(CECIL AND SALLY ARE ON HER FRONT PORCH.) SALLY: Cecil, please don't do this awful thing. CECIL: Aw, what's so awful about it? SALLY: Cecil, if you just do this favour for me, I'll never ask you to do another one. CECIL: What do you want me to do? SALLY: Throw that plug of tobacco away. Please. CECIL: I won't do it. It cost money. And I'm gonna learn how to chew it, if it kills me. SALLY: You're determined? CECIL: Yes. SALLY: Then I hope it does. CECIL: Does what? SALLY: Kills you. It ought to. CECIL: Very well, if that's the way you feel about it. I guess you like sissies better. Someone like (SMARMY) Alexander. He'd die if you SUGGESTED this to him. SALLY: He has more sense than you have. He wouldn't eat that awful stuff. CECIL: Oh, I'm not gonna eat it. SALLY: Well, whatever you DO do with it, that makes you look so disgusting. CECIL: You chew it, that's all. That's what real he-men do. SALLY: If you must chew something, why don't you get some gum? CECIL: (CONTEMPTUOUS) Gum! Gum. Baby stuff. Gum. SALLY: Oh, I wish there were someone home to stop you. CECIL: Huh! That's why I came over here. Well, I'm gonna start now. SALLY: Cecil, if you do, if you just dare to, I'll go right in the house, and that's the last time I ever wanna see you again! CECIL: Oh... All over a little ten-cent plug o' tobacco. SALLY: I mean it. I'll go in the house, and I won't watch you. I won't! CECIL: Well, I'm gonna do it anyhow. Here, wanna smell it? SALLY: Eeek! Get that away from my nose! Cecil, ew! CECIL: Aw, you little baby! Can't even stand the smell. Aw, why don't you grow up? SALLY: Cecil. I'll give you one last chance. CECIL: I don't want it. SALLY: Are you going to eat that stuff? Are you? CECIL: I told you that you DON'T eat it. SALLY: Are you going to chew it? Are you? CECIL: Yes, I am. SALLY: Then, you know what it means. CECIL: It means that no one can ever sneer at me. I can do what anybody else can do. SALLY: Very well. Then, this is goodbye. I'm going in the house. CECIL: G'bye. D'you mind if I sit out here on your front porch, and learn how to do this? SALLY: I don't care WHAT you do. I'm never going to speak to you again. CECIL: Well, g'bye. When you get over it, lemme know. SALLY: (PLEADING) Cecil, don't. Don't put that in your mouth. Oh, Cecil, please don't. CECIL: Hey, I thought you were going in the house. SALLY: Well... I am. I couldn't watch you do this. It would make me too sick. CECIL: Ha! And I thought you weren't gonna speak to me again. SALLY: Nothing can stop you? CECIL: Well, nothing I can think of. Well, are you gonna watch me? SALLY: No. I certainly am not. CECIL: Well. Here goes. I thought you weren't gonna watch me. SALLY: Oh, I'll watch you. I might as well stay out here. After all, you came over to see me. Even if you ARE going to-- to do THAT. CECIL: Well. Very well. Uh, here's my first big step into real manhood. SALLY: Oh, Cecil, can't you chew licorice instead? It's just the same. And no one will ever know the difference. CECIL: I don't wanna be a fake. I'll do the real thing, or nothing. SALLY: Well then, be nothing, Cecil. You're so much nicer, Cecil. Oh, you're not gonna spoil yourself and-- Nobody will like you any more. CECIL: Well, listen. Suppose the pioneer women hadn't had anything to do with the pioneers, just because they chewed tobacco. Where would you be today? SALLY: Oh... go ahead, then. I won't try to stop you. Oh, I could just cry! CECIL: (LITTLE CHUCKLE) Well... here goes. Don't look at me like I was gonna swallow a snake. SALLY: Oh, it couldn't be any worse. Oh... CECIL: Well, one... two... three (TAKES A BITE OF TOBACCO PLUG, AND STARTS CHEWING) There. SALLY: Oh, Cecil, spit it out. Don't chew it, Cecil. Please don't. CECIL: (MOUTH FULL) Oh, hush up. I'm doing it. SALLY: Cecil. If you don't spit it out, this minute, I'll go right in the house. I will. I mean it, this time. CECIL: (MOUTH FULL) Oh, go on. I don't care. I'm gonna learn what this is all about. SALLY: Well, I'll stay then. I might as well be out here as in the house. CECIL: (MOUTH FULL) Go on in the house. I'd just as soon be alone. SALLY: This is MY house, and you can't order me to do what you want me to do in my own house! I'll stay out here if I like! CECIL: All right, that's settled. (BEAT) Do I look any different? SALLY: Not yet. How does it taste, Cecil? (GIGGLE) CECIL: (SORE TONGUE) It burns my tongue. Golly, it's hard. SALLY: What flavour is it? CECIL: Tobacco. SALLY: I hope it makes you sick. CECIL: It won't. SALLY: How do you feel? CECIL: (VOICE CRACKS) No different. SALLY: Don't you feel like a big he-man? That's what you wanted to feel like. CECIL: I feel great. I'm sorry to disappoint you. And what's more, it doesn't burn like it did at first. SALLY: Oh, it doesn't? CECIL: N-no. It-- it burns a little bit more. SALLY: How long are you going to do that, Cecil? CECIL: Oh, I don't know. SALLY: Are you going to chew the whole plug? CECIL: Sure. I have to take it a bite at a time, though. After I'm good, I can take it all in one bite. SALLY: Cecil, are you sure that you're supposed to eat the whole plug at one time? CECIL: Will you get it outta your head that I'm eating it? Golly. (TAKES ANOTHER BITE OF TOBACCO PLUG) SALLY: I don't see how you can get the whole piece in your mouth. CECIL: (CHUCKLING) W-w-well, I did. (CHUCKLING) Oh, this is fun. SALLY: What does it taste like? CECIL: Huh, you wouldn't know. SALLY: Does it taste good? CECIL: Mm, no. SALLY: I'm glad. Does it taste bad? CECIL: N-no. SALLY: Well, it must taste some way. CECIL: W-well, it tastes kinda hot, that's all. SALLY: Don't chew so fast, Cecil. CECIL: (A BIT QUEASY) Do I look so terrible now, do I? Why, you can't even tell. SALLY: Well, you look all right, but I still say it's horrible and ugly. CECIL: (SLIGHTLY UNEASY CHUCKLE) Aw, rats, it's nothing. SALLY: Why don't you stop, Cecil? CECIL: Wait. I haven't started yet. (TAKES ANOTHER BITE) Whew! Golly, but it burns. SALLY: Maybe it's the wrong kind, Cecil. CECIL: Naw, it's supposed to burn. That's what Sam told me. He said it would. SALLY: Well, there's no sense to it. It's silly. Why don't you stop, Cecil? CECIL: Oh, I'm getting along fine. SALLY: Are you having a good time? CECIL: N-no. SALLY: Why? CECIL: Why, it's too much like work. SALLY: Then, why don't you stop? CECIL: I'm not gonna give this up! Now, I'm gonna finish. SALLY: What are you doing now, Cecil? Resting? CECIL: (QUEASY) Yes. This is tiresome. Whew! SALLY: Cecil, throw it away. Please. You've had enough. I won't be mad at you. CECIL: No, I have to do this for half an hour. That's the only way. SALLY: But it isn't any fun. You just said so. And you're going to look so awful. CECIL: I won't do it, now. You needn't try to talk me out of it. SALLY: Please, Cecil. I'm beginning to get nervous. I'll get you a glass of water, and you can gargle. CECIL: Oh, well-- well... SALLY: Oh, all right then. Go ahead. Be a big man. I don't see anything so wonderful and manly about that. CECIL: Well, as-- as long as you insist, well, (VOICE CRACKS) I'll stop. SALLY: Oh, no. Go ahead. Keep it up. It doesn't make any difference to me now. The damage is already done. CECIL: (SOTTO) Yeah, that's what I think. (UP) I mean, well, I'll stop. I don't wanna make you mad. Whew! SALLY: Hmph. You didn't need to stop on MY account. CECIL: (NERVOUS LAUGH) Don't say I never did do anything for you. Whew! SALLY: Goodness, you look relieved. I don't believe you liked that. CECIL: (A LITTLE SHAKY) Well, I did it anyhow. Whew! Whew! SALLY: Stop blowing like a whale! Does your mouth still burn? CECIL: Uh-huh. Yes. I have to get that smell of tobacco away from me (GETTING QUEASIER) before I go home. SALLY: I'll get you some perfume upstairs. CECIL: Oh, ye gods. Here I was trying-- I-I mean, I was chewing tobacco, a he-man job, and now you wanna put (GETTING QUEASIER) perfume on me. SALLY: Well, get some gasoline, then. I don't care. CECIL: I'll take care of myself. SALLY: Cecil. Don't you want a glass of water to rinse out your mouth? CECIL: No! I'm no-- no baby. I-I-- Whew! SALLY: Cecil, are you sleepy? CECIL: N-no. Why should I be sleepy? SALLY: Well, what do you keep letting your eyes close for, then? CECIL: (SLIGHTLY SLURRED) O-on second thought, I-I'm a little bit sleepy. SALLY: Well, you LOOK sleepy. D'you wanna go in the house, and rest on the davenport? CECIL: N-no, I-I like the nice, fresh air out-- Whew! Out here. SALLY: Cecil, open your eyes. You ARE sleepy! CECIL: W-well... (NERVOUS LAUGH) Y-yes, just a little bit. Can I lie down here on your front porch, a minute? SALLY: Don't, Cecil. Don't lie down on the floor. You'll get your nice white sweater all dirty. SFX: BODY THUD, AS HE FLOPS DOWN ON THE PORCH FLOOR SALLY: Oh, why did you do that? CECIL: (SLURRED) S-Sally? W-will you do me a big favour? SALLY: Yes. Want me to go and bring you out a pillow? CECIL: (MISERABLY) No... G-go away. Please, go away. SALLY: Go away? But why? Do you want that glass of water, Cecil? CECIL: (SLURRED AND QUEASY) Y-yes. N-no. Y-yes. Just do me this one li'l favour. (GETTING WEAKER) Go away. Isn't that plain? Go away, willya? Go away from me...