Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: The Screen Guild Theater
Show: Take a Letter, Darling
Date: Nov 04 1948

CAST:
MacGREGOR, advertising executive
TOM VERNEY, her personal secretary
ATWATER, her partner
CALDWELL, a wealthy client from the South
MR. FRENCH
MRS. FRENCH
GIRL
1ST GOSSIP
2ND GOSSIP
3RD GOSSIP
WAITER
BARCLAY, announcer
SMITH, announcer

SMITH:

(COLD) From Hollywood.

BARCLAY:

Rosalind Russell and Fred MacMurray hitting a new in comedy high in "Take a Letter, Darling".

MUSIC:

STINGS ... HOLDS UNDER

SMITH:

Yes...From Hollywood.... The Screen Guild Players brought to you each Thursday night by...

MUSIC:

BUILDS STING ... AND HOLDS UNDER

SMITH:

...Camel Cigarettes!

MUSIC:

UP FULL INTO CAMEL THEME AND FADE OUT INTO

SMITH:

How mild can a cigarette be?

BARCLAY:

Smoke Camels ... and see!

SMITH:

Prove for yourself ... what noted throat specialists reported in a coast to coast thirty day smoking test of hundreds of men and women.

BARCLAY:

In this test, the doctors reported not one single case of throat irritation due to smoking Camels!

MUSIC:

FULL INTO CAMEL THEME ... AND DOWN FOR

SMITH:

Thursday night...Screen Guild night...when Camel Cigarettes bring you your favorite stars in their greatest motion picture roles! Tonight it's a bright and sparkling comedy....the kind that's put our two talented guests right at the head of the Hollywood parade. Yes, for laughter, for hilarity, just for the fun of it, The Screen Guild Players present.....

MUSIC:

STINGS...AND HOLDS UNDER

BARCLAY:

"Take a Letter, Darling" starring Fred MacMurray and Rosalind Russell!

MUSIC:

PLAY THEME (FADE INTO:)

SOUND:

OFFICE NOISES IN BACKGROUND

GIRL:

Good morning, sir. Something I can do for you?

TOM:

(FADING IN) Well -- yes. I have a letter of introduction to A. M. McGregor.

GIRL:

Is it about a job?

TOM:

Yeah. The name is Tom Verney; and the letter's from Bill Clancy.

GIRL:

Well, looking at you, I'd say you'll get the job...chump... Just a second.

SOUND:

RECEIVER OFF HOOK

GIRL:

Hello --

MAC:

(FILTER) McGregor's office.

GIRL:

Mr. Tom Verney to see you. He has a letter of introduction from Mr. Clancy.

MAC:

(FILTER) How does he look?

GIRL:

Do you want my opinion as an employee, or as a female?

MAC:

(FILTER) Is there a difference?

GIRL:

Definitely. As an employee, I'd say uh-uh...But as a female....(WHISTLE)

MAC:

(FILTER) Well, run him in, and I'll take a look for myself.

SOUND:

RECEIVER CLICKS

GIRL:

(TO TOM) McGregor'll see you right away.

TOM:

Thanks. Where's the office?

GIRL:

Right down the hall. You'll see the name on the door.

SOUND:

STEPS...KNOCK ON DOOR

MAC:

(OFF) Come in.

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES...STEPS

TOM:

Mr. Verney to see Mr. McGregor.

MAC:

I know. Give me the letter.

TOM:

Huh?

MAC:

I said, "Give me the letter, Barney."

TOM:

Verney.

MAC:

Sorry.

TOM:

My letter's for McGregor...personally.

MAC:

I am McGregor...personally.

TOM:

Huh.

MAC:

Now, give me the letter and sit down.

TOM:

Yes, sir.

MAC:

What was that?

TOM:

I mean, yes, ma'am.

SOUND:

RATTLE LETTER

MAC:

Go ahead, Varney.

TOM:

Verney.

MAC:

Whatever it is -- sit down while I read this.

TOM:

Clancy didn't tell me McGregor was a lady.

MAC:

Is a lady! (LAUGHS) Did you write this letter?

TOM:

No, no. I heard Clancy dictate it though. We went to school together.

MAC:

Then you know I should be able to find a place for you here, because you are quote "a very clever lad."

TOM:

Well------ (SELF CONSCIOUS LAUGH) Of course I told him to omit the "very".

MAC:

Oh---just clever. Yes, that would have shown the proper touch of modesty.

TOM:

That's just what I told Clancy.

MAC:

For the third time, sit down. (THUD) Now, have you ever been in public relations before?

TOM:

No......not publicly!

MAC:

What have you done?

TOM:

Well...uh...nothing. I had an income.

MAC:

And now your piggy-bank is empty, eh?

TOM:

Not exactly.... but it's suffering from malnutrition!

MAC:

College graduate?

TOM:

Yes.

MAC:

Do you want to be in public relations?

TOM:

Well...uh....no.

MAC:

That's a great start. What would you like to do?

TOM:

I guess I'm childish, but that's my secret.

MAC:

Stand up. (PAUSE) Can you wear clothes?

TOM:

Well, don't look now, but there's a law that makes me wear 'em.

MAC:

Please answer my questions and try not to be cute.

TOM:

Pardon me, fire away.

MAC:

Do you dance?

TOM:

Fairly well...no prizes.

MAC:

Have any romantic obligations?

TOM:

No...that is, to speak of.

MAC:

Well....I'll give you a try. The starting salary is a hundred dollars a week.

TOM:

Thanks....but what could I possibly do around here that's worth a hundred dollars a week?

MAC:

You'll be my private secretary.

TOM:

Secretary!? I...I don't know anything about typing...or dictation...or...

MAC:

Oh, we have plenty of girls in the office who are expert at all those things. Your duties will be more personal.

TOM:

OH!

MAC:

Well, what do you say?

TOM:

NO!

MAC:

What?

TOM:

Miss McGregor, I've admitted I'm here because I need the money, but if what I'm thinking is right, I'd rather go out and dig a good, deep ditch!

TOM:

Relax, Mr. Verney. (PAUSE) You're sweet...in fact, you're perfectly precious. But, believe me, I won't harm you.

TOM:

Well, I just wanted to be sure.

MAC:

Before you start, I'd like to have my little say. My last four secretaries went out on their ears because their unusual duties gave them illusions of irresistible masculinity. Do you follow me, or are you ahead of me again?

TOM:

I'm sorry.

MAC:

Good. Now, go to Duechez, the tailor's, right away. Get yourself a full dress suit. Here's the address.

TOM:

Tails?

MAC:

Everything. Tell them it's a rush job and charge it to my account. We're going out tonight.

TOM:

A full dress suit...

MAC:

Yes, and better hurry. You may need alterations.

TOM:

(OFF) Where will I meet you?

MAC:

Just give me your address. I'll pick you up at your place...at seven. (PAUSE) Well?

TOM:

I just wanted you to know you needn't bring me a corsage....just a white gardenia....that won't clash with my tie. Goodbye.

SOUND:

DOOR SLAMS

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

SOUND:

HORN

TOM:

(FADING IN) Good evening, Miss MacGregor. Were you calling for me?

MAC:

Well, at least you're prompt. That's something. (PAUSE) Here is your gardenia.

TOM:

Oh, Miss McGregor, you shouldn't have gone to all that trouble for unimportant little me.

MAC:

It's worth it. You never looked lovelier. Get in.

SOUND:

CAR DOOR..CAR PULLS AWAY...MOTOR BACKGROUND FOR SCENE

MAC:

This job must seem a bit unusual to you, Verney.

TOM:

It does.

MAC:

It is. A woman in business faces many problems; and the greatest problem is men.

TOM:

Oh.

MAC:

I sell publicity service to men. The fact that I'm a woman helps, but it also brings complications.

TOM:

Naturally.

MAC:

That's where you come in. Tonight you're saving a big account for me by reassuring a jealous wife.

TOM:

I'm reassuring a jealous wife?

MAC:

We're dining with Mr. and Mrs. French. Mr. French is Public Relations Manager of Castle Soups.

TOM:

And you're trying to get the account.

MAC:

And I will get the account if Mrs. French will stop being suspicious of the time her husband spends with me... and the simplest way of reassuring her that I'm only after the account is to introduce her to my fiance.

TOM:

Is he gonna be there, too?

MAC:

He's you.

TOM:

Oh, I get it...you wind up with the account and I wind up in the Soup.

MAC:

There's nothing underhanded about this. Mrs. French's suspicions are unfounded and should be corrected.

TOM:

All I'm supposed to do is act like you belong to me?

MAC:

Yes. Of course you love me, but you're confident.

TOM:

Naturally. It isn't every boy has a girl bringing him gardenias.

MAC:

Don't be coy! Give Mrs. French plenty of flattery and attention and I'll get the account from Mr. French. (PAUSE) What's the matter?

TOM:

Well, I don't feel honest. I don't even feel like a man.

SOUND:

CAR MOTOR CROSS-FADE INTO: NIGHT CLUB ATMOSPHERE...

FRENCH:

Oh, waiter.

WAITER:

Yes, Mr. French?

FRENCH:

There'll be a Miss McGregor joining us. Will you direct her to our----oh never mind----there she comes now.

MAC:

(FADING IN) Hello.

FRENCH:

Welcome------welcome! Miss McGregor, this is Mrs. French.

MAC:

How do you do?

MRS. F:

(COLDLY) How do you do?

MAC:

May I present my fiance, Mr. Verney? Mrs. French.

TOM:

How do you do.

MRS. F:

Did you say your fiance? How charming!

MAC:

I hoped you'd like him. He's mad about dancing...aren't you, dear?

TOM:

Huh? Oh...yes. Would you care to dance, Mrs. French?

MRS. F:

(BLANKLY) Shouldn't we wait for the music to start?

TOM:

Well.... ah.... well, I......

MUSIC:

STARTS

MAC:

There it is now! You two go right ahead. Mr. French and I can talk business while we're waiting.

MRS. F:

Mr. Verney, do you rhumba?

TOM:

Oh, yes--in fact I'd rather rhumba than dance.

MRS. F:

(LAUGHS COYLY)

MUSIC:

DANCE BAND UP BRIEFLY---HOLD BEHIND

MRS. F:

You dance divinely, Mr. Verney.

TOM:

May I say that you too can trip the light---fantastic?

MRS. F:

You know, you have a very lovely fiancee.

TOM:

Oh, yes. Mac's quite a girl.

MRS. F:

Don't you ever worry about her? I mean--spending so many evenings in business conferences with wolves...I mean, with men like my husband.

TOM:

What is there to worry about? Mac loves me...and I trust her completely...especially with as fine a wolf...I mean a man...as your husband. Incidentally, Mr. French is a very fortunate man.

MRS. F:

Really, Mr. Verney. How do you mean?

TOM:

Imagine the trouble he'd have if a woman like you...in the full bloom of maturity...should suddenly decide to spread her wings.

MRS. F:

Spread my wings! Why, Mr. Verney. (LAUGHS) What a thought!

TOM:

What a spread!

MRS. F:

It positively makes me vibrate!

TOM:

You're probably just warming up for the take-off.

MRS. F:

Mr. Verney! You say the quaintest things.

TOM:

You're a great inspiration, Mrs. French. I hope Mr. French appreciates you.

MRS. F:

I don't think he does.

TOM:

I didn't think he would. But, then, what man could....really.

MUSIC:

DANCE BAND UP AND INTO TRANSITION

GIRL:

Good morning, Miss McGregor.

MAC:

(FADING IN) Good morning, Jeanette. Has Mr. Atwater come in yet?

GIRL:

Yes, Miss McGregor.

MAC:

(FADING) Good. If anyone wants me, I'll be in his office.

SOUND:

BRISK STEPS...DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

MAC:

(FADING IN) Well, how's the other half of Atwater and McGregor?

ATWATER:

Terrible, Mac. Terrible!

MAC:

Well, cheer up. I'll have French's name on the contract before the day's over.

ATWATER:

I suppose I should be happy.

MAC:

That new secretary of mine is a pip. Mrs. French not only isn't jealous of her husband any more, she's wondering how she can get rid of him. (PAUSE) Say, am I boring you? We've just added a brand new, million dollar account to our books.

ATWATER:

I'm sorry, Mac. Really I am. But last night I met a man who, in ten minutes, taught me to hate the world.. and him....and myself.

MAC:

He sounds like a bad hangover. Who is he?

ATWATER:

Jonathan Caldwell, Jr. President of the Caldwell Cotton Mills...

MAC:

Hmmm. Last year that was a five million dollar account.

ATWATER:

Yes..and this year it may be even more.

MAC:

Well, forget him. He's not our headache. Justin and Smith have that account tied up for life.

ATWATER:

(SNORT) That's what they think. It just so happens that Mr. Caldwell and his sister -- who own the whole company.. are in town for the sole purpose of changing publicity agents.

MAC:

Well, what are we waiting for? Where is this cotton King?

ATWATER:

It's no use, Mac. He wouldn't cotton to you.

MAC:

Why not?

ATWATER:

Right now, Mr. Caldwell is paying alimony to four ex-wives and it's gone to his brain ... if he ever had one ... He not only hates his four ex-wives, he hates all women.

MAC:

Does he hate his sister, too?

ATWATER:

Noooo ... he just despises her.

MAC:

Well, if four women have managed to talk him into matrimony -- I should be able to talk him into a contract.

ATWATER:

Now, Mac.... you're a more capable woman than I am ....

MAC:

Well, thanks.

ATWATER:

.... Than I am a man. And I wish you'd learn to let me finish a sentence!

MAC:

Go ahead.

ATWATER:

There isn't the slightest chance that you... or any other woman ... could sell anything to Caldwell. Why ... he hasn't had lipstick on his handkerchief in over a year ... not that I have. Say, where are you going?

MAC:

Verney and I are going to work. To study the cotton business in general, and the Caldwell Company in particular. If you want us, we'll be up at my cabin.

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

TOM:

Mac, I'm convinced now. There is no Santa Claus.

MAC:

What's bothering you, Verney?

TOM:

A secretary on a week-end with the boss ... and both of us busy ..... reading.

MAC:

Yeah. Here are seven years of Caldwell's life in newspaper clippings ... seven years and four wives.

TOM:

I know, seven years with the wrong women.

MAC:

Now he hates every woman he meets.

TOM:

And according to the papers, he meets 'em all.

MAC:

Anyway, I've volunteered to get this woman hater's signature on a contract.

TOM:

You'll get it.

MAC:

Why?

TOM:

Why? You're different, that's why ... and the minute he finds out you're different, he's hooked.

MAC:

Thanks. But it won't be that simple.

TOM:

Yes, it will. It wouldn't be for most women -- but for you it'll be a cinch. A woman without emotion can plan like a general in battle.

MAC:

Oh, I see! Verney, why do you work at a job you don't like?

TOM:

Have you ever been to Mexico?

MAC:

What brought that on?

TOM:

There are things down there yelling to be put on canvas... And I think I'm the guy to do it.

MAC:

Oh! How long have you been painting?

TOM:

Ever since I was a kid. Trouble is, I paint what I like, and nine times out of ten that means no money.

MAC:

Are you good?

TOM:

I haven't decided yet. Anyway, that's why I took this job. As soon as I save enough to buy a jalopy and a trailer, I'm going back to Mexico to paint my head off and live by the sun.

MAC:

I've dreamt those dreams. They never come true.

TOM:

They will for me some day.

MAC:

Well ... I'll tell you something silly. I write poetry. (PAUSE) Well, go ahead and laugh.

TOM:

Why? All of us are poets -- some of us can put it in words, and some just got a feeling.

MAC:

I like you, Verney.

TOM:

Well, thanks.

MAC:

Never fall in love with me, will you? I'd hate to fire you ...

TOM:

Don't worry!

MAC:

Why do you say it like that?

TOM:

I couldn't fall in love with you if I wanted to ... and I don't want to.

MAC:

Why not?

TOM:

Because you're a beautiful brain in beautiful clothes ... no temperature ... no pulse ... that's all!

MAC:

I'm a brain with no pulse, eh!? I'm a woman, Verney ... more woman than you've ever known! If ever I fall in love, it'll be the sea dashing against rocks, and lightning flashing across the sky, and thunder rolling through the mountains ......

TOM:

I believe you mean it.

MAC:

It's true.

TOM:

Okay then ... come here!

MAC:

Verney! What are you going to do?

TOM:

(LOW) Find out for myself!

SOUND:

KISS (PAUSE) SIGH ... (PAUSE) HEAVY PEAL OF THUNDER

TOM:

Stormy weather ... isn't it?

SOUND:

THUNDER

MUSIC:

(CURTAIN) (APPLAUSE)


SMITH:

How mild can a cigarette be?

BARCLAY:

Try Camels and see just how mild a cigarette can be! Prove to yourself what noted throat specialists reported when hundreds of men and women, from coast to coast, smoked Camels, and only Camels, for thirty days. After weekly examinations of these smokers' throats ... the doctors reported not one single case of throat irritation due to smoking Camels!

SMITH:

Now -- mind you ..these men and women smoked an average of one to two packs of Camels a day -- for thirty days. Yet, in a total of two thousand, four hundred and seventy examinations of these smokers' throats, noted throat specialists reported not one single case of throat irritation due to smoking Camels!

BARCLAY:

That's how mild Camels are!

SMITH:

Make the Camel mildness test in your "T-Zone"-- T for Taste and T for Throat. Let your own "T-Zone" tell you how mild Camels are. If, at any time, you're not convinced that Camels are the mildest...yes, the mildest..cigarette you've ever smoked, return the package with the unused cigarettes to the makers of Camels, and you will receive its full purchase price, plus postage!

Camel Cigarettes now present Act II of "Take A Letter, Darling," starring Rosalind Russell and Fred MacMurray.

ORCH:

PLAY THEME

SMITH:

It's several days after Tom Verney kissed his boss, but instead of firing him, she's entrusted him with the important job of landing the Caldwell Cotton account. And so, Tom's gone down to Atlanta and gone right to work...on Mr. Caldwell's sister. And apparently he's doing his job pretty well. (MUSIC CUTS)

1ST GOSSIP:

(FILTER) What wealthy young cotton heiress is walking on magnolias with what handsome New York publicity exec?

MUSIC:

PINGS

2ND GOSSIP:

(FILTER) Who said that never the North and South shall meet? How about the current flaming romance between Ethel Caldwell and Thomas Verney?

MUSIC:

PINGS

3RD GOSSIP:

(FILTER) Never underrate the power of a Southern moon! It's hands across the Mason-Dixon Line for Ethel Caldwell and Tom Verney. Remember, we told you!

MUSIC:

ACCENTS - AND CONTINUES UNDER:

SMITH:

Which didn't please McGregor at all. Pacing up and down her New York office... (MUSIC CUTS)

MAC:

(FURIOUS) Atwater, can you just imagine that Tom Verney? Four telegrams - three long distance calls - half a dozen registered letters - and not a single word from him!

ATWATER:

Now, Mac, there's no use getting excited. You're doing all right with Ethel's brother. I'll lay three to one that Caldwell asks you to marry him!

MAC:

(SCORNFULLY) That four-time loser!... Atwater, I'm not interested in him! The only one who concerns me is Mr. Tom Verney!

ATWATER:

(DRYLY) Yes...I was sort of getting that idea.

MAC:

From here in, I'll handle this thing myself! I'm going down there and straighten Mr. Verney out!

ATWATER:

(LAUGHS DISBELIEVING)

MAC:

Then I'm going to fire him!

SOUND:

PHONE

ATWATER:

Hello. - Yes, she's here. -- For you, Mac...Caldwell...

MAC:

Tell him I'm out.

ATWATER:

Can't. Told him you were here.

MAC:

Oh, all right. (PAUSE) Hello.

CALDWELL:

(FILTER) Hello, MacGregor. Where can I meet you right away?

MAC:

No place. I'm taking the next train for Atlanta.

CALDWELL:

(FILTER) That's perfect. I'll go with you. And forget about a hotel reservation, because you'll stay with us at Caldwell Acres! I've sure got a lot to say to you.

MAC:

Well, thank you very much. I-- (TAKE) What was that?

CALDWELL:

(FILTER) I'll tell you when I get you on my home ground. (INSINUATING) Think you're gonna like Magnolias and Moonlight?

MAC:

Well, I don't know about magnolias and moonlight. I'm going to pin a rose on someone I know.

CALDWELL:

(FILTER) How's that?

MAC:

Nothing. I'll meet you at the train!

MUSIC:

TRANSITION - WEAVE IN TRAIN EFFECT

TOM:

Hello, Caldwell. So you got back home, huh?

CALDWELL:

Sure did, Verney, sure did.

TOM:

They tell me Mac came down with you. Where is she?

CALDWELL:

Up in her room...pouting. Coming down on the train I found out that she's really jealous of you and my charming sister.

TOM:

(LAUGHS) Oh - that. Doesn't mean a thing.

CALDWELL:

That's what I was afraid of... Say, you're kinda crazy about MacGregor, aren't you?

TOM:

Kinda.

CALDWELL:

Well, let me give you a little tip, Verney. She is just about ready to fall in your arms. IF...

TOM:

What do you mean...IF?

CALDWELL:

If you don't weaken. It isn't enough to just make MacGregor jealous.

TOM:

No? Well, what would you suggest? You've had four wives. You should have learned something about women.

CALDWELL:

Well, now that you know that Mac's jealous, don't let up.

TOM:

Oh, really pour it on her, huh? (LAUGHS)

CALDWELL:

(LAUGHS) That's the idea. Pour it on!

TOM:

(LAUGHS) I get it. Make her think I'm really in love with Ethel.

CALDWELL:

(LAUGHS) Announce your engagement. Make yourself obnoxious.

TOM:

(LAUGHS) Do you think I could?

CALDWELL:

(LAUGHS) Without half trying..just be yourself.

TOM:

Well, thanks. (ROARING) Boy, wait'll I go to work on her! Pour it on!

CALDWELL:

(ROARING) Pour it on! Boy!

MUSIC:

COVERS -- AND FADES OUT INTO:

SOUND:

KNOCK ON DOOR

TOM:

Come in. (DOOR OPENS OFF) Hello.

MAC:

(COMING IN) "Hello," he says sweetly - after ignoring four wires and three telephone calls!

TOM:

I haven't had one moment alone since I got here. (PLEASANTLY) Not that I'm complaining...

MAC:

It doesn't matter that I'm paying your salary and sent you down here on business. (FLARING) Do you think that what you're doing with that Caldwell woman is worth a hundred dollars a week to me?

TOM:

Not so loud. If Ethel finds out you're paying me only a hundred, she'll report you for cruelty to executives.

MAC:

Will you forget your own assumed importance for a moment? What about the ideas I sent down? I see some of these sample layouts haven't even been opened.

TOM:

I showed her the first one you sent and she didn't like it. So I told her it was your idea and we decided to ignore the rest.

MAC:

(FURIOUS) I see! In plain words, you're continuing to draw your salary even though you've decided that you don't need me or the job any longer!

TOM:

The fact is, I need the job so much that I've submitted an idea of my own, just to keep her interested.

MAC:

You? What idea could you possibly have between juleps?

TOM:

Oh, I think now and then. I'm not completely primitive... You see it all started by the swimming pool. Ethel and I were admiring the flowers.

MAC:

Skip the nauseating parts.

TOM:

Then I discovered that despite her high intelligence, she didn't know colors...Brown from ochre...

MAC:

Or bilious blue from revolting red. It sounds very exciting.

TOM:

So I started explaining about colors, and I made up a layout that-- (PHONE RINGS) Excuse me. (RECEIVER UP) Hello?...Oh yes, honey...Why of course, honey... Certainly, honey...Sure, you bet, honey. I'll be right down. (RECEIVER DOWN) That was--

MAC:

I know. Honey... (ACID) Miss Caldwell, I presume?

TOM:

Yes, she's waiting for me downstairs. You'll excuse me, I hope?

MAC:

With pleasure! There are some things I can't stand - and one of them is the sight of an overgrown man drooling on his bib.

TOM:

(SWEETLY) Good afternoon, boss. You have fun, too.

MUSIC:

ACCENTS AND FADES OUT INTO

TOM:

(LAUGHS) Yeah, a man could never be fooled by a routine like this.

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

CALDWELL:

McGregor, I don't know why you should spend so much time worrying about Verney. He's enjoying himself somewhere with Ethel.

MAC:

I'm NOT worrying about Verney, I'm worrying about the Caldwell cotton account!

CALDWELL:

Well, you certainly don't need to worry about that.

MAC:

Why not?

CALDWELL:

When Verney marries Ethel, he'll control the account.

MAC:

When Verney marries Ethel? Who said he was going to marry Ethel?

CALDWELL:

Why.....Verney told me so himself.

MAC:

When?

CALDWELL:

This afternoon..when you were up in your room resting. He said..he hoped you wouldn't be jealous enough to do anything foolish, but he had to look out for himself.

MAC:

Verney said that?

CALDWELL:

Those were his exact words.

MAC:

Why, that ego-maniac! Why should I be jealous of him? Why should I care what he does?

CALDWELL:

That's exactly what I told him, Mac.

MAC:

Verney doesn't mean anything to me. He was just my stooge, and not a very good stooge, at that. I hope I never see him again. I'll tell him so, too!

CALDWELL:

He'll just laugh and tell you not to be jealous!

MAC:

Jealous? Me, jealous of Tom Verney? I'll prove to him that I'm not jealous.

CALDWELL:

That's a great idea....if you can do it.

MAC:

I certainly can! Do you still want to marry me?

CALDWELL:

I do.

MAC:

Then I do!

CALDWELL:

Do what?

MAC:

I accept.

CALDWELL:

Darling....

MAC:

Goodnight!

SOUND:

DOOR SLAMS

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

SOUND:

HEAVY, INSISTENT KNOCKING ON DOOR

MAC:

(OFF) Who is it?

TOM:

Me....Tom.

MAC:

(OFF) Go away.

TOM:

But, I have something important to talk over with you.

MAC:

(OFF) Well, I don't have anything to discuss with you.

TOM:

Oh, yes, you do.

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

TOM:

Caldwell just told me that you had agreed to marry him.

MAC:

Well, why shouldn't I?

TOM:

Being jealous of me couldn't have driven you that far!

MAC:

Jealous of you! Just because you're marrying Ethel?

TOM:

I'm not marrying Ethel!

MAC:

You are!

TOM:

I am not! You sent me down here on business and I've done everything you asked me to do.

MAC:

I didn't ask you to marry Ethel!

TOM:

Neither did Ethel. Ethel's only interest in me was in getting a good publicity campaign.

MAC:

Well.....you got it for her. Your pictures have been in every gossip column in the country.

TOM:

They have not. Hedda Hopper's mad at me. Anyway, I'm talking business. Tonight, Ethel okayed the campaign layouts and signed the contract. Here it is.

SOUND:

RATTLE OF PAPER

MAC:

Thanks.

TOM:

I've just earned that ten thousand dollar bonus you promised me for landing this deal, and I'm quitting...effective as of right now!

MAC:

Quitting? Where are you going?

TOM:

To Mexico.....in a trailer.

MAC:

But you can't leave me now.

TOM:

Can't I? Well, don't let my dust get in your eyes.

MAC:

Are you going alone?

TOM:

Certainly I'm going alone.

MAC:

Oh.

TOM:

Just to show you how stupid a man can be, I'll tell you something....I honestly believed, once, that you'd be making this trip with me. Me painting.....you writing your poetry.

MAC:

Do you mean that?

TOM:

Mean it? It was so real that you stubbed your toe while I was taking you through the Aztec ruins.

MAC:

I did?

TOM:

Yes, and I bawled you out for wearing open-toed shoes!

MAC:

You did?

TOM:

Yes. I was a fine chump! You don't love Caldwell.

MAC:

Of course I don't love Caldwell!

TOM:

You don't love anything but yourself.....and money. Well, you're going to have more money than you ever dreamed of .......Mrs. Caldwell the Fifth! You've planned your life with cold-blooded perfection and accomplished everything you set out to do. You're a fine, money-grubbing machine!

MAC:

So that's all you think of me?

TOM:

That's all I think of you. As I told you once before, you're a beautiful brain in beautiful clothes....no temperature....no pulse....that's all!

MAC:

Is that so? Well, as long as we're reminiscing, I gave you the answer to that one before, too. I told you then..I'm more woman than you've ever known! (TOM SNORTS) It's true! If I weren't, I wouldn't have lost my head and told Caldwell I'd marry him.... just to spite you.

TOM:

WHAT?

MAC:

I told you that love could only happen to me once.... and you were that "once." (PAUSE..CALMLY) I've always known that if I ever fell in love, it would be the sea dashing against rocks.

TOM:

....lightning flashing across the sky, and thunder rolling through the mountains.

MAC:

Well?

TOM:

Well, what?

MAC:

That's your cue. (COAXING) Come on, Tom....turn on the thunder and lightning..will you?

TOM:

Will I!! (TO HEAVEN) Hey.... Jupiter!! Here we go! Both faucets, please!........With sound effects!

SOUND:

BIG THUNDER ROLL . . STORM EFFECTS

MUSIC:

CURTAIN



SMITH:

Our stars Fred MacMurray and Rosalind Russell will return to the microphone in just a moment---

If you'd like to know how mild a cigarette can be, make the Camel mildness test.

BARCLAY:

Prove to yourself what noted throat specialists reported after examining the throats of hundreds of smokers from coast to coast who made the Camel mildness test. In this test, men and women of all ages smoked Camels, and only Camels, for thirty days...an average of one to two packs a day. After examining the throats of these smokers, the doctors reported not one single case of throat irritation due to smoking Camels!

SMITH:

Camels are so-o-o-o mild...so rich and full-flavored, too! Camel's choice tobaccos are properly aged and expertly blended to bring you the utmost in smoking enjoyment. Make your own Camel mildness test. And when you buy Camels, remember...Camels by the carton are the best buy!

MUSIC:

TAG

SMITH:

And now, it's front and center for our two popular stars--and a well-deserved bow for their delightful performances...Roz and Fred, you both did yourselves proud.

MACMURRAY:

Well I guess that's the right word all right--proud--because that's the way we feel about the Screen Guild Players. The proceeds from this show support the Motion Picture Relief Fund and its Country House and Hospital--and it's a privilege for anyone in Hollywood to share that work...Roz, can I presume to speak for you, too?

RUSSELL:

Nonsense, Fred. You know a woman always speaks for herself. And all I want to say is a good word for the makers of Camel Cigarettes....For years they've been sending free smokes to different hospitals every week. This week among other hospitals, Camels are being sent to: U. S. Army Oliver General Hospital, Augusta, Georgia....U.S. Marine Hospital, San Francisco, California ....Veteran's Hospital, Sunmount, New York. That makes a total of more than one hundred and eighty million cigarettes that the Camel people have sent to servicemen and veterans! Happy smoking, fellows. Your free Camels are on their way to you now!

MUSIC:

SHOW THEME

SMITH:

The Screen Guild Players are directed by Bill Lawrence. The adaptations are by Harry Kronman. Remember, Thursday night is Screen Guild Night. And next week--one of the most talked about stories of the year! A great Broadway hit--a smashing screen success! Universal-International's package of dramatic dynamite, "All My Sons," starring Edward G. Robinson, Burt Lancaster and Ona Munson! Be sure to listen! "Take a Letter Darling" was presented through the courtesy of Paramount Pictures, whose current release is "Sealed Verdict."

Rosalind Russell is currently starring in the Independent Artists production, "The Velvet Touch."

Fred MacMurray can now be seen in the James Nasser production, "Innocent Affair."

For fun and hilarity, don't miss Camel cigarettes other great show over these same stations! Tomorrow night--the Jimmy Durante Show, with Alan Young!

And remember--Thursday night is Screen Guild Night--the greatest stars and the greatest stories, brought to you by Camel Cigarettes!

This is Verne Smith speaking.

THIS IS N.B.C.... THE NATIONAL BROADCASTING COMPANY