made by the Rexall Drug Company.

BOY:

Who are they?

DRUGGIST:

Why, they're people who have taken years and years to make sure that Rexall products are completely fine and pure and good. They've made it possible for us to tell our customers--people just like your mommy and dad--that you can depend on any drug product that bears the name "REXALL". Can you say that?

BOY:

Sure! You can depend on any drug product that bears the name "REXALL"!

DRUGGIST:

Right!

MUSIC:

CLOSING THEME UP, AND UNDER

FORMAN:

This program was produced and directed by Paul Phillips. The part of Frankie Remley was played by Elliott Lewis. And Julius was played by Walter Tetley. Alice Faye appeared through the courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox. This is Bill Forman, wishing good health to all, from Rexall!

Sunday is Fun Day! Stay tuned to this station for the Edgar Bergen-Charlie McCarthy Show, which follows immediately!

MUSIC:

THEME CONTINUES, THEN FADES OUT

ANNCR:

This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.

NBC CHIMES