Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: The Witch's Tale
Show: The Haunted Crossroads
Date: Oct 17 1932

Transcribed by Kevin Rimney March 2009 - www.kevrimney.com

SFX:

Wind/Church Bell Tolls and stops. Wind cont--

ANNOUNCER:

The Witch's Tale!

MUSIC:

Theme

ANNOUNCER:The fascination of the eerie, weird, blood chilling tales told by Old Nancy, the witch of Salem and Satan her wise black cat. They are waiting, waiting for you, now.

MUSIC:

Theme

SFX:

Wind

OLD NANCY:

Hehehehe. A hundred an twenty two year old I be today. Yes sir. Hundred an twenty two. Well Satan, tell everyone to douse their lights. ( meows) We want lots of darkness when we tell our bedtime stories. Hehehe. Draw up to the fire and gaze into the embers, gaze into 'em deep and soon by the light of the moon and the stars you'll see a barren stretch of land where two roads meet in Old Massachusetts. Three policemen stand a talking there beside their motorcycle bikes and soon you'll hear the story of the Haunted Crossroads. Hehehehe. The Haunted Crossroads. (Cat screech and cackling)

PAT MCGEE:

Sure you're not scared to have us leave you here alone Tom?

GENE HARDY:

Of course he's scared Sgt. look at his knees shaking.

TOM FALLON:

I'll probably yell for help the minute you guys are out of my sight.

PAT MCGEE:

Sure Gene, I don't think he is properly frightened.

GENE HARDY:

Haha, I guess not. Well if he sees any spooks he can't say we haven't warn him.

PAT MCGEE:

Seriously boy, you'll keep your eyes peeled for other things than ghosts on this patrol.

TOM FALLON:

You bet I will uncle Pat. I hope its my luck to have the skunk who knocked off Smith and Barkley here start something with me.

GENE HARDY:

Well I hardly think that will happen. Those killings weren't done by the same man.

TOM FALLON:

They were both stabbed in the back the same way.

GENE HARDY:

That doesn't prove anything. Several fellows were stabbed to death here right after the civil war. Then another about twenty years ago according to our records. It wasn't the same murderer who got them and the two cops from our troops.

TOM FALLON:

Well unless you believe the crazy stories about this place being haunted.

PAT MCGEE:

Well I got to be riding off to troop headquarters or Capt Dalton will be skinning the hide of me. And you Gene Hardy had best be getting on your patrol.

GENE HARDY:

I'll get the old bike moving. And when you get home in the morning Tom remind your sister she's got a movie date with me tomorrow night.

TOM FALLON:

Kathleen is not apt to forget any date she has with you.

PAT MCGEE:

Trooper Hardy, your job at the moment is to keep your eyes peeled for speeders and reckless drivers.

GENE HARDY:

Hahaha. Well I'll try to remember that Sarg.

SFX:

motorcycle engine starts and cont--

GENE HARDY:

Well Goodnight.

TOM FALLON:

Goodnight Gene.

PAT MCGEE:

Goodnight boys.

SFX - Motorcycles engine rev and then fades down road

GENE HARDY:

(singing) Kathleen Oh Morning da dee dee dee da die dee

TOM FALLON:

(from a distance) Uncle Pat!

GENE HARDY:

What's the?

TOM FALLON:

(from a distance) Help!

GENE HARDY:

Tom!

SFX:

Tire squeal and engine rev.

GENE HARDY:

I'm coming back kid. Coming back!

PAT MCGEE:

(from distance) Gene, Gene!

GENE HARDY:

I'm coming Sarg.

PAT MCGEE:

(from a closer distance) It's Tom, oh merciful God!

GENE HARDY:

Sarge, what is it? What has happened?

PAT MCGEE:

Come quick!

GENE HARDY:

I'm here? What happened?

SFX:

tires squeal and engine STOP.

GENE HARDY:

Tom?

PAT MCGEE:

Yes, he's dead, he's--

GENE HARDY:

He can't be dead. We just left him.

PAT MCGEE:

I started right after you rode away then I heard him yelling. Oh merciful god I raised that boy. He was like my own son.

GENE HARDY:

He's been stabbed in the back, just as Smith was stabbed a week ago and Barkley.

PAT MCGEE:

Here, here at these same rotten crossroads.

GENE HARDY:

Now pull yourself together Sarg. You know what I thought of Tom but we're cops. Listen, you were back here before I was, you must have saw something.

PAT MCGEE:

I saw no more than you see now. Who ever did it got away, (sobbing) they got away.

GENE HARDY:

Take it easy. Take it easy. Tom wasn't alone here more than a minute. No one could have gotten to him across these open fields and then away again in the time I left and came back. Yet I saw no one but him and you.

SFX:

A Cackling woman's laughter.

GENE HARDY:

What was that?

PAT MCGEE:

A woman's laugh. A woman's laugh. You hear it too?

GENE HARDY:

It sounded here, beside me.

PAT MCGEE:

Right here beside us, at me very elbow.

GENE HARDY:

Yet no one's here, that we can see.

SFX:

A Cackling woman's laughter.

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

GEORGE ELDON:

An invisible woman. That's the craziest part of your whole crazy story.

GENE HARDY:

But we did hear it Capt Eldon.

PAT MCGEE:

It's true so help me.

GEORGE ELDON:

But there wasn't any woman by your own confession. You said you searched and couldn't find her.

GENE HARDY:

We searched everywhere around Sir but there is no place for anyone to hide.

GEORGE ELDON:

And like the hicks around here you come to the conclusion those old crossroads are haunted. A female ghost stabbed Tom Fallon with a very ungodly steel knife I suppose which she carried away with her because you couldn't find it either. That's a fine way for two policemen to explain a murder.

GENE HARDY:

We're only telling you what really happened

GEORGE ELDON:

But it couldn't have happened!

GENE HARDY:

Just the same it did. Now look here sir. Tom Fallon was my closest friend. I'm engaged to marry his sister. Sergeant McGee here is his uncle. You don't think we'd lie to you while Tom's dead body lies out there in the squad room.

PAT MCGEE:

He was like my own son.

GEORGE ELDON:

Ah, here Sergeant Pat, sit down. I'm sorry I have to pound at you like this but Tom is the second of the troop to be killed inside a week. At the same place, in the same way! And last year we found Barkley dead there. Three policemen stabbed to death and we haven't a single lead to the rat who did it.

GENE HARDY:

You think the same person killed them all sir?

GEORGE ELDON:

Yes and that person is a man. Not a laughing invisible woman. A man with strength enough to kill in a single blow. Hardy, you say Fallon wasn't out of your sight more than a few minutes before you heard him scream.

GENE HARDY:

I had only passed the first turn South of the crossroads, a minute and half at most.

GEORGE ELDON:

And you got back to him in about half that time. How about you Sgt. McGee?

PAT MCGEE:

I, I left Tom right after troop Hardy rode away sir and headed North.

GEORGE ELDON:

And neither of you saw any vehicle approaching from the East or West and you nor passed any.

GENE HARDY:

No Sir.

PAT MCGEE:

There was no traffic at all.

GEORGE ELDON:

Then in the seventy or eighty seconds that Fallon was alone, someone ran across that completely open space, drove a knife in Tom Fallon's back and then ran away again.

GENE HARDY:

It's crazy but that's the way it must have happened.

PAT MCGEE:

It's the only way it could have happened.

GEORGE ELDON:

It didn't happen. It's impossible. The world's greatest sprinter couldn't have covered the necessary distance in that sort of time. And any man must make a little noise, yet Fallon heard saw and heard nothing until a knife was in his back. You're lying to me, both of you! By the Lord, if I didn't know how close you were to the boy I'd say you bumped him off yourselves.

GENE HARDY:

Captain Eldon!

PAT MCGEE:

Don't say that. Don't!

GEORGE ELDON:

Aye, I'm sorry,I don't mean that of course. But unless you fellows change your story the coroner's jury is going to ask some mighty embarrassing questions. You've established yourselves as the only persons in the vicinity who could have come close enough to Fallon.

GENE HARDY:

No one is going to think we had anything to do with this when they recollect the other killings at the crossroads. Even if they won't believe we heard that woman laugh. You've forgotten Captain that Tom is the third to die out there, by the same man's hand you say. Last week when Smith was killed, Sgt McGee and I were on duty with you in this station from the time Smith left here until the time his body were found. And when Barkley got his a year ago--

PAT MCGEE:

George, you and I were up in were up in Maine doing some fishing, don't you remember, and Gene here.

GENE HARDY:

And I was serving as motorcycle escort for the governor. No one will question that alibi.

GEORGE ELDON:

Eh, you're right. But if you've told me the truth about tonight, then what is the answer? I didn't have to listen about another yarn about Smith and Barkley's murders. No one was near them when it happened. They had been dead for hours when they were found.

(Pause)

 

Excuse me boys, the things I've said. If I don't find someone to pin these stabbings on pretty soon I'll be believing those damn crossroads are haunted. That's all.

SFX:

Knock at door

GEORGE ELDON:

Just a minute. Come!

SFX:

door opens

STATE TROOPER:

We've found Miss Fallon.

GEORGE ELDON:

Bring her in.

STATE TROOPER:

Yes sir.

SFX:

door closes

GENE HARDY:

Does she know her brother is--

GEORGE ELDON:

No, I telephoned her to come down here, that's all. You'd better break the news Pat. You're her uncle.

PAT MCGEE:

No, no not me. I can't even see her now. Let me out this other door before she--

SFX:

door opens

KATHLEEN:

Captain Eldon, why did you telephone me to come done here? (Pause) Gene, uncle Pat, why are you here? What's wrong?

PAT MCGEE:

Let me out of here. Let me out.

KATHLEEN:

Uncle Pat. It's Tom. Something happened to Tom.

PAT MCGEE:

Don't look at me. I don't know anything about it.

GENE HARDY:

Kathleen dear.

GEORGE ELDON:

Miss Fallon.

KATHLEEN:

Tom was posted at the crossroads tonight. He's been killed there like the others.

GEORGE ELDON:

Yes. You're brother is--

KATHLEEN:

Tom, oh Tom. (Sobbing)

GENE HARDY:

Kathleen dear.

PAT MCGEE:

Let me out of here. Let me out.

GEORGE ELDON:

Oh Pat.

PAT MCGEE:

I can't bear to hear her cry like that. I can't bear to have her eyes upon me. She has eyes like Tom and they accuse me. They accuse me!

GEORGE ELDON:

Accuse?

PAT MCGEE:

Before God I swear I didn't mean to kill him.

GENE HARDY:

What?

GEORGE ELDON:

You?

PAT MCGEE:

Yes, I killed him. I didn't tell you the truth. I never left him at his post. I killed him cause something from the blackest hell got into me. I stabbed the knife into his back and I couldn't help myself. I was made to do it! Made to do it! Now I pay for what I've done.

GENE HARDY:

Don't let him get his gun.

SFX:

Gunshot

KATHLEEN:

Gasps

GENE HARDY:

He shot himself!

KATHLEEN:

Uncle Pat!

GEORGE ELDON:

He's dead. Tom Fallon's murderer has just killed himself.

KATHLEEN:

He stabbed my brother. Oh no, no, he couldn't have!

GEORGE ELDON:

You heard what he said Miss Fallon.

GENE HARDY:

But who killed Smith and Barkley? McGee couldn't have done that.

GEORGE ELDON:

Why did he say he couldn't help himself. That he was made to kill his nephew.

GENE HARDY:

And what was the meaning of that woman's laugh I heard?

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

SFX:

Car idling.

GENE HARDY:

You in the car, drive on, no stopping here.

KATHLEEN:

It's only me Gene

GENE HARDY:

Kathleen.

KATHLEEN:

You can put away your gun but I'm glad to know you're being careful.

GENE HARDY:

Why drive way out here at this hour honey?

KATHLEEN:

I couldn't sleep knowing you were posted all alone at these crossroads tonight.

GENE HARDY:

Dear I told you not to worry. A troop has been posted alone here for three weeks now, ever since poor Tom was killed and nothing's happened.

KATHLEEN:

You think there is no danger here anymore, now that Uncle Pat is dead.

GENE HARDY:

Look, you mustn't start thinking about him now.

KATHLEEN:

It's rather difficult not to think about him. I will never understand--

GENE HARDY:

He was out of his mind; it's the only explanation.

KATHLEEN:

But what drove him out of his mind? What could have made him destroy someone he loved, as we know he loved Tom. And he said he was made to do it.

GENE HARDY:

(sighs) I don't know.

KATHLEEN:

Gene you're all I have left. If anything should happen to you now--

GENE HARDY:

Now nothing is going to hurt to me dear. Come on. Get a hold of yourself sweetheart.

KATHLEEN:

But uncle Pat didn't have anything to do with the other deaths here. He was miles away when Smith and Barkley were stabbed. Gene, maybe this place is haunted.

GENE HARDY:

(chuckles) You don't believe that stuff anymore than I do. You're just all upset. Now here, I'm going to disobey all orders of the State police and join you in this car for a little roadside parking.

KATHLEEN:

No, no. Don't get in, I'd rather get out and walk a bit. I've never been out here you know, at night I mean.

GENE HARDY:

Yeah and you shouldn't be out here now. Fine thing, driving this deserted old road at midnight. Have you got that little gun I gave you?

KATHLEEN:

Oh yes. I always carry it when I drive alone.

GENE HARDY:

Oh that's good. Well come on then if you want to walk. (sigh)

KATHLEEN:

Gene, exactly where did you find Tom's body? Uncle Pat kneeling beside it.

GENE HARDY:

We're not going to talk anymore about that.

KATHLEEN:

(sigh) All right. Really wouldn't do me any good to know. Such a gloomy spot here, no cars passing, no road lamps.

GENE HARDY:

These are just old county roads. No state trooper had to patrol here regularly until..

KATHLEEN:

Until after Frank Barkley was found stabbed here.

GENE HARDY:

Oh Kathleen.

KATHLEEN:

I want to talk about it Gene. I Loved uncle Pat. He was a good man, not a killer or a maniac and I've got to find out what made him do the thing he did. Find out what made him say he couldn't help himself.

(pause)

 

KATHLEEN:

Uncle Pat was in Maine when Frank Barkley was killed. Tell me about that.

GENE HARDY:

Well all I know is Barkley didn't report on schedule. When they found him he had been dead for several hours.

KATHLEEN:

And then Smith, just a week before Tom.

GENE HARDY:

Like Barkley he had been dead for a long time when found.

KATHLEEN:

But uncle Pat couldn't have done it.

GENE HARDY:

Oh he wasn't out of my sight and neither was Dalton or the others at any time that night.
Well after that Capt Dalton made this a fixed post

KATHLEEN:

I can't understand it

GENE HARDY:

Neither can anyone else

KATHLEEN:

Seventy years ago the papers say a town constable was stabbed here and another constable about the time we were children. That makes five. All police officers.

GENE HARDY:

That's screwy all right but you mustn't think about it anymore dear. Don't worry about me. Look around you there is nothing but open spaces, sand and grass and two level high dirt roads. Why there isn't a bush or a stone big enough for a cat to hide behind little own a man with a knife.

KATHLEEN:

No one could come close to him here except someone who he knew and trusted. As uncle Pat was trusted by Tom. As you trust me.

GENE HARDY:

Hey, that's enough nonsense now. Go home, go to bed and sleep. Keep that little automatic I gave you handy on the way. Night driving is no business for a woman.

KATHLEEN:

I wish you'd let me stay.

GENE HARDY:

Not a chance. You want me to lose my job. That's what happens to cops who entertain ladies during business hours.

KATHLEEN:

But its so gloomy here, so silent and eerie. It looks like a haunted place.

GENE HARDY:

Ho ho bunk. Here, give me a kiss and say goodnight.

KATHLEEN:

Oh Gene. I can't lose you.

GENE HARDY:

You're not going to. Why I'm safer here than being in church

SFX:

A Cackling woman's laughter.

GENE HARDY:

What was that?

KATHLEEN:

A woman laughing.

GENE HARDY:

That's what I heard the other night.

KATHLEEN:

(gasp)Look there

GENE HARDY:

A woman's in the road.

KATHLEEN:

She wasn't there a moment ago, how?

GENE HARDY:

I'll soon find out.

KATHLEEN:

Gene, come back here.

GENE HARDY:

Stay in the car Kathleen. You in the black dress! I want to talk to you!

KATHLEEN:

No don't follow her Gene. Come back.

GENE HARDY:

Wait I tell you whoever you are, don't walk away from me. I'm an officer of the law.

KATHLEEN:

Don't go any closer to her! (gasp) Don't let her touch you Gene. Keep away. She disappeared, vanished as I watched her. Where did she go? Come back. Come back!

GENE HARDY:

(slow speech) I'm coming.

KATHLEEN:

What happened to that woman?

GENE HARDY:

(slow speech) I'm coming.

KATHLEEN:

Gene, what's happened to you?

GENE HARDY:

(slow speech) I've got to do it.

KATHLEEN:

Why are you staring at me like that?

GENE HARDY:

(slow speech) Got to do it. Got to do it!

KATHLEEN:

Why are you opening your pocketknife?

GENE HARDY:

(slow speech) Can't help myself. Can't help myself.

KATHLEEN:

You look as though you didn't know me. As though I'm someone you hate. Gene, I'm Kathleen, you love me.

GENE HARDY:

(slow speech) Kathleen, love.

KATHLEEN:

Don't come any closer. keep away.

GENE HARDY:

(not so slow speech) Kathleen, love. Your gun Kathleen, shoot me before I reach you. Shoot me; it's the only way to stop me. I can't help myself.

KATHLEEN:

No, no!

GENE HARDY:

(not so slow speech) Yes, shoot me or I will kill you with this knife.

KATHLEEN:

No, you're mad.

SFX:

A Cackling woman's laughter.

GENE HARDY:

(not so slow speech) Shoot! Shoot I say before I drive this knife into your back.

KATHLEEN:

Oh may God forgive me; it's the only way.

SFX:

Gunshot.

KATHLEEN:

I've shot you Gene. I've shot you.

SFX:

A Cackling woman's laughter.

KATHLEEN:

She's here beside me, the woman in black. Keep away, keep away! No!

SFX:

A Cackling woman's laughter.

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

GEORGE ELDON:

Come on, Miss Fallon. I want to hear more about this woman who laughed -- this ghost.

KATHLEEN:

Oh please, please don't ask me any question. Go up to that operation room again Capt Eldon, make sure Gene is going to live. I only shot him to stop him.

GEORGE ELDON:

You stopped him alright.

KATHLEEN:

Oh, here's the doctor at last. Oh doctor!

DOCTOR:

That's all right Miss Fallon. We've taken the bullet out of Trooper Hardy's shoulder and he will be up around in just a few days.

KATHLEEN:

Oh thank God, thank God!

DOCTOR:

And also Gene's tough constitution.

GEORGE ELDON:

Now that's off your mind will please tell me exactly what happened at the crossroads tonight.

KATHLEEN:

I'll answer all your questions now.

DOCTOR:

What I've already heard this evening has made me very curious.

GEORGE ELDON:

Sit down Doc. It's your office and your hospital. Go ahead Miss Fallon, lets hear all about that laughing, appearing and disappearing woman.

DOCTOR:

If I were you Captain I'd withhold my judgment a while. Trooper Hardy has been babbling about the phantom woman under the ether. Under ether people don't lie. He's been repeating over and over he couldn't help himself.

KATHLEEN:

He couldn't. Some way, some how she made him want to kill me. But he loved me. That love was stronger than her power. He had time to warn me

GEORGE ELDON:

So you obligingly shot him

KATHLEEN:

Yes

GEORGE ELDON:

And the woman reappeared again?

KATHLEEN:

Right beside me, she laughed. She laughed horribly and then, as I looked at her she just wasn't there.

DOCTOR:

A woman dressed in black you say?

KATHLEEN:

Yes. A dress all folds, it might have been a shroud. Her face was like, like the dead. It was an awful purplish tinge like she'd been strangled. Around her throat was a heavy rope that dangled to the ground. Oh God I will see it till the day I die.

GEORGE ELDON:

I don't believe in ghosts. You just shot one of my troopers! I don't care if you were engaged to marry him. I --

That's enough Captain!

GEORGE ELDON:

That's what?

DOCTOR:

I'm boss inside the walls of this hospital and this girl is in no condition to stand your third degree. Besides, I think she's telling the truth.

GEORGE ELDON:

The truth?

DOCTOR:

Why not? We can't call a thing a lie simply because we don't understand it. Have you any better explanation than we've heard for the tragedy at those old crossroads?

GEORGE ELDON:

You don't think anything supernatural--

DOCTOR:

I think something that has lived beyond the span of ordinary human life is responsible. Remember those almost forgotten tales in the newspapers have searched out? The man who was stabbed there in 1865? The other chap in the early 1900's? One of the reporters told me they've discovered several more crossroad stabbings in the records. A peace officer was killed there in Andrew Jackson's time. And a member of the watch back when Washington was president.

KATHLEEN:

All policemen.

GEORGE ELDON:

By Jove, I hadn't thought of it in that light.

DOCTOR:

And Miss Fallon, you say the phantom woman had a rope around her neck?

KATHLEEN:

Yes, a thick rope with a heavy knot.

GEORGE ELDON:

A hangman's rope and at the crossroads in the early days criminals were hanged and buried.

GEORGE ELDON:

What's that got to do with it?

DOCTOR:

Maybe a lot more than you think. Excuse me captain so I can move that chair aside and get to that bookcase.

GEORGE ELDON:

What?

SFX:

sound of sorting books cont--

DOCTOR:

I want to find something, something I've read and more than half forgotten.

SFX:

sound of sorting books cont--

DOCTOR:

Policeman, officer's of the law , they being the only one's to die at those crossroads where a gallows tree once stood.

SFX:

sound of sorting books Stop

GEORGE ELDON:

Aw, that's a coincidence.

SFX:

sound of sorting books Stop

DOCTOR:

Ah but you must admit a strange coincidence. Ah here's the book, an old history of this county.

GEORGE ELDON:

History?

DOCTOR:

Mmm Uhh. (disgusted/tired sigh with Eldon's dumbness) Here it is, I knew I read it somewhere. Look.

KATHLEEN:

What is it, doctor?

DOCTOR:

I'll read it to you, listen. On that 15th day of August 1721 by order of the kings governor a gibbet of good stout oak had been erected at Berkley crossroads. That's the name of our old place Captain Eldon.

KATHLEEN:

Go on reading.

DOCTOR:

And there the criminal Goody Fairfax was taken; still protesting her innocence of the foul crimes a jury of her peers had found her guilty--. (fades out)

SFX:

loud angry mob. Cont through scene as bg noise, louder on cue for a few moments.

OLD WENCH:

Let her dangle from the rope!

GOODY:

No, no! I swear I'm innocent. The officers have lied!

EXECUTIONER:

Hold on tightly to her bleaker so I can fix this rope around her scrawny neck!

GOODY:

Let me go! Let me go! You cannot kill me!

SHERIFF:

She wriggles like a eel!

MAN IN MOB:

Don't waste no more time.

SFX:

angry mob louder

GOODY:

I have done no murder. Have mercy. I am innocent, I swear!

EXECUTIONER:

Hey, you've had a fair trial old maid and been found guilty. And soon be a crime to be buried in the soil of infamy here beneath this gallows tree.

GOODY:

Nay, nay!

EXECUTIONER:

Aye! So all who pass may spit upon your grave.

MAN IN MOB:

Ah the rope is fast at last

EXECUTIONER:

All is ready my lord sheriff, when you give the word.

SFX:

angry mob louder

EXECUTIONER:

Quiet. Quiet! Let the King's high sheriff speak.

GOODY:

Nay. I who am about to die this unjust death will speak. Hear me ye officers of so called justice who have decreed this fate for me. As I die innocent of crime I vow to return from death a murderer you'd a hanged me for. And ye officers of blind law do visit death on me so I shall visit death on you with no more sense of right or pity. You mean to bury me beneath this gibbet in unhallowed ground, away from god. Whilst I remain away from god, beware. Beware, I warn thee! For not even death will stay my hate. I will return to bring ye death, officers of law!

SFX:

angry mob louder

GOODY:

I shall return to bring you death! I shall return to.. (fades out)

DOCTOR:

And though still screaming her threats of ghostly vengeance the murderous Goody Fairfax was hanged to death. Then the old account goes on, her body was cut down and buried underneath it at Berkley crossroads.

KATHLEEN:

The haunted crossroads.

DOCTOR:

Captain Eldon, weather or not you believe in ghosts it might be a kindly thing if you search for Goody Fairfax's grave. And if you find it place her restless bones in hallowed ground. A kindly thing and a wise thing.

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

GEORGE ELDON:

I haven't got over it yet. There were human bones, a woman's bones buried beneath those crossroads.

KATHLEEN:

I knew you'd find them if you only persisted in the search.

GENE HARDY:

He persisted all right, making us troopers do the digging with me on double shift. Fine way to treat a man a week out of hospital.

KATHLEEN:

And a newly married man. (chuckles)

GEORGE ELDON:

I thought that was a good way for you to earn your sergeant stripes.

GENE HARDY:

Sergeant stripes?

GEORGE ELDON:

Yeah, here's your warrant.

GENE HARDY:

Captain Eldon.

GEORGE ELDON:

I had to make you two crazy ghosts here some sort of a wedding present. And this didn't cost me anything.

KATHLEEN:

Oh, how can we ever thank you?

GEORGE ELDON:

Be happy. And Kathleen, let that first shot at your husband be your last.

Group laugh.

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

NANCY:

Hehehehe. (meows) Well that's the end of that one Satan. Hehehe. You folks come -- Come see me again on my birthday. We'll have another cheerful yarn to spin ye. Hehehehe (cat screech)

MUSIC:

THEME