Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Easy Aces
Show: Jane Serves on a Jury
Date: circa 1940s

Courtesy of Ted Meland

MUSIC:

Manhattan Serenade

Announcer:

Ladies and gentlemen, Easy Aces.

Music:

Music out

Ace:

The Constitution of the United States says that every man is entitled to a trial by a jury of his peers. Peers. Funk and Wagnalls, in their latest best seller entitled Dictionary, have this definition of Peer.

Wagnalls:

A peer is a person of equal intellect, knowledge, understanding and intelligence.

Ace:

Thank you, Mr. Funk.

Wagnalls:

I'm Wagnalls.

Ace:

Oh, sorry. Equal intellect ? intelligence. Now with that definition in mind it becomes quite obvious they selected Jane alphabetically. But don't get the wrong idea: as a housewife Jane has no equal. She's a human dynamo.

Jane:

As a housewife, I have no equal. I'm a human domino.

Ace:

I should know. After all, she is my lawful wedded wife.

Jane:

He should know. After all I am his awful wedded wife.

Ace:

But she's never seen the inside of a courtroom.

Jane:

I saw the movie The Paradine Case three times.

Ace:

The summons for jury duty arrived as we were having breakfast, and Jane of course was quite excited about it.

Jane:

But dear, I didn't do it. I'm not guilty. I've got an alibi. Who saw me? I only hit the gum machine once ? nothing came out ? I couldn't get my penny back.

Ace:

Gum machine ? what are you talk...

Jane:

How long can they give me? Will you come up to visit me?

Ace:

Jane, will you stop ? this is only a summons to serve on a jury ? somebody else is on trial. Not you.

Jane:

You sure? This has nothing to do with...

Ace:

Oh sit down and stop worrying. Fine juror you're gonna make.

Jane:

How did they happen to think of me? I never jured before. What do I have to do?

Ace:

All you have to do is sit in a jury box and listen to the evidence. It says a petit jury ? that's a civil case, somebody probably suing somebody for money and you have to decide whether he gets the money or not. And oh yes, a juror gets paid three dollars a day.

Jane:

I do? Oh well, then, I'll say he's not guilty.

Ace:

Who's not guilty?

Jane:

Well, whoever it is ? after all if he's nice enough to pay me three dollars a day to be his jury, the least I can do is recuperate and say he didn't break the gum machine, doesn't it to you?

Ace:

Jane, you don't even know what the case is about. You can't make up your mind in advance. You have to be unbiased.

Jane:

Un ? what?

Ace:

Unbiased. Means you gotta have an open mind.

Ace:

Oh well, I've got an open mind.

Ace:

Yes, they need you like a hole in a head.

SFX:

Door buzzer

Jane:

That must be Paul.

Ace:

I need him that way, too.

Jane:

I'll let him in, dear.
Ace: While Jane goes to let in her brother Paul Sherwood, I oughta tell you something about him. Paul is now in the construction business. Right now he's overseeing a big project at 45th and First Avenue, the new United Nations Building. His office is the third peephole from the left overlooking the steam shovel. Another thing he overlooks is getting a job. He thinks working for a living is for peasants. He hopes to make his fortune with one stroke of his genius. He spends most of his time playing cards.

Paul:

I spend most of my time playing cards.

Ace:

That's why he's never reached the pinnacle of success.

Paul:

I'm a success at pinochle.

Ace:

OK, now you've met him, you can have him. Jane's opening the door to let him in.

SFX:

Door opens

Paul:

Good morning, sis. How are you?

SFX:

Door closes

Jane:

Paul, the most exciting thing. I just got a summons for ? oh, I'm fine.

Paul:

Hi ya brother. Don't get up.

Ace:

Who's getting up?

Paul:

I just happened to be passing on my way down to...

Ace:

Oh no ? not that routine again. Paul, we know you always happen to be passing at breakfast time. Just sit down and eat.

Paul:

Thanks.

Jane:

Paul, what do you think? I'm gonna jure.

Paul:

You're what? Make that a large orange juice, will ya, Jane? Gotta a big day ahead of me.

Ace:

Big day. What's going on today? Blasting?
Paul: Oh we're through blasting.

Ace:

I'm glad.

Paul:

But the excavating's been held up by the mud ? we couldn't get the trucks in and out.

Ace:

We couldn't?

Paul:

Had a lot of excitement around there the past week ? there was a truck pulling out...

Jane:

Paul, don't you wanta hear about my juring?

Paul:

Oh yes, sis ? what's up?

Jane:

I'm gonna be on a jury. Somebody's suing somebody for some money in the gum machine, and I have to decide how much money he gets or not. But I have to be on a bias.

Ace:

Isn't that awful?

Jane:

Oh I don't think so, dear. Three dollars a day is not to be sneezed.

Paul:

Three bucks a day. Can this big, rich city afford that? Pass the eggs, Jane.

Jane:

Help yourself, Paul.

Paul:

Three measly dollars a day. So you're on a jury two weeks and wind up with a measly thirty dollars. That kills me.

Ace:

Paul, have you got change for a quarter?

Paul:

Change? No, I don't think I...

Ace:

Never mind. I gotta get going, Jane. I'll call you.

Jane:

Yes, you call me. I'll let you know how I'm doing. Call me at the courthouse about noon.

Ace:

Oh sure ? the judge'll run down to the candy store and take a message.

Music bridge
Ace: Well, Jane weighed in on the scales of justice at 105, wearing purple trunks and off-the-face hat. In the other corner, in the black robe, her very capable opponent, the judge, at 178 ? that's blood pressure. The first day's court procedure went something like this:

SFX:

(Echo on) Gavel (echo off)

Judge:

The bailiff will call the next name. Let's impanel this jury and get on with the case. How many more do we need, clerk?

Clerk:

One more, your honor.

Judge:

Call the next name.

Clerk:

Mr. Witley, step into the jury box, please.

Witley:

(Off) Yes, sir.

SFX:

Footsteps

Judge:

Mr. Brown, as counsel for the plaintiff, question this last one briefly, please?

Brown:

I'll try, your ho nor. Mr. Witley, is that your name?

Witley:

That's me.

Brown:

You are acquainted with the nature of this case by now, I presume.

Witley:

Yes sire. Automobile accident.

Brown:

That's right. My client is suing the trucking company for damages resulting from a truck backing into his automobile. Now, Mr. Witley, is there any reason you can not give a fair decision in this trial?

Witley:

I should say I can give a fair decision. I've been waiting for a chance like this. Two years ago one them trucks backed into me ? and I didn't collect a cent. Now I've got a chance to...

Brown:

You're excused.

Witley:

What?

Brown:

I say you're excused, you won't do.

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

Step down, Mr. Witley. Clerk, call the next name.

Clerk:

Mrs. Jane Ace, please.

SFX:

Footsteps

Jane:

Well, finally. It's about time you got to me. I get up at the crank of dawn and I have to sit around...

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

Stop that muttering. Step into the jury box.

Clerk:

Seat twelve, Mrs. Ace.

Jane:

Oh, right on the aisle.

Brown:

Mrs. Ace ? is that your name?

Jane:

I do.

Brown:

What?

Jane:

I said I do.

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

You do what? Put your hand down.

Jane:

Well, don't you have to hold up your right hand and...

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

I said put your hand down. And sit down.

Jane:

Yes sir.

Brown:

Mrs. Ace, I'm Mr. Brown, counsel for the plaintiff. Is there any reason you cannot give a fair decision in this trial?
Jane: Oh no, Mr, Brown.

Brown:

Good, Now...

Jane:

What's the trial about?

Brown:

What?

Jane:

I was sitting so far back there I couldn't see exactly what was...

Brown:

This is an action involving damages in a collision between a truck backing out of a passageway and crashing into the plaintiff's car.

Jane:

My goodness. Was he hurt?

Brown:

Was he hur ? well he's suing for ten thousand dollars damages.

Jane:

Ten thousand dol ? what kind of a car was it, Mr. Brown?

Brown:

It wasn't the car so much ? the plaintiff was seriously...

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

We'll discuss the details in the course of the trial. Get to the point.

Brown:

Mrs Ace, have you ever been in an automobile accident?

Jane:

Oh no ? knock on wood.

SFX:

Knocks on wood

Brown:

That's good enough for me. If the court please, the jury is satisfactory to me.

Judge:

Good. It's about time. Is the jury satisfactory to counsel for the defendant?

Baker:

Yes, it is, your honor.

Judge:

You are Miss Baker, aren't you?

Baker:

Yes, your honor. I represent the defendant. The jury is satisfactory to me.

Judge:

Very well.

SFX:

Finger snapping

Judge:

We will proceed with the case. Counsel for the ? counsel for the ? will juror number twelve kindly lower her hand and stop snapping her fingers at the court.

Jane:

But judge, I wanted to ask you something. I'm expecting a phone call from my husband. So if he calls...

Judge:

Phone call!

Jane:

Yes, he said he'd call me here to find out how I made out. So if it comes, will you call me? I'll be siting right here in seat twelve.

Judge:

Mrs. ? uh ? what is your name?

Jane:

Mrs. Ace. My husband is Mr. Ace.

Judge:

Mrs. Ace, the court will not permit you to receive personal communications interfering with the orderly conduct of this trial. The court will not tolerate any such action.

Jane:

Well, you're the judge here, couldn't you as the court to call me to the...

Judge:

I am the court!

Jane:

You're the court?

Judge:

I am.

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

Sit down.

Jane:

I thought this room was the court. In The Paradine Case, which I saw three times...

Judge:

Did you hear me tell you to sit down?

Jane:

But if a person can't get a call...

Judge:

Mrs. Ace, do you realize there is a ten=thousand-dollar law action about to take place here?

Jane:

Yes, but I told my husband to call me up when...

Baker:

If it please the court...
Judge: What is it, Miss Baker?

Baker:

Your honor, if this juror is going to sit through this trial, her mind occupied with the ringing of a phone bell...

Judge:

There will be no phone bells in this courtroom.

Jane:

But judge...

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

Sit down! (Aside) Will I call her to the phone. (Aloud) This is a court of law. I've been on the bench for thirty-five years, and I've never heard of such a request. It's either insolence or downright ignorance. And before you're finished in this courtroom, Mrs. Ace, you will have at least absorbed some of the decorum congruous to judicial dignity.

Jane:

How was that again?

Brown:

Your honor, as counsel for the plaintiff I would like to open my case.

Judge:

Oh, you would!

Baker:

Your honor, I ask for a recess. The defendant is trying to locate a surprise witness.

Judge:

Telephone calls ? surprise witnesses ? you people see too many movies. The court is in no mood to hear this case now. But before adjourning for the day, I wish to instruct the jury not to discuss this case among themselves or by telephone. I mean among themselves or with anyone else. The jury will phone me tomorrow ? that is, the jury will report tomorrow morning at ten o'clock, and I expect every juror to be in the phone booth ready to ? I mean in the jury bo ? oh, what's the use?

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

Court is adjourned.
Music bridge

Ace:

Well, that was Jane's first day in court. Another day, another three dollars.

SFX:

Cash register


Ace:

Thank you, Mr. Mayor. That night after dinner at home, I tried to get Jane to give me all the dope on the case. But the dope on the case had another problem she was wrestling with:

Jane:

Three dollars a day times two hundred and eighty days to Christmas. That would be...

Ace:

Jane, you don't think the trial is going to last to Christmas, do you?

Jane:

It might, the way that judge picks on everything that comes up.

Ace:

For instance?

Jane:

Yes. Three times 280 is...

Ace:

That's going to come to a lot of money, Jane.

Jane:

It's nothing compared to what she's gonna get. She's suing for ten thousand dollars in an automobile accident.

Jane:

Who's she?

Jane:

Miss Baker, I think her name is. She doesn't seem to have been hurt very much. She's very attractive ? tall, dark, no nail polish. But I'm disappointed, dear.

Ace:

In what?

Jane:

I thought it would be a more exciting case. A murder or at least something interesting. Who cares about a truck? They said something about a surprise witness tomorrow. I hope that makes it more exciting.

Ace:

Oh a truck driver is the defendant? And Miss Baker is the plaintiff?


Jane:

Uh, yes, one of those. It's kinda mixed up. And that judge, he's all over the place. If it isn't one thing, it's me.

Ace:

You?

Jane:

Oh, all right, it's I. Fine time to pick on my grammar. Let me see, three dollars a day times two hundred and eighty days to Christmas...

Ace:

Jane, I still don't quite get the case. This Miss Baker was driving her car and a truck ran into her? Who's her lawyer?

Jane:

Mr. Brown, I think.

Ace:

You think?

Jane:

Dear, I told you it's all kinda mixed up. And I've got to figure out how much profit I'm gonna make. And besides the judge told us not to talk about the case to anybody or on the phone.

Ace:

What's that?

Jane:

Look, dear, if you wanta know more about it, come down to the court and watch me jure.

Ace:

I might just do that.

Jane:

They have a studio audience. But don't ask the judge for any phone calls.

Ace:

Phone calls?

Jane:

I did. He blew up higher than a hall.

Ace:

Jane, you mean you asked the...

Jane:

Dar, please, while I'm on this jury, I can't talk. Just be good enough to say "Hello, Jane," and that's all.

Ace:

Just, Hello Jane.

Jane:

Just those three words ? Hell-o Jane.

Music bridge

Ace:

The next morning before I left the house, Jane made me promise to come down to watch, and I left he with three words, Bon Jure, Jane. She picked up a free ride downtown that morning from our next door neighbor, Ken Roberts. He's the radio announcer. As Ken was getting into his car he saw Jane leaving the house for court. A least I thought it was for court. I didn't know a new complication had set in.

Ken:

Hey, Jane, what have you been doing?

Jane:

Just fine, Ken?

Ken:

Well, how are you?

Jane:

I've ben serving on a jury. I'm going downtown now.

Ken:

Well, I'm driving downtown, Jane.

Jane:

Oh, I'll be glad to. Thanks, Ken.

SFX:

Auto door opens

Ken:

Hop right in. Which courthouse you going to?

SFX:

Door closes and motor starts

Jane:

Well, I'm not going right to the courthouse. I have an appointment at the hair dresser this morning, and I asked Sally to take my place on the jury in case I'm a little late. My cousin, Sally Anderson.

Ken:

Oh yes, Mr. Ace's secretary.

Jane:

I may be five or ten minutes late and I don't want them to wait for me. I told Sally to be there at ten sharp. I just have to get to a beauty shop. My goodness, yesterday I looked like the wrath of grapes, next to that Miss Baker.

Ken:

There;'s nothing wrong with the way you look today, Jane.

Jane:

You do? Well thanks, Ken, but I had this appointment ? I don't suppose they mind of Sally fills in for me for a few minutes. If the judge wants me to, I'll stay overtime to make up for it.


Ace:

If I were a nice guy I'd spare you this next courtroom scene entirely. But I'm slightly sadistic. Translation: I'm a heel. I will warn you, though, to move back a little from your radios. When Judge Edwards gets a load of Jane's substitute in the jury box, I wouldn't want any of it to get on you.

Judge:

We will now proceed with the case on trial. Counsel for the plaintiff will open the case. Are you ready?

Jenkins:

Thank you, Judge Edwards. I am.

Judge:

Just a minute ? who are you? I thought Mr. Brown was counsel for the plaintiff.

Jenkins:

I'm Mr. Jenkins, Mr. Brown's partner. We're both handling this case.

Judge:

Very well, proceed.

Jenkins:

Thank you, Judge Edwards. And if it please the court, ladies and gentlemen of the jury. The plaintiff in this case, Thomas Mason, is suing the defendant for injuries received from a truck loaded with brick and dirt, backing out of a building project without an attendant to flag passing motorists. Mr. Mason received such injuries as to necessitate two months' confinement in the hospital, and a month's convalescence in his home, to say nothing of such shock and nervous disorder as to incapacitate his regular attendance at the work by which until three months ago he earned his livelihood.

SFX:

Door opens and closes and footsteps approach under dialogue

Jenkins:

You will learn in the course of this trial that the injuries received by the plaintiff were so serious as to cause his physician to despair of his complete recovery.

Jane:

OK, Sally, I'm here.

Anderson:

Oh, hello, Jane.

Jane:

Am I very late?

Anderson:

No, that man just started to...

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

What's going on back there?

Jane:

It's all right Judge. It's only me. I'm back.

Judge:

Back?

Jane:

Yes. I let my cousin Sally jure in my place while I went to the beauty shop. OK, Sally, I'll sit in there now. You can sit out there and watch if you like.

Anderson:

It's a kinda dull case, Jane.

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

Mrs. Ace, what is the meaning of this?

Jane:

Well, like I told you, Mr. Edwards...


Judge:

Mr. Edwards! I am Judge William Edwards. You will never refer to me as Mr. Edwards.

Jane:

Well thank you, William, and you may call me...

SFX:

Laughs from spectators and gavel

Judge:

Silence! Order! Quiet! Stop that laughing. I will not tolerate these outbursts in my court. I will clear this courtroom if this continues. Now, Mrs. Ace...

Jane:

Yes.

Judge:

Yes, your honor.

Jane:

Yes, my honor.

SFX:

Laughs from spectators and gavel

Judge:

Order! Order in this court! Did you hear me say I'll clear the courtroom if there is another outburst? We are here on serious business, and it will be the duty of this court to see that you observe proper court etiquette. And putting an added starter in the jury box is not proper court etiquette.

Baker:

Your honor, I move for a mistrial.

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

Oh, you do, Miss Baker. Well, I say there will be no mistrial.

Baker:

But your honor, if a juror is not...

Judge:

Sit down. And you, too, Mrs. Ace, sit down.

Anderson:

So long, Jane. Your hair looks wonderful. Too good for this trial.

Jane:

You do? I was in such a hurry...

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

Silence! Stop that chattering. And let's get on with this case. Mr. Jenkins, counsel for the plaintiff will proceed.

Jenkins:

Yes, your honor. AS I was saying, ladies and gentlemen of the jury...

Jane:

(Under) Mr. Jenkins! I thought Mr. Brown was the lawyer.

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

What was that? What did she say?

Jane:

I said I thought Mr. Brown was the lawyer. Who's Mr. Jenkins? Is he the surprise witness we've been waiting for?

Judge:

Mrs. Ace, if you had been here when court opened you would have been apprised of the fact that Mr. Jenkins and Mr. Brown are handling this case.

Jenkins:

Yes, Mrs. Ace, you see Mr. Brown and I are partners in law.

Jane:

Partners in law? Oh, that's cute ? you bo th married sisters!

SFX:

Laughter followed by the gavel

Judge:

Order! Order in this courtroom. That does it. I warned you. Clerk!

Clerk:

Yes, your honor?
Judge: Clear this court of all spectators. Everybody out. Get everybody out of this courtroom.

Clerk:

All right ? everybody out.

SFX:

Mumbling and shuffling of feet

Clerk:

Clear the court. Step lively. That's it.

SFX:

Door closes

Clerk:

Ok, your honor, they're all out.

Judge:

Now we'll see if we can get some decorum here. Mr. Jenkins, proceed.

Jenkins:

Yes, your honor. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, as I pointed out, the defendant received such injuries and such shock as to ? as to? as to...

Judge:

Well, well, go on. What's the matter with you?

Jenkins:

But your honor, there are only eleven jurors in that box.

Judge:

What? Eleven jur... Where is she! Clerk!

SFX:

Gavel

Clerk:

Yes, your honor?

Judge:

Find that woman.

Clerk:

She must have thought you meant her when you said everybody out.

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

Find her. Bring her back here. And keep hunting till you do find her.

Music bridge

Ace:

This, I am happy to say, I was spared. I had decided to come watch Jane later that afternoon. The next scene of this harrowing story of jurisprudence takes place a few minutes later in a courtroom upstairs from Judge Edwards. Another trial by jury is taking place:

SFX:

Gavel ? twice

Morley:

Counsel will proceed with the witness.

Lawyer:

Thank you, Judge Morley. Now, Miss Delmar, I want to ask you to look at this letter. Do you recognize the handwriting?

Delmar:

I do.

Lawyer:

Whose handwriting is it?

Delmar:

(Softly) Mine.

Lawyer:

Louder please, so the jury can you, Miss Delmar.

Morley:

Yes, the witness will be a little more distinct. Counsel will put the question again.

Lawyer:

Whose handwriting is it, Miss Delmar?

Delmar:

(Loud) I sad it was mine. Did you hear that?



Lawyer:

Thank you, Miss Delmar. I shall now read it. "My darling perfect man. I'll be there again tonight. Waiting. Waiting. Will you ever come to me?
Signed, Irene." And then there follows a most peculiar series of X's. I wonder what they could mean? I wish to pass this letter among you ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Mr. Foreman, would you read this and pass it along? And as you read it, ladies and gentlemen, kindly keep in mind that this letter was written by a woman who says she loved her husband.

Delmar:

I do. I do love my husband.

Lawyer:

Of course you do. I just told the jury you do. Of course, it is a little strange that you should be writing that letter to another man ? who was murdered ? the letter which the jury is now reading. Oh, have you all read this?

Jane:

I haven't read it.

Lawyer:

Oh I beg your pardon, madam. Will you please pass this back to juror number ? juror number...
SFX: Gavel

Morley:

Well what is it ? what's holding things up down there?

Lawyer:

Your honor, there are thirteen jurors in the box.

SFX:

Murmur of voices

Morley:

What's that? Thirteen jurors.

Lawyer:

The lady sitting on the rail back there.

Morley:

What? Madam ? how'd you get in here? Are you a juror?

Jane:

Yes, I am.

Morley:

What seat do you occupy in the box?

Jane:

Oh, no seat. It was crowded so I sat up o n this railing back here.

Lawyer:

I move for a mistrial.

SFX:

Mumble of voices, then gavel


Morley:

Motion denied. And I want this courtroom quiet, or I'll clear everybody out of the room.

Jane:

Oh now don't you start that, too. Judge Edwards just chased me out of his jury.

Morley:

What's that?

Jane:

I was juring downstairs and Judge Edwards chased us all out. So I came up here. This is a much more interesting trial.

Morley:

Madam, get out of that jury box.

SFX:

Footsteps under dialog

Morley:

And get right down to Judge Edwards' court.


Jane:

I don't like that case down there. It's just an old automobile accident. Would somebody in this jury like to swap cases?

SFX:

Laughter, then gavel

Morley:

Order! Quiet! And as for you madam, another word out of you and you'll be held in contempt of two courts at the same time. Two courts ? I never even heard of that. More things happening these days. Get downstairs to that other court. You hear me?

Ace:

While Jane was wandering around the halls of justice shopping for a spicy l'amour to jure, her stand-in, Miss Anderson, had come back to my office and explained why she was late. By the time she got to the part where Jane had called the judge William, I was in a cab on my way to the courthouse with ten thousand dollars bail money, which I happened to have in my pocket at the time.

SFX:

Footsteps

Jane:

Well, Judge Edwards. I'm back again, and I can't say I'm too happy yo be back here. There's a much more interesting case going on upstairs.

Judge:

Mrs. Ace!

Jane:

Yes?

Judge:

How dare you walk out of that jury box?

Jane:

Well, when you said everybody out, I was under the impersonation you meant me, too. So I went upstairs. What a letter they read up there! You don't have any letters down here ? what you need down here is a love interest...

Baker:

Your honor, may I interrupt?

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

You may not, Miss Baker.

Baker:

But I only wanted to say that the defendant's surprise witness has arrived and we're ready to proceed with the case.

Jane:

Surprise witness? Well, maybe this case'll get more interesting.
Judge: Mrs. Ace, you try my patience.

Jane:

All right.

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

Get back in that jury box.

Jane:

Yes, sir.

SFX:

Footsteps

Judge:

And I warn you, one more word out of you, and I'll throw the book at you.

Jane:

(Aside) You might hit an innocent by-sitter, judge.

Judge:

Sit down! I warned you now. Just sit down there.

Jane:

I'm sitting.

Judge:

Now bring on this so-called surprise witness. More movie stuff. Call the witness.

Baker:

I call Paul Sherwood to the stand.

SFX:

Footsteps

Paul:

(Off) Coming.

Jane:

Paul Sherwood!

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

Mrs. Ace, I warned you!

Jane:

But judge, Paul Sherwood is my...

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

Quiet! Miss Baker, you may question your witness.

Baker:

Mr. Sherwood, where were you on the morning of December 16th?

Paul:

Well, I was down at the place ? that excavation on 45th Street ? and when this truck backed out, the man who usually flags it wasn't there. I remember that distinctly.

Baker:

How do you remember that so distinctly?

Paul:

Well, this particular morning I was late getting down there, and somebody else was standing at my peephole, because I had breakfast at my sister's and the toaster wasn't working, and I had to ...

Jane:

Oh, I remember that morning.

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

Mrs. Ace, that does it.

Jane:

But judge, the witness is my brother. I remember...

Judge:

I don't care if he's your brother ? brother?

Jane:

If I'd have known that was gonna be the surprise, I'd have...

Jenkins:

Your ho nor, I move for a mistrial.

Judge:

Oh, yes. Well before we do that, I'm gonna make an example of that woman.

Ace:

(Off) Your honor, may I have a word here?

Jane:

Dear! You here, too?

Judge:

What? Who's this man? How'd he get here?

Ace:

I'm her husband, your honor.

Judge:

Oh, so you're her husband/ You're fined fifty dollars.

Ace:

For what?

Judge:

For being her husband.

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

And I hereby this case a mistrial. It's all because of this woman, Mrs. Ace, who should never be allowed in a jury box again, and if I had my way she should never even be allowed to vote because this will go down in the records of jurisprudence as the most ridiculous mistrial of 1948. Do you understand, Mrs. Ace?

Jane:

Yes sir, I've just been voted Miss Trial of 1948.

SFX:

Gavel

Judge:

Court's adjourned.

Ace:

Isn't that awful?

Music:

Theme up, then under for...

Announcer:

Join us again Monday at this same time for more of Easy Aces.

Music:

Theme up and play to end