SALLY:
Cecil... do you, or don't you wanna learn how to play Bridge?
CECIL:
I don't I.
SALLY:
You don't?
CECIL:
No.
SALLY:
Why?
CECIL:
Cause I don't feel like it.
SALLY:
Well, I guess there's no use for me to get the other deck of cards, then.
CECIL:
Not a bit of use. Here. (GIVES SEVERAL CARDS TO HER) Here are the missing ones from the first deck.
SALLY:
Cecil Shortridge! You DID hide them, after all! You told a-a--
CECIL:
I told the truth. I didn't hide 'em.
SALLY:
Well, what are three cards doing on the floor?
CECIL:
I didn't hide them. They accidentally-- That is, I accidentally brushed them on the floor. And that isn't hidin' them.
SALLY:
And you knew they were there all the time?
CECIL:
Sure. Right under my foot.
SALLY:
Well, why didn't you say so?
CECIL:
You didn't ask me.
SALLY:
Oh, goodness, you're impossible!
CECIL:
Thanks.
SALLY:
It's no compliment. Here's your chance to learn how to play cards and become a social lion, and you let it slip by.
CECIL:
I don't wanna be any kind of an animal.
SALLY:
Do you wanna be stupid all your life?
CECIL:
Hey! Who's stupid? You're just learning, yourself.
SALLY:
Well, all right. We won't play.
CECIL:
You're a punk teacher, anyhow.
SALLY:
I was reading the rules right out of the book.
CECIL:
Well, it's a punk book, then.
SALLY:
I don't see how you ever finished grammar school.
CECIL:
I often wonder, myself.
SALLY:
You were playing the game fine, until the phone rang, and I had my back turned, and--
CECIL:
Hey, that's right. Let's get this straight about that dance. When is it?
SALLY:
It's the day after tomorrow, and we're going together. (GIGGLE)
CECIL:
I don't like to go to dances when I don't know the girl that's giving it.
SALLY:
Cecil. I said that I've invited you to go with me. What do YOU say?
CECIL:
I say, I'll bet it's gonna be a dead dance.
SALLY:
It's going to be a lovely dance. Why, I've known Flossie all my life.
CECIL:
That isn't so long. It doesn't mean anything.
SALLY:
And she wouldn't give a party that wasn't a lot of fun. And if you don't wanna take me, well, I'll phone Alexander.
CECIL:
I'll take you! Gee, I wanna go. I was just asking about it.
SALLY:
(GIGGLE) Well, that's fine. I'd rather go with you, anyhow, Cecil.
CECIL:
It's the day after tomorrow, huh?
SALLY:
Sure. This is the first party of its kind that we've ever been to together.
CECIL:
Of THIS kind? What kind is it?
SALLY:
Oh, didn't I tell you?
CECIL:
No.
SALLY:
Oh. It's a costume party.
CECIL:
That lets ME out. I won't go.
SALLY:
But why, Cecil? That will be fun.
CECIL:
Does everyone have to put on a costume?
SALLY:
Well, sure. You can't go unless you wear a costume.
CECIL:
Well. (CHUCKLES) I hope you have a good time. I wouldn't dress up for King Solomon.
SALLY:
Oh, Cecil. (GIGGLE) Come on. I wouldn't wanna go unless YOU went.
CECIL:
That's fine. Thanks. But I'll stay home.
SALLY:
Oh, please, Cecil. Why won't you go?
CECIL:
I don't like to have to deck all out.
SALLY:
Is that the only reason?
CECIL:
And-- and besides... I haven't any costume. And I haven't any money to rent one.
SALLY:
Oh, I can fix that.
CECIL:
How?
SALLY:
If I get you a costume, will you go?
CECIL:
Oh... I don't wanna go, Sally. I don't know that bunch, and besides that--
SALLY:
Well, you don't have to know them. You'll be with me. Please, Cecil.
CECIL:
I haven't been to a masquerade for a heck of a long time.
SALLY:
If I get you something to wear, will you go with me? Huh?
CECIL:
Where're you gonna get something?
SALLY:
Oh, I have something.
CECIL:
(SUSPICIOUS) What?
SALLY:
Now, you leave it to me. Will you go? (GIGGLE)
CECIL:
Oh... Oh, all right. But I don't want to. And I'm not gonna have any fun.
SALLY:
(GIGGLE) Well, that's fine. Now, it's all agreed. We have to leave about eight, so you can dress over at my house.
CECIL:
Why should I do that?
SALLY:
Oh, I mean, put your costume on.
CECIL:
What're you gonna fix for me to wear?
SALLY:
(GIGGLE) Well, I have it all planned out. (GIGGLE)
CECIL:
As long as I'm gonna wear it, would you mind telling me what it is?
SALLY:
(GIGGLE) Oh, Cecil, I can just see you. (GIGGLE) You're going to look so cute!
CECIL:
Ye gods, do I have to look cute?
SALLY:
Oh, Cecil, I'll fix you all up. Now, you just leave it to me.
CECIL:
Will you please tell me what kind of a costume you've got for me to wear?
SALLY:
Well... (GIGGLE) You're going to wear one of my dresses. (GIGGLE) I'll dress you up like a girl.
CECIL:
(BEAT) Nothin' doin.
SALLY:
Oh, Cecil, I'll dress you up. You can wear all my clothes.
CECIL:
Might just as well stop. I won't do it. That's out. Way out. Outta sight. In other words, NO.
SALLY:
Cecil, you mean you won't go to the party, dressed like a girl?
CECIL:
Could you understand English, if I spoke real slow?
SALLY:
But, Cecil. Why, I think that's a wonderful plan. I'm sure you'd look just as sweet...
CECIL:
Aw, rats. Cut it out, willya?
SALLY:
Oh, goodness, what'sa matter with you? What's wrong with going dressed like a girl?
CECIL:
Everything! And you might just as well forget it.
SALLY:
But, Cecil, I haven't anything else. I-- Well, it's too late to make you a costume.
CECIL:
Well, that's just too bad. I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.
SALLY:
You are not. And you're just being mean. You just want an excuse not to take me.
CECIL:
That's not so, Sally. I wanna go with you, but, well... you can't make me put on girl's clothes.
SALLY:
I'll bet Alexander wouldn't mind wearing girl's clothes.
CECIL:
Don't I know it! He's just that type. Sissy.
SALLY:
Well, I'd rather be a sissy than a baby.
CECIL:
Well, you can be either one you want to. And I won't lose any sleep.
SALLY:
Then you won't go, huh?
CECIL:
I won't dress up like a girl.
SALLY:
Very well, then. (BEAT) I guess I'll have to phone Alexander, and ask him to take me. I've already accepted, and I have to go, now.
CECIL:
Aw, you wouldn't phone Alexander, would ya? That heel?
SALLY:
Well, if YOU won't take me, I have to.
CECIL:
Who said I wouldn't take you? Why, of course I'll take you!
SALLY:
And you'll wear MY clothes, and let me fix you up?
CECIL:
(BEAT) Will there be anybody at the party that (LITTLE SHUDDER) I know?
SALLY:
Just me.
CECIL:
Well... All right, then. But I wouldn't do this for anyone else. And I want you to know what a big favour I'm doing you.
SALLY:
(GIGGLE) Thanks. I know it, Cecil.
CECIL:
All right, then. What are YOU gonna wear?
SALLY:
Oh, that's right. I forgot all about myself. (GIGGLE) I must wear something too.
CECIL:
Well, I should hope so. Why don't you go as a half-wit? (CHUCKLES) Then you wouldn't have to dress up.
SALLY:
(GIGGLE) Oh, Cecil, now you stop. (GIGGLE) Well, what shall I wear? (IDEA) Oh, I think I have an old Hallowe'en party-dress someplace.
CECIL:
Yeah. That'd be fine, if it were a Hallowe'en party, but it's not. Can't you dress up like a little girl, with bow-ribbons on your hair?
SALLY:
Oh, Cecil, that would be silly. (GIGGLE)
CECIL:
I guess you think me, dressed up in girl's clothes, is very sensible.
SALLY:
Well, that's different. (IDEA) Oh, I know! Yessir, I know. I'll wear YOUR clothes!
CECIL:
Like fun, you will!
SALLY:
Why, Cecil, I think that would be nice! I know they'd fit me.
CECIL:
I won't dance with ya. Honest. (IDEA) Hey, I've got a peach of an idea! Oh, Mammy! You'll like this!
SALLY:
Well, what is it, Cecil? I wanna have a different kind of costume.
CECIL:
Well-- well, first-- Oh. (AWKWARD LAUGH) I wanna ask you something personal.
SALLY:
Something personal???
CECIL:
Yeah. Do you mind?
SALLY:
Nnn-o. Go ahead.
CECIL:
Well-- Oh, this won't cost anything, and it'd be a heck of a good thing to wear! Well... I wanna know--(AWKWARD LAUGH) Well... Does your uncle wear... uh, does he wear pyjamas?
SALLY:
Why, Cecil? What has that-- My goodness! What a thing to ask!
CECIL:
Well, does he? That's all I wanna know.
SALLY:
Well, I don't see what that has to do with the party.
CECIL:
It has everything to do with your costume. (BEAT) Does he?
SALLY:
Well... (GIGGLE) If you won't tell anybody, I'll tell you.
CECIL:
Aw, what would I wanna tell anyone for?
SALLY:
Well, Uncle Thomas is so old-fashioned, he, uh, well, it's a habit. Uh, he, uh, he wears a nightgown. (GIGGLE) Cecil, isn't that awful?
CECIL:
(CHUCKLING) Aw, that's fine. That's just what I was hoping.
SALLY:
But why, Cecil?
CECIL:
Aw, you're a cinch. There's your costume. Something different. You can go to the party, dressed as an angel.
SALLY:
As an angel???
CECIL:
(CHUCKLING) Sure! Get one of your uncle's nightgowns. They'll be plenty big. And we'll get some cardboard, and cut out some wings to hook on the back, and... There you are. You're an angel.
SALLY:
Oh, Cecil, and you're a genius! (HAPPY GASP) Oh, that'll be lovely! (GIGGLE)
CECIL:
You don't happen to have a harp around the house, you could carry, do ya?
SALLY:
(THINKS) Oh... no. But maybe I could get a little one, a toy, at the five-and-ten-cent store.
CECIL:
Aw, we're both all set, then! You get your angel costume together, and my outfit too, and I'll come over here... and we'll dress over here at your house... and then we'll go to the party... (CHUCKLING) ohhhh! And just knock 'em dead. Right smack, between the eyes. Socko. Just like that!