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Series: Jack Benny Show
Show: Christmas Shopping
Date: Dec 14 1941

Transcribed by Patte Rosebank

THE JACK BENNY PROGRAM - "CHRISTMAS SHOPPING" - DEC. 14, 1941

JACK:

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Jack Benny talking. And before our program begins, I'd like to say a word or two about Defense Bonds. You know, right now, we're all partners. You and I and the family next door. And we've all got a job to do. A job that's going to require a lot of money. And that money must come from you and me and all of us. So, let's decide right now that we're going to put every possible dollar into Defense Bonds. Every possible dime into Defense Stamps. Buy Bonds at your post office, bank, or savings and loan association. Get your Defense Stamps from your retail store, or ask your newsboy to deliver them to your home every week. Let's really do a job. Thank you.

MUSIC:

"JELLO" JINGLE

DON:

"The Jello Program", brought to you by Jello and Jello Pudding. Starring Jack Benny! With Mary Livingstone, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, and yours truly Don Wilson. The orchestra opens the program with "Thank Your Lucky Stars and Stripes"!

MUSIC:

"THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS AND STRIPES". ESTABLISH, THEN FADE UNDER

DON:

For many years, dessert lovers have been buying Jello, and looking for the big red letters on the box. J-E-L-L-O. JELLO is a trademark, the property of General Foods, and folks have come to know that it stands for the very finest in flavour and quality. Today, as always, the Jello that you enjoy so much, comes in that same familiar package with the big red letters on it. But the Jello inside that package is new and different. Now Jello brings you more flavour than ever before. By means of a wonderful new Jello process, Jello's rich taste and tingle is locked right into the tiny Jello particles. Protected against loss of flavour. And that keeps Jello at the peak of its goodness. Just prove it for yourself. Open a package of Jello. Notice that there's no tell-tale aroma. No sign of escaping flavour and fragrance. Yet the instant you dissolve the Jello, you unlock its captive flavour, and out it pours for your pleasure. Get several boxes of Jello tomorrow. The package is the same. But the Jello inside is better than ever, thanks to Jello's new locked-in flavour!

MUSIC:

UP TO A FINISH

DON:

That was "Thank Your Lucky Stars and Stripes", played by the orchestra. And now, ladies and gentlemen, this being the height of the Christmas shopping season, let us leave the studio, and journey two blocks north to Hollywood Boulevard, where we find Jack Benny's Maxwell...

SFX:

FADE IN MAXWELL, CAUSING A TRAFFIC JAM, WHILE OTHER CARS HONK AT IT, UNDER

DON:

...cruising along, and holding up traffic, as usual.

SFX:

LITTLE TOOTS OF MAXWELL'S HORN ... CHUGGING MOTOR, UNDER

JACK:

Gee, I wish we could find a place to--

SFX:

ANGRY CAR HORN, UNDER. HORN OUT AT [X]

MAN:

(SHOUTING) Come on! Get goin', get goin'!

JACK:

(CALLING) Take it easy, willya! [X] What's the rush?

MAN:

(SHOUTING) Get that cement mixer off the street!

JACK:

SAYS YOU! (SOTTO) That guy's lucky I got my glasses on. (UP) Rochester, can't you step on it a little bit?

ROCH:

Boss, this car couldn't go any faster if it was spring, and there was a PRETTY Maxwell up ahead.

JACK:

All right, then. Just drive. Boy, the streets sure are crowded today. I hope I can get all my shopping done.

MARY:

How far is it to the store?

JACK:

About eight more blocks.

MARY:

Do ya think we'll make it by Christmas?

JACK:

Mary, we've got ten days. It's a cinch. And don't be so-- whoops! There's a place, Rochester!

ROCH:

Where?

JACK:

Oh, somebody else pulled in there. My goodness, we've been an hour and a half, just lookin' for a place to park the car!

MARY:

Well, why don't you spend fifteen cents, and put it on a lot?

JACK:

Because the streets belong to the people, and I'm a people! I mean--

SFX:

LITTLE TOOTS OF MAXWELL'S HORN ... CHUGGING MOTOR, UNDER

JACK:

Oh, for heaven's sake! Rochester!

ROCH:

What's the matter?

JACK:

You just missed another swell place to park! Up by that lamppost.

ROCH:

That's on our RIGHT. This car only turns LEFT.

JACK:

Oh, yes. I forgot. The steering rod's broken, Mary.

MARY:

Well, if the car doesn't turn right, how are we gonna get back to Beverly Hills?

ROCH:

I got it all mapped out, Miss Livingstone. We go straight to Pasadena, left to Bakersfield, left to Oxnard, and then down the coast and home.

JACK:

We'll get home all right. Once we get to Carthay Circle, we can head in any direction. Are you comfortable up there in front, Dennis?

DENNIS:

Oh, I'm fine, Mr. Benny.

JACK:

That's good. And, Dennis, please take that sign off your back.

DENNIS:

Well, I want it there!

JACK:

Ya don't need it. Everybody knows you're not Japanese! Now, take it off.

DENNIS:

Well, I've been mowin' your lawn so much, everybody calls me Togo.

JACK:

Never mind. The kid's got a face like Jiggs, and he's worried. Believe me, Dennis-- Whoop-whoop! There's a-- Whoop-whoop!

MARY:

What are ya whoop-whoopin' about?

JACK:

Rochester, there's a place to park right across the street!

ROCH:

Can't do it, Boss. I'll have to make a U-turn.

JACK:

A U-turn?

ROCH:

There's a two-dollar cover charge for that, and NO floor show!

JACK:

Well, make it. Nobody's looking. Grab hold o' the door, Mary, so it won't fly open.

MARY:

The door's on YOUR side.

JACK:

Oh, yeah.

SFX:

SCREECHING TIRES ... CHUGGING OF MAXWELL, UNDER

JACK:

Well, here we are.

SFX:

POLICE WHISTLE, ANGRILY BLOWN

JACK:

Uh-oh! A whistle. Is that a policeman?

ROCH:

It ain't the Chatanooga Choo-Choo!

SFX:

MAXWELL SLOWS TO A STOP

JACK:

It's a cop, all right. Shut the motor off.

SFX:

MAXWELL'S MOTOR TURNED OFF

JACK:

Gee.

MARY:

What are ya gonna do, Jack?

JACK:

Quiet. Dennis, you're Irish. You talk to the policeman.

DENNIS:

Gosh, I dunno what to say.

JACK:

All right, let me handle it. I'll think o' somethin'.

COP:

Hey, you! What's the idea o' makin' a U-turn in the middle o' the block?

JACK:

(OLD HILBILLY, HARD OF HEARING) Ehhh? What's that, son?

COP:

I said, what's the idea o' makin' a U-turn in the middle o' the block? Don'tcha know that's against the law?

JACK:

Well, I'll tell ya, officer, I don't get to the city very often, so I don't know much about them newfangled laws ya got here. (OLD CODGER LAUGH)

DENNIS:

What a per-FOR-mance!

JACK:

Ezray, be quiet! Ya see, officer, I live out Sherman Oaks Way, and I just drove mah ole lady an' mah boy in to see Santa Claus. (SPITS) Ptooie! Ain't that right, Mirandy?

MARY:

(OLD HILBILLY) Yer durn tootin'! Ptooie!

JACK:

This is the missus, officer.

COP:

Glad to know ya, ma'am. Now look, old-timer, ya gotta observe the traffic rules while drivin' in the city.

JACK:

Well, I'll tell ya...

DENNIS:

(RUBE) Get yer gun, Pa! That man's a revenooer!

JACK:

Ezray. Well, officer, I reckon we'll mosey along now. Thanks very much for your AD-vice.

COP:

All right, old-timer. But don't let this happen again!

JACK:

I won't. So long! Merry Christmas, officer!

MARY:

Merry Christmas!

DENNIS:

Merry Christmas!

COP:

Merry Christmas!

JACK:

Hoo-hoo! Well, gotta get mah shoppin' done. Drive on, Zeke!

ROCH:

Oh, Boss, come now!

JACK:

Rochester! Get goin', Zeke!

SFX:

MAXWELL DRIVES ON, UNDER

JACK:

Gotta git that shoppin' done! Hee-hee!

SFX:

LITTLE TOOTS OF MAXWELL'S HORN. CHUGGING OF MAXWELL'S ENGINE

MUSIC:

"ARKANSAS TRAVELLER", BRIEFLY, THEN OUT

DON:

One hour later!

SFX:

CHUGGING OF MAXWELL'S ENGINE, UNDER

JACK:

(HIMSELF AGAIN) Whoop-whoop! There's a place over there, Rochester! Oh, darn it, someone beat us to it.

MARY:

Now listen, Jack! If you don't put this car in a parking lot, I'm getting out!

JACK:

Oh, all right. But I don't see why-- Rochester, stop in front o' that cigar store! I'll be back in a minute, Mary.

MARY:

You can cash in those coupons some other time!

JACK:

Okay, smarty. But if those pearl necklaces number fifty-eight are all gone, YOU'LL be the one to suffer! Now, where's a parking lot?

DENNIS:

There's one up the road a piece, Pa! Ptooie!

JACK:

Dennis, you're not a rube any more, so take that Blackjack gum off your tooth! Rochester, drive into this parking lot here.

ROCH:

Okay, Boss.

SFX:

LITTLE TOOTS OF MAXWELL'S HORN ... SCREECHING TIRES, RATTLING METAL, AS MAXWELL SLOWS TO A STOP

JACK:

All right. Come on, Mary, get out. You too, Dennis. Dennis, get out!

DENNIS:

Wait a minute! My pants are caught in the spring!

JACK:

You wouldn't sit on that newspaper. Ya hadda be a smart-aleck. Now, hurry.

MARY:

Here comes the attendant.

JACK:

Hey, buddy, be careful where ya put this car. I don't want the fenders scraped. I'll be back in an hour.

ATTND:

Sorry, Mister, I can't accept this car until it gets dark.

JACK:

What? Whattayou mean?

MARY:

I knew this was gonna happen someday.

JACK:

Now look, buddy! That sign says "CARS PARKED, TWENTY-FIVE CENTS", and here's my quarter! Now, park my car!

ATTND:

Okay, but I'm gonna hide it in back o' that billboard!

JACK:

All right, hide it. C'mon, Mary.

ATTND:

Hey, hey, wait a minute! How do I know you'll come back for this thing?

JACK:

I'll come back; don't worry. C'mon, Mary.

MARY:

Okay. Hey, buddy?

ATTND:

Yeah, lady?

MARY:

That steering rod is broken, so if you wanna turn right, you gotta go through Pomona.

JACK:

Let him find out for himself, the wiseguy. Rochester, I'll meet you right here in an hour.

ROCH:

Okay, Boss.

JACK:

And remember, for every bottle of horseradish you sell, you get three cents. See ya later. Dennis, you stay with Rochester, and sing. That'll attract a crowd. C'mon, Mary. Mary, don't LOOK at me that way! That horseradish grows wild in my backyard!

DENNIS' SONG:

"ROSE O'DAY"

SFX:

BUSY DEPARTMENT STORE AMBIENCE, UNDER

JACK:

Gee, this store is crowded. Everybody pushing and shoving. Oh, Mary, have you got my Christmas list?

MARY:

Yes, here it is.

JACK:

What does it say?

MARY:

(READING) "Unless my vacuum cleaner is returned before January first, I shall take legal action. Signed, Ronald Colman."

JACK:

The list is on the other side! Let's have it.

MARY:

Well, why don't ya give Mr. Colman back his vacuum cleaner?

JACK:

Because Mr. Billingsley took it apart, and made a bagpipe out of it! It's all I hear around the house lately: "The Campbells are coming, ta-ra, ta-ra!" Now, let's see... What's on the list here? (READING LIST) "A safety razor for Don. A--" Oh, my goodness. (ANGRY) Hey, buddy... Buddy! What are you doing with your hand in my pocket?!

MORROW:

Like you said, we're buddies.

JACK:

You're a pickpocket! Get outta here! Hmmm... Now, let's see... Let's see... (READING LIST) "A razor for Don, a dozen blades for Phil, and a bird on a stick that goes BRRRRRRRRRR! for Dennis..." Remember, Mary? Last week, he told me he wanted one.

MARY:

You told me at Ciro's last night, you were gonna buy Dennis a grand piano!

JACK:

Last night, I had over four glasses of muscatel! I'm all right now, so where's the Toy department?

MARY:

Let's ask the floorwalker. There he is.

JACK:

Oh, yes. Dennis'll love that bird on a stick.

MARY:

How much do they cost, Jack?

JACK:

(AIRILY) Oh, fifteen cents. Or fifteen dollars. Who knows?

MARY:

YOU do.

JACK:

All right. Anyway, he'll love it. Now, pardon me, sir. Are you the floorwalker?

NELSON:

What do you THINK I am, with this carnation, a flowerpot?

JACK:

Oh. Well, uh... I'm looking for a toy bird on a stick, and when you swing it around your head, it goes BRRRRRRRRRRR! BRRRRRRRRRR!

NELSON:

You're a little old for that, aren't you, Twitterlips?

JACK:

It's not for ME. I'm getting it for a young friend o' mine. He LOVES toy birds!

NELSON:

Don't alibi. If you like to swing birds around your head, come out and say so.

JACK:

I DON'T like to swing birds! Believe me, it's for a kid I know. Now, will you please direct me to the Toy department?

NELSON:

Very well. It's on the third floor.

JACK:

Thanks.

NELSON:

Like FUN, it is!

JACK:

Never mind; I'll locate it myself! Certainly a FINE store to do business with!

NELSON:

You walked in, Sugarfoot; nobody dragged you.

JACK:

Oh, quiet! Come on, Mary. I think the Toy department is over there in the back.

MARY:

Say, Jack? What are ya gonna get ME for a present?

JACK:

Well, Mary, I thought I'd buy you something to go with that sable muff I gave you last year.

MARY:

SABLE muff??? That was rabbit!

JACK:

It was SABLE.

MARY:

Rabbit! I was walking through the Farmers Market yesterday, and it snapped at a head o' lettuce.

JACK:

Listen, Mary, a lotta sables are vegetarians too. And it happens that-- Oh, my goodness... Now, LOOK, buddy! I'm warning you, for the last time, TAKE YOUR HAND OUTTA MY POCKET!

SFX:

SNAP OF MOUSETRAP

MORROW:

Ouch! My finger!

JACK:

You asked for it. Now, gimme back that mousetrap! Hand it over.

MORROW:

The cheese too?

JACK:

There's no cheese in it. This one's for pickpockets. Now, get away from here! Now, Mary, I think if we go down this aisle--

MARY:

Uh-oh! Say, look, Jack. Look who's coming. Isn't that your border?

JACK:

Oh, yes. (CALLING) Hey, Mr. Billingsley? Mr. Billingsley?

MR B:

Hello there, Mr. Benny! Doing your Christmas shopping, I see!

JACK:

Yes, I'm in here, buying a few knick-knacks.

MR B:

Me too. I found some lovely knicks, but what floor are the knacks on, hmmm?

JACK:

(CHUCKLING) I really don't know. You'll have to ask the floorwalker.

MARY:

They'd get along fine.

JACK:

Yeah. By the way, Mr. Billingsley, I suppose I shouldn't ask you this, but, uh, what are you getting me for Christmas?

MR B:

Well, Mr. Benny, you know how crazy you are about raising flowers...

JACK:

Yes...

MR B:

And you'd certainly like to win a prize at the next flower show...

JACK:

Yes, yes...

MR B:

So, I'm getting you a hundred-pound sack of fertilizer. Goodbye!

JACK:

Goodbye. Hmm. Oh, it's a practical gift; I'll say that. Come on, Mary. There's the Toy department at the end of this aisle here.

MUSIC:

"TAKE THE A-TRAIN", FOR 40 SECONDS, THEN OUT

SFX:

BUSY DEPARTMENT STORE AMBIENCE, UNDER

JACK:

Gee, I thought it was over here. Maybe the Toy department is on the next floor.

MARY:

Oh, wait a minute. Here's the Perfume counter. I think I'll get some for my sister, Ethel.

JACK:

Well, don't spend a lotta money on perfume for her. She's so nearsighted, she can't read the label.

MARY:

No, but she can smell like a bloodhound, so it's gotta be good.

JACK:

Well, go ahead. Buy it.

MARY:

Uh, pardon me, Miss. I'd like to get some--

DOLLY:

Well, Mary Livingstone, of all people!

MARY:

Well, for heaven's sake! Dolly Dinklehoff!

JACK:

Dolly Dinklehoff???

DOLLY:

It's Dolly Dinklehoff-Harrington now. I finally got a man!

JACK:

(TO HIMSELF) It CAN'T be the Harrington I know. He'da wired me.

DOLLY:

What's new with you, Mary? Anything exciting?

MARY:

Oh, I'm still on the radio.

DOLLY:

Ya know, I always thought you'd marry Butch LeRoy, the fella that worked at the gas station.

MARY:

Oh, we broke up, Dolly. I haven't seen Butch in years.

DOLLY:

Well, you should'a hung onto him. He's got his own gas station now. With three GREASE PITS!

JACK:

(MIMICKING HER) Im-A-gine! (TO HIMSELF) It can't be Tom. I know--

DOLLY:

Say! What's this gentleman with the grey hair? Anything serious? (GIGGLES)

JACK:

Hmm.

MARY:

Oh, pardon me, Dolly. This is my boss, Jack Benny.

JACK:

Oh, hello, Miss.

DOLLY:

Gee whiz! Jack Benny? Ya know, I heard ya do "Doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" last week. What a per-FOR-mance!

JACK:

(TO HIMSELF) It CAN'T be Tom Harrington. (UP) Well, thanks, Dolly. Uh, come on, Mary. You can get your perfume later.

MARY:

All right. (LAUGHING) So long, Dolly!

DOLLY:

So long, Mary! I'll tell Butch I seen ya! (GIGGLES)

JACK:

Hm. Butch LeRoy. I'll bet that Butch was a corny guy.

MARY:

At least he was a gentleman.

JACK:

Whattaya mean HE was a gentleman?

MARY:

When all the lights went out the other night, YOU grabbed me, and wanted to neck!

JACK:

Well, I was so nervous, I didn't know what I was doing. Well, look who's here!

PHIL:

Hiya, Jackson! Mary!

MARY:

Are you shopping around too, Phil?

PHIL:

Nah, I'm just waitin' for Alice. She's up there in the boo-- er, in the beauty saloon, havin' her hair done.

JACK:

(AD LIBS) He's only got ONE line on the program, can't get it right. In the first place, Phil, that's SALON, not "saloon". Incidentally, Ringlets... Ringlets, why aren't YOU up there?

PHIL:

Because it ain't a saloon!

JACK:

Oh, that's a sharpie. See ya later, Phil!

PHIL:

So long. Oh, say, Jackson? I just seen Billingsley walkin' outta the store with a big sack over his shoulder. What's the idea?

JACK:

That's my Christmas present, Phil. Boy, am I gonna have flowers. (AD LIBS) Big ones, yet. And how!

MARY:

Come on, Jack. We're gonna get that toy for Dennis.

JACK:

Oh, yes. Oh, wait a minute, Mary. Phil just reminded me o' something. Let's go down to the Bargain Basement, and get some cheap ties for the boys in the orchestra.

MARY:

Aw, Jack, why don't ya get 'em some GOOD ties?

JACK:

Look, Mary, as long as the elastic snaps in 'em, they're happy. Come on. Here's the door to the basement, right here.

MARY:

Jack, I am NOT going down to the Bargain Basement this time o' the year! It's murder down there!

JACK:

Oh, it won't be so bad. Open the door.

MARY:

Well, okay.

SFX:

DOOR OPENS ... SOUNDS OF A WILD SALOON FIGHT ... DOOR CLOSES

JACK:

It IS pretty crowded at that. Come on, we'll get Dennis' toy. (SMILING) I can just see that kid's face, Christmas morning.

SFX:

TOY DEPARTMENT AMBIENCE, UNDER

JACK:

Oh, here's the Toy department. Where's the clerk?

MARY:

Here he comes.

JACK:

Oh, yeah.

MOOLEY:

Welcome to da Toy department. What can I do for yez?

JACK:

Hm. Uh, look, I'm interested in a toy bird on a stick for a young friend o' mine.

MOOLEY:

Well, I don't know if we got one, but here's a novelty dat all the kids is crazy about: a CH-emistry set!

JACK:

A CH-emistry set?

MOOLEY:

Yeah. Ya know, it's a science t'ing wit' a lotta CH-emicals.

JACK:

Oh. Oh, you mean chemicals, huh?

MARY:

Take it, Jack. It'll make a beautiful CH-istmas present.

JACK:

Mary. (TO MOOLEY) Well, it's nice, all right, but aren't these chemicals a little powerful?

MOOLEY:

ARE dey??? I give one to me youngster on his boithday, an' he blew up three safes before dey got 'im.

JACK:

Well, I don't think I'd care for that. I'm interested in a toy bird on a stick.

MOOLEY:

Well, here's somethin' that's not only fascinatin', but entertainin' as well. A Mama doll.

JACK:

Uh, a Mama doll?

MOOLEY:

Yeah. See how it woiks?

SFX:

TWO "MAMA" SQUEAKS

JACK:

(PLEASED) Well!

MOOLEY:

(SMILING) Ain't dat da nuts?

JACK:

Yeah. A Mama doll is a lovely gift, but I'm afraid that uh--

MOOLEY:

Ya know, I used to have one o' dose things when I was a kid, but my big brudder broke it. An' when I woke up the next mornin', (WAILS) there was my poor little dolly, WITH HER HEAD ALL SMASHED TO PIECES! (SOBS)

JACK:

Well, I'm sorry about that.

MOOLEY:

(SNIFFLES) Can I borrow your hanky?

JACK:

Yes, yes. Here ya are. Now, look, Mister, what I really want is a long stick with a toy bird on the--

MARY:

Hey, Jack, here's one. Is this what you want?

JACK:

Yes, that's it. A yellow canary on a stick! Look, Mary, here's the way it works. Ya swing it around your head like this, and the bird goes-- (TO MOOLEY) Hey, Mister, what's the matter with this? It doesn't work!

MOOLEY:

What's wrong wit' it?

JACK:

Look, I'm swinging it around my head, and the bird is supposed to go BRRRRRRRR! BRRRRRRRRRR! BRRRRRRRRR!

NELSON:

AHA!!! So, you were buying it for a little boy, huh?

JACK:

What???

NELSON:

You didn't want to play with it yourself. Not MUCH, you didn't!

JACK:

(ANNOYED) Now, wait a minute, Mr. Floorwalker! I was just testing it out to see if it worked! It's supposed to go BRRRRRRRRRR! And it doesn't!

NELSON:

The reason it doesn't go BRRRRRRRRRR! is because YOU broke it!

JACK:

I did no such thing! Did I, Mary?

MARY:

No, you broke the Mama doll.

JACK:

I DIDN'T break the Mama doll! It was this guy's brother, years ago!

MOOLEY:

(WAILING) When I woke up in the mornin', her poor little head was all smashed to bits!!! (SOBS)

(MOOLEY SOBS AND WAILS FOR THE REST OF THE SCENE, WHILE JACK AND NELSON ARGUE LOUDLY)

 

JACK:

Oh, for heaven's sake! Now, look, Mr. Floorwalker, all I came in here for was a bird on a stick, and if ya haven't got the one that goes BRRRRRRRR! I'll go someplace else!

NELSON:

WELL, YOU'RE NOT GOING UNTIL YOU PAY FOR THE ONE YOU BROKE! (CALLING MANAGER) Oh, Mr. HARPER! Mr. HARPER!

JACK:

All right, all right, I'll pay for it! But I'll tell ya ONE thing: This is the last time I'll ever do shopping in THIS store! And here's something else: I've seen floorwalkers before, AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I'D LIKE TO MOP THE FLOOR WITH!!!

(THIS SCENE OF COMPLETE CHAOS CROSSFADES INTO)

 

SFX:

LITTLE TOOTS OF MAXWELL'S HORN, AND CHUGGING OF ITS MOTOR

MARY:

(LAUGHING)

JACK:

(ANNOYED) Fine lot o' shopping I did today! I'll have to start over, tomorrow.

JACK:

Gee, it's getting dark.

JACK:

Yeah. Say, Rochester, how are the headlights on this car?

ROCH:

Boss, they've been ready for a blackout since 1922.

JACK:

Well, turn 'em on anyway. By the way, Rochester, are there any blackouts down on Central Avenue?

ROCH:

Yes, sir! Night and day!

JACK:

Oh, what I meant was--

JACK:

Hey, Jack, there's that policeman who was gonna give ya a ticket.

JACK:

Oh, yes. Slow down, Rochester.

SFX:

MAXWELL SLOWS DOWN

JACK:

(OLD RUBE) Howdy, officer! Got mah shoppin' done. Goin' back home now. (SPITS) Ptooie! Step on it, Zeke!

ROCH:

Okay, Boss, by cracky!

MUSIC:

UP, ESTABLISH, THEN FADE UNDER

DON:

Have you good people ever noticed how a tempting meal can cheer you right up? It needn't be elaborate. Fragrant old-fashioned beef stew will do it. But be sure to wind up with a grand dessert. A dessert like Mary Livingstone's favourite. It's called Jello Pear Whip. The most enticing dish you ever dipped a spoon in, and here's how you make it. Prepare as usual one package of Jello imitation Strawberry flavour. Chill it until cold and syrupy. Then place in a bowl of cracked ice, and whip it up til it's fluffy and thick and luscious, like rose-coloured whipped cream. Next, open a can of pears, and fold in a cup of pear pulp into your whipped Jello. Arrange slices of pears in sherbet glasses. Fill each glass with Jello, and garnish with gay green cherries. Now, just picture it: Individual sherbets filled to the brim with summer-sweet Strawberry Jello, whipped to a fluffy rose-coloured foam. Both canned pears and Strawberry Jello are being featured by many grocers all next week. So, get both of them, and try a treat. For, remember, Jello makes any gelatin recipe taste extra-good, because the locked-in process protects the flavour for your complete enjoyment!

MUSIC:

UP, THEN OUT

JACK:

This is the last number of the eleventh program in the current Jello series. And we will be with you again next Sunday night, at the same time. Gee, Mary, I'm so tired from all that shopping!

JACK:

Imagine how you'd feel if you'da BOUGHT something?

JACK:

Oh, I'da been a WRECK! Goodnight, folks.

MUSIC:

"JELLO" JINGLE

DON:

The Jello Program is written by Bill Morrow and Ed Beloin.