Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Radio City Playhouse
Show: Twas the Night Before Christmas
Date: Dec 25 1949

(Transcribed courtesy of Reliving Radio, Portland, OR)

Network:

The National Broadcasting Company presents Radio City Playhouse Attraction 66

MUSIC:

Theme (Shangri-La) up to finish

NETWORK:

Ladies and Gentlemen here is the director of Radio City Playhouse, Harry W Junkin.

JUNKIN:

Thank You Fred, Good Afternoon everybody. It seems to us that there are few things more appropriate as a Christmas gift to Radio City Playhouse listeners than a story by the inimitable Paul Galico. Since 1936, when he first entered the short story field he has been published regularly by such magazines as the Saturday Evening Post, Colliers, Cosmopolitan, and Esquire. And today we welcome him to Radio City Playhouse.

Here then, with our very best wishes is our Christmas day broadcast. Lyle Sudrow as Perry Brown, and Bernard Grant as Al Vogel, in Twas the Night Before Christmas by Paul Galico, Attraction 66 on Radio City Playhouse.

MUSIC:

Interlude up heavy with strings and chimes.

ANNOUNCER:

It is 4 o'clock in the afternoon of Saturday December the 24, in the City Room of the Daily Blade. Almost everybody has gone home. A couple of office boys are yawning on the call bench. Three rewrite men are pecking away on their typewriters and watching the clock. At the head of the room Tex Court, the City Editor, is talking earnestly in the telephone with a hunted look on his face. Nearer the door, Perry brown, the Daily Blade's best reporter is chatting with Al Vogel, his photographer. They're both about to leave for Rusty's party when Perry's telephone rings.

SFX:

Background office sounds up phone rings in the distance, typewriters slowly pecking away. Office Sounds under and through. Foreground telephone rings. Cradle Rattle and answer.

PERRY:

Hello Perry Brown. Yes . . . Oh Hello Rusty. Yes, we're just leaving - - - Yep, I'm all cleaned up. . . Did the tree come? (pause) Good. . . . No, no Vogel's sitting on my desk. We'll leave together. (laughs) Oh, Honey, I'm going to trim that tree with diamonds, rubies and sapphires.

AL:

[Slightly aside] That'll run into dough.

PERRY:

Vogel says, "That'll run into dough." [Laughs in response to something said] huh? Oh darling, if you play Holy Night, I'll cry. . . Yes I will. I get very sentimental about Christmas. . . . Vogel will cry too, won't ya Al?

AL:

Oh, Absolutely.

PERRY:

All right, we'll all cry, and it will be a wonderful party. Now darling, don't worry about the Christmas tree fires, they won't break out until nine O'clock and besides I'd quit before I'd miss the party. . . . . . . . . OK Anything you want me to bring? . . [repeating] Just me . . OK, Love Ya . . .

SFX:

Hang up office sounds continue through.

AL:

Hey why don't you marry the girl and put her out of her misery?

PERRY:

I'm, a, working on it by this time next year. C'mon Al let's get out of here.

AL:

. . .right behind ya.

PERRY:

Let's go say "Merry Christmas" to Tex. C'mon.

AL:

That's a good idea. C'mon

SFX:

2 sets of feet on wooden floor, under and through

PERRY:

Rusty is about as excited about this party as a five year old kid. It's our first, REAL, planned party.

AL:

No kidding . . .

TEX:

[off mike fading to full on] Yes, Mrs. Petingsol, I understand. And I'm sure that we can take care of it . . . by 11 o'clock at number 3 Courtney Towers . . . yeah harnessed to the wagon, yes?..

AL:

[over] Mrs. Petingsol

TEX:

[continuing] it's all right Mrs. Petingsol. I'll keep in touch with you. . . . Yes. Same to you. . . . Good bye.

SFX:

phone hang up - office sounds continue very under through.

PERRY:

Al and I are just leaving Tex. Merry Christmas, and try to get up to Rusty's party if you can, will ya? . . . . What's the matter?

TEX:

Perry. I meant to let you and Al go, but something unforeseen has come up.

PERRY:

[over] oh no. You promised us the night off!

AL:

You did Tex !

TEX:

Yes I know. And you'll get to Rusty's party later. Did you uh . . hear anything of that telephone conversation I just had?

AL:

you, uh, mean, uh Mrs. Petingsol?

PERRY:

Tex !

TEX:

Her nephews have arrived unexpectedly from the west and she wants a Christmas present for them.

AL:

Oh No.

TEX:

She wishes us to secure a pair of goats for her . . . .

PERRY and AL:

GOATS !

TEX:

. . Harnessed to red wagon.

AL:

Oh your kiddin' - Goats !

TEX:

Harnessed to a red wagon

PERRY:

Is she crazy. Where can you find a couple goats and red wagon on Christmas Eve?

AL:

Yeah, Where can you find a couple goats?

TEX:

You mean where will you find them?

PERRY:

oh Tex, No.

TEX:

You'll be all right if the outfit arrives at number 3 Courtney towers by 11 O'clock, tonight.

PERRY:

I won't do it! I promised Rusty . . .

TEX:

And I promised the wife of our editor and managing director that I get her two goats.

PERRY:

All right we quit. Don't we Al?

AL:

Absolutely!

PERRY:

We told Rusty nothing would keep us away from her first party.

TEX:

Listen. Perry- Al- I'm sorry but I'm on the spot. Do you think I get a kick out of having my reporters used as footmen? Mrs. Petingsol's a bad little girl. . .

PERRY:

[mimicking] bad little girl

TEX:

She's a gadfly sent to try us. I'm sorry but it's all part of the screwy business and she is the wife of our managing director. Now please Perry. There's nobody else to send. Please.

PERRY:

I can't! Rusty'll give me the air . . .

TEX:

She'll understand. She's a newspaper woman.

PERRY:

Oh no no no, Not tonight she isn't. Tonight she's a kid having her first Christmas Party.

TEX:

You'll just be a little late . . . Here I'll give you a petty cash slip. Get upstairs and cash it before 5. . . How much - The sky's the limit!

PERRY:

Alright a grand !

TEX:

I said the sky not the stratosphere.

PERRY:

[Still unhappy] You want your stinkin' goats don't ya? How do I know what I'll run up against. I may have to buy them from the zoo.

TEX:

[writing] uh OK - [TEAR PAPER] here. If you need any help, call me.

PERRY:

Oh, Thank you. And you call Rusty. I haven't got the nerve, she'll think I'm drunk.

TEX:

oh alright.

PERRY:

Call her up and say you sent me out to get two goats and a red wagon. Oh boy, she'll love you! C'mon Al.

AL:

Maybe we can get the goats quick somehow. . .

TEX:

[off mic] Hey where are you going to go first Perry?

PERRY:

[raised voice] Where would you go to get goats? Brooklyn !

SFX:

office sounds fade to out (board fade covered by Music up)

MUSIC:

Light musical bridge of jingle bells ending on a minor chord and fade.

SFX:

cars and traffic sounds

AL:

Gee Perry. It's nice driving over Brooklyn bridge at night. Ain't it?

PERRY:

yeah . . . [singing -badly] Holy night, silent night, where can I find two goats?

AL:

The old bridge looks pretty with all the lights on it and everything.

PERRY:

Yeah [singing continued] where, oh where, can I find two goats?

AL:

Hey just look at the lights on the water Perry and the piers . . . Look huh?

PERRY:

yeah.

SFX:

distant explosions

AL:

Hey Perry Look - That flash of flame down there !

PERRY: Yeah Yeah, Yeah

AL:

Look the Pier's on fire - LOOK will ya.

PERRY:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lovely fire. Maybe it'll burn all night. Too bad we can't go.

AL:

What da mean we can't go? Are you nuts ?

PERRY:

My dear Al. Consider your position. We're in the service of the rich. We are after GOATS! We're not reporters. We're lackeys. Mrs. Petingsol would be very very angry if we went to a fire instead of buying her two goats harnessed to a red wagon. . .

AL:

Perry we gotta - - Look! It's spread. Look at the Orange and Yellow flames. . .. It's like an atomic . . . . . . .

PERRY:

I known hush Al.

AL:

Maybe I can grab a shot. Slow down Perry please - Maybe I can get a picture from here. . . .

PERRY:

no no no Al, we must let nothing turn us from our duty. We're not reporters. We're butlers.

SFX:

SHUTTER CLICK

AL:

Well I got it anyway, and maybe that won't be the picture of the year.

MUSIC:

light breezing jingles bell variation

SFX:

auto road noise up and through under

PERRY:

[singing again] The first little goat will be silky and white, and I hope it gives Mrs. Petingsol a bite.

AL:

Perry will ya stop singing . . . ! I know we shouldn't have gone into those bars looking for goats.

PERRY:

[singing] And where else would you look for a goat.

AL:

Hey Perry. Look that taxi - [DISTANT SIREN continues under] look look - and an ambulance

PERRY:

uh huh

AL:

There's been an accident - Perry slow down a little bit . . . hey that woman - she's hurt. Please Perry slow down. . . let me get a picture will ya ?

PERRY:

no no what would Mrs Petingsol say if she found out you went around shooting a camera at people . . .

SFX:

CAMERA CLICK

AL:

Got it !

PERRY:

Stop taking pictures . . .

AL:

Ya know what ? We're lost. That's what. We're lost in Brooklyn and we'll be here for years and years . . .

PERRY:

We're not lost. If you'd stop taking pictures you'd see that we are now approaching Cyprus and 283rd. And if our friend the bartender is correct we're about to get our first goat.

AL:

Didn't he have any number?

PERRY:

No- Brown shack at the corner of Cyprus and 283rd. - That must be it over there beside those sign boards.

SFX:

car sounds slows down and stops.

AL:

Hey, what is a garbage dump - or is that the goats I smell?

MUSIC:

light Christmas -

SFX:

Goat bleets on mic then off mic and under

PERRY:

Now Rudolph. Be a good goat will ya? Now c'mon.

AL:

What's he stopping for?

PERRY:

I don't know. Now please Rudolph we're almost at the car, now in a little while you'll Mrs. Petingsol - - - You'll like her.

AL:

Ya can't pull 'em if they don't wanna.

SFX:

RUDOLPH BLEETS under and through

PERRY:

Now look Rudolph, I paid a hundred bucks for you - would you act like a hundred dollar goat?

AL:

He's sniffing at something on the ground.

PERRY:

Huh ?

AL:

Yeah - HEY! Perry look . . . .

SFX:

Goat down and out - scraping sounds in the grass

AL:

It's a body !

PERRY:

What - ?

AL:

Yeah, Yeah, in a sack! (PAUSE) Suffering cats! There's a note on it!

PERRY:

Well give me your flashlight. [SLOWLY] Hey . . .

SFX:

stiff paper unfolding

PERRY:

Merry Christmas . . . from the boys

AL:

Wow. I think I know him. Flash the light in his face.

PERRY:

yeah

AL:

Holy Cow Perry! It's Progauer from the D.A.'s office.

PERRY:

yeahhhh ---- He had his nose in the poultry racket didn't he? - (pause) "Merry Christmas from the boys." What a story !

AL:

And How !

PERRY:

Well too bad we're busy . . .

AL:

Perry! You're kidding !

PERRY:

I'm not kidding. [BLEET] Business before pleasure. We're still one goat shy. [BLEET] Progauer will have to wait.

AL:

OK. But let me take a couple of pictures.

PERRY:

OK, but make it snappy. - (PAUSE) - All right Rudolph, I'll give you one more chance - are you or are you not going to get into the car without being kicked?

MUSIC:

Timpani slur.

MUSIC:

light bridge 12 seconds then under and through

SFX:

Automobile sounds - BLEATING - under and through

PERRY:

Cmon Rudolph get in the back seat, will ya? And stop kissing me I'm driving . .

AL:

Yeah, and you should have stuck to Lemonade. . .

PERRY:

Ohhhhh, You should talk. (Pause) While I think of it who did you phone in that last tavern?

MUSIC:

out

AL:

the Office - Tex

PERRY:

So what did ya tell him?

AL:

Nothin' Nothin' at all. He said that Rusty had phoned and said you needn't bather coming to the party no matter how early you got through . . . . And I just sort-ta casually mentioned the fire and the Progauer murder.

PERRY:

Ahhhh, that'll teach him to send us out after goats.

AL:

Where did that Bartender say we should go?

PERRY:

ohhhhhh a guy by the name of Constantine Buanacassa.

AL:

Huh?

PERRY:

Just a couple of blocks more.

SFX:

BLEATING UP

AL:

[RAISED VOICE] Now what's the matter with Rudolph?

PERRY:

[slightly louder] I believe he is slightly loaded - He downed a whole can of bear that the barkeep gave him -

AL:

More likely it's the can - he downed that too.

SFX:

BLEET

MUSIC:

bridge

SFX:

Wind sounds up --Knocking on the door - - Door open - - distance music and party sounds

PERRY:

Uh Uh Uh Mr. Buanacassa ?

CB:

[dialect] Yes ?

PERRY:

Well my, my friend here, and I, as curious as it may seem, are seeking to purchase a goat.

AL:

Yeah, a goat . .

PERRY:

[continuing] Yeah, a goat. Jerry, the bartender at Mike's Tavern, said you had goats.

CB:

eh? You make'a the Christmas joke, no?

PERRY:

oh no . . .

CB:

You'a come in - We got company - you drink a glass of wine . . . and everything , she be all right. Christmas time - everybody, she feel OK.

PERRY:

Anytime but Christmas eve, it might be a gag. It's dead on the level, brother. I gotta get another goat. Now, have you got one?

AL:

Yeah, we ain't kidding.

CB:

This is a no funny business?

PERRY:

Honest !

CB:

Alright.

SFX:

Door close - party out wind up under

CB:

you'a come with'a me.

SFX:

Footsteps wind in the distance. And through

PERRY:

Uh, You have got goats? Haven't you?

CB:

Sure I gotta the goats - Pablo and Franchesca - they man and a wife - nice goats, good goats. You like'a goats?

PERRY:

Oh Sure! We love goats. Don't we Al?

AL:

Oh Sure - yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially on Christmas Eve, we love goats.

SFX:

footsteps out - rattle door

CB:

It's a in here - the shed.

SFX:

multiple goats bleeting.

CB:

There Paola and Franchesca

PERRY:

Goats - let's go . . .

AL:

Hold it! Ya ain't got them yet.

PERRY:

Oh yeah - uh uh uh - Mr. Bawanacasa - How much for the big one?

CB:

Marcobugonia !!!! I tell you: the Paola and Franchesca this is a husband and a wife! No sell'a one! You married man - I think you understand that.

PERRY:

Ohhhhhhh - forgive me. Oh man you're right. I don't know what I was thinking about.

AL:

Yeah ! Yeah, they look so pretty. They're in love.

PERRY:

Yeah sure look - a look Mr. Bawanacasa. I got a goat outside.

CB:

Yesssss.

PERRY:

The swellest goat you ever saw. Rudolph - Rudolph. He loves everybody.

AL:

Crazy about everybody.

PERRY:

What about a deal? I buy Poalo and Franchesca, and you take Rudolph in part swap. Huh? You can have one swell loving goat and some cash. "Everybody, she's a happy." How bout it? Huh?

CB:

I don't want a one'a goat.

PERRY:

No?

CB:

No.

AL:

What's the matter with having one goat?

CB:

What's good is a one a goat, except to another goat?

PERRY:

. . . except to . . .ha . . . ha ha ha ha ha

AL:

[joining in] ha ha ha ha ha

PERRY:

Ah look Mr. Bawanacasa. It's a deal. How much?

CB:

I'm a not a sure that I want a much to sell, now?

PERRY:

Three hundred dollars ?

CB:

A Beech - capice - is a good. Paolo and Franchesca is a yours. You come in the house and we have a some a wine. Is a party! We sing'a songs, we lift the ceiling.

MUSIC:

Italian bridge - into Christmas Carol.

SFX:

automobile noise driving and under

PERRY:

gibbering Italian in song

AL:

I knew it. We shouldn't have stayed at Bawanacasas's party so long. I just knew it.

PERRY:

[continues nonsense singing]

AL:

Perry, Perry - please stop will Ya?

PERRY:

all right

AL:

If I don't eat soon I'm gonna die. We got the goats. We got three goats in fact. Let's eat and get em up Mrs. Petinsol's .. . . . . . .

SFX:

goat from under to up

AL:

will you shut up Rudolph. You too Franchesca, will ya pipe down? Holly smokes, we're up to our neck in goats. What are we gonna do with three goats Perry?

PERRY:

Wha da we gonna do? [reverts back to nonsense singing]

AL:

[shouting] If we don't eat soon Perry, I'm gonna be sick!

MUSIC:

bridge from Italian song to Christmas carol

SFX:

[board fade from music to restaurant sounds]

AL:

Ya know somethin' Perry? I wouldn't have blamed that waiter if he had socked ya. . . "Russian caviar" in a dump like this . . . are you kidding?

WAITRESS - [off mic. Shouting to the kitchen] Run two - one black!

PERRY:

Shhhhhhhhh - Al. I'm sleeping. Now please DO NOT DISTURB. Allow me to sit here with my head in my hands and suffer.

SFX:

DOOR OPEN / CLOSE Feet on the floor approaching.

PERRY:

[groaning] Ohhhh, stop nudging me Al. Stop nudging me!

RUSTY:

Good evening all. Mind if I join the party?

PERRY:

[hung over] Rusty . . . !

RUSTY:

Hello Perry. I don't s'pose you'd mind if I sat down.

SFX:

Chair scratch on floor.

PERRY:

You're sore!

RUSTY:

Not At All! [sarcastic] It's been a perfect Christmas Eve.

PERRY:

How'd ya find us?

RUSTY:

You left a trail a blind man could follow. When I saw your car parked outside with three goats in the back seat, I sort of figured you might be in here.

AL:

Ohhh, don't be sore Rusty. . . .

RUSTY:

Sore? Why should I be sore?

PERRY:

What - - - a what are you doing away from the party?

RUSTY:

[on mic] There is no party. [Off mic] Can I have some coffee too.

PERRY:

Wha da mean?

Male voice off mic. - "Coming up !"

RUSTY:

I'm working! Everybody's working. There's never been a Christmas like it before. Progauer was murdered. Progauer's of the D.A.'s office.

PERRY:

Ohhhhh, for goodness sake. Well fancy that.

RUSTY:

It also so happens that pier 547, Brooklyn blew up.

PERRY:

Not really..?

RUSTY:

Perry! Why do you drink?

PERRY:

'cuz they sent me out on Christmas Eve to buy two goats and a red wagon.

RUSTY:

Oh. Have you got the wagon?

PERRY:

huh ?

AL:

The Wagon ! the Wagon!

PERRY:

ohhhhh. I haven't got the wagon.

RUSTY:

Well I have. That's one reason I'm here. Tex thought you'd forget.

PERRY:

Where is it?

RUSTY:

Outside in my car.

PERRY:

Oh Rusty you're wonderful.

RUSTY:

Am I ?

AL:

We got one goat too many, Rusty.

RUSTY:

Oh. You noticed it too, did you? Isn't Mrs. Petinsol going to be surprised.

MUSIC:

sedate bridge

SFX:

Goats Bleating

PERRY:

Oh What's the matter with them now?

RUSTY:

They're frightened.

PERRY:

Now listen goats! You're out of the elevator. All ya got to do now is walk down this nice quiet hall, here, see. . . That's it now just walk slowly down the hall to apartment three.

SFX:

Goats up

PERRY:

[laughing] and stop kissing me. Oh look Rusty. Rudolph loves me.

RUSTY:

It's quarter to eleven. The Petinsols will be home in 15 minutes.

PERRY:

All right all right all right. Vogel, you tale Paolo . . .

AL:

All right

PERRY:

. . .Rusty, you grab Franchesca

AL:

[wrestling with a goat] up you go.

SFX:

Goats up

PERRY:

and for you Rudolph

AL:

Laughing

PERRY:

Laughing

SFX:

Door buzzer, Door buzzer [over the laughter]

RUSTY:

Whoever answers this door is in for an awful shock.

AL:

[over the din] You ain't kiddin'

PERRY:

Rudolph - Oh Rudolph, you love me. [to others] He's kissing me. [childishly] Merry Christmas Rudolph, the sweetest little goat in the whole wide world.

SFX:

[over] door rattle and open

BUTLER:

Good Even !!GOOD HEAVENS!!

PERRY:

Are you the Petinsol's Butler?

BUTLER:

I am sir. And might I ask "What" you are?

PERRY:

Move over ! We got goats! You got a bathroom with a sunken tub?

MUSIC:

Bridge - light and nautical

PERRY:

Humming to himself -

SFX:

water splashing Goats bleating

PERRY:

Hold still Rudolph. There-there. I guess you're clean.

RUSTY:

Oh They both look like fluffy little lambs.

PERRY:

Oh but a Rudolph here doesn't deserve a bath after smashing the Petinsol's mirror.

RUSTY:

Well. He couldn't help it. It was the first time he'd ever seen himself with that mean expression on his face.

SFX:

Goats up

PERRY:

uh, uh, Hold still Rudolph. You'll be dry in a minute. Atsa boy. Give me another towel Rusty.

SFX:

Goat Up

RUSTY:

You've used five already. [off mic] This bathroom looks like a nightmare.

PERRY:

Atsa boy. Well ya can't deliver dirty goats to Mrs. Petinsol. - Say. He's real cute when he's clean, isn't he.

SFX:

goat up

RUSTY:

What's Vogel doing? [Grunt]

PERRY:

Making a harness out of neckties. [tugging]

RUSTY:

There. He's done. - Let's get him harnessed to the wagon and get out of here before the Petinsols arrive.

PERRY:

yeah uh huh. Come on Rudolph. You look swell.

SFX:

Goat up

PERRY:

well c'mon Rusty open the door.

SFX:

Door opens

PERRY:

Oh hey! Oh. This is sure some dump. [Raises his voice] Oh How's the harness coming Al?

AL:

[fading on from off mic] I used Mr Petinsol's Neckties. - See Look at it. Swell ain't it?

RUSTY:

Al. It's the nicest harness I've ever seen.

AL:

Yeah - Hey. Did ya ever see a tree like that in your whole life?

RUSTY:

Never! And I never will. I'll never ever have a Christmas like other people. Never.

PERRY:

Let's get 'em harnessed.

MUSIC:

[march of the tin soldiers]

RUSTY:

[tugging] there.

PERRY:

[hard breathing] uh huh.

RUSTY:

Cinched. Red wagon and all.

AL:

Yeah.

SFX:

Goats up and through

RUSTY:

Now don't they look cute?

PERRY:

Paola and Franchesca - man and wife - [mocking] it's makes me want to cry .. . oops - what are they doing to the tree?

RUSTY:

Looks to me as if they're eating it. A little at a time.

SFX:

goats up - small crash.

PERRY:

Ru Rudolph! Darn you any way Rudolph.

RUSTY:

[off mic] Perry! Look out he'll break the other one.

SFX:

crash.

AL:

Suffering cats! Shhh. Hold it! Here come the Petinsol's . . .

SFX:

door opens - foot steps - STOP

Mrs. Petinsol:

OH!

SFX:

door close

Mrs. Petinsol:

What's going on in here?

SFX:

steps across the room.

Mrs Petinsol:

My Vase. - Ohhhhhhh - both of them. What is the meaning of this? Who are you people. (pause) Alan. Are these people from the paper?

Mr. Petinsol [hen pecked] I believe they are, my dear.

Mrs Petinsol:

[outraged] Get out of here. All of you. You. . . You hooligans. You're drunk.

PERRY:

[uncertain speech] I, I beg your pardon. We're not drunk.

Mrs. Petinsol:

Of course you are - otherwise, what's the meaning of the third animal?

PERRY:

[deliberately] It is a spare.

Mrs. Petinsol:

A Spare? Is that supposed to be funny? Will you please leave! Alan! I expect you to deal with these people tomorrow.

PERRY:

ohhhhh. Rusty. I believe Mrs. Petinsol is sore.

RUSTY:

Is She? Well so am I! Mrs. Petinsol. You're all through with Perry Brown now aren't you.

Mrs. Petinsol:

[Interrupts] I don't believe I know who you are?

RUSTY:

[takes back the floor] You're through with him. He's drunk and he's dirty and besides, He's served your purpose. He got you what you wanted: two goats and a red wagon, on Christmas Eve. No other man in town could have done it tonight - or would have . . . .

Mrs. Petinsol:

[tries to interrupt] Get out of here!

RUSTY:

. . .You've been using our office and our staff to do your dirty work for the last five years . . . .

Mrs. Petinsol:

Well !

RUSTY:

Run errands, fetch and carry, fix things for you. Play nursemaid to you. Well that's out as far as we're concerned.

Mrs. Petinsol:

Well !

RUSTY:

Well I suggest that when you go to replace us, you go to an employment agency that furnishes trained servants. It will be nice to know that you can call up the office when you need an extra butler. C'mon boys! C;mon Rudolph! Let's get out of here. I can smell something that has nothing to do with goats.

Mrs. Petinsol:

Well. I've never before heard such . . . .

Mr. Petinsol:

[immediate interrupt] Now Now Now my dear. Good night Miss McGowan, Mr. Vogel, Mr. Brown. . . .

RUSTY:

C'mon let's get out of here!

MUSIC:

comic bridge (board fade to automobile sounds)

SFX:

car driving

RUSTY:

. . . We got rid of Al.

PERRY:

Yeah

RUSTY:

Now if we could only get rid of Rudolph.

SFX:

goat off mic.

PERRY:

I called up the zoo.

RUSTY:

Well . . . ?

PERRY:

They didn't want a goat.

RUSTY:

oh . . . .

PERRY:

[smirking] I called up the Metropolitan Museum of Art too.

RUSTY:

[ laughing] What on earth for?

PERRY:

I dunno. I though maybe because it was Christmas Eve they might make an exception.

SFX:

goat up

RUSTY:

Wha'da we do with him?

PERRY:

Honey, I dunno, but I'm not going to abandon Rudolph on some cold vacant lot. He's got a right to Christmas too.

SFX:

goat up

RUSTY:

Well, where will we take him?

PERRY:

I dunno. . . . I guess we'll just . . . wander around Brooklyn with him, until we die of old age.

SFX:

Goat up slobber sounds.

PERRY:

Uh uh uh? now don't kiss me while I'm driving Rudolph.

SFX:

Goat up

PERRY:

He loves me Rusty . . .

RUSTY:

I know. I do too.

PERRY:

Do ya ?

RUSTY:

uh huh. - but for heaven's sake, let's get some coffee. I'm perishing with the cold, Perry. Look there's a place. C'mon stop Perry.

PERRY:

all right all right - uh, do you think you love me as much as Rudolph loves me?

RUSTY:

mummmm. I think I do.

PERRY:

OK then I'll buy you some coffee.

SFX:

Automobile noise up momentarily then out.

PERRY:

OK get Rudolph out on your side.

SFX:

goat up

RUSTY:

Can't he stay in the car?

PERRY:

Rudolph's got a right to his Christmas too.

SFX:

car door open

PERRY:

Ataboy Rudolph - go with Rusty. That's a fella.

SFX:

goat

RUSTY:

c'mon Rudolph. . . . Good 'ol Rudolph.

SFX:

car door closes foot steps under continue

PERRY:

Rusty, Honey, I just couldn't leave Rudolph without a home on Christmas Eve it wouldn't be human.

RUSTY:

I know. Do you suppose we'll have to keep him forever?

SFX:

Door open and jukebox Christmas music in background.

PERRY:

Here we are - all right now sit down Rudolph, sit down beside us and shut up !

SFX:

goat

Waiter:

Hey. Hey mister. You can't bring that goat in here. . .

PERRY:

Oh yes we can. It's Christmas Eve Coffee and donuts for two and some Wheat biscuits for Rudolph.

WAITER:

Is that what goats eat?

PERRY:

yeah, yeah, just one of the things. And leave 'em in the box - He'll eat the box and all. He'll be hysterical when he hits the biscuits after all that cardboard. . . .

WAITER:

all right.

PERRY:

Yeah thanks. Here you are Rudolph. Now don't let me hear a sound out of you.

SFX:

GOAT UP

WAITER:

I've seen everything now. . . . . [up and fading off] Donuts and coffee coming up.

PERRY:

' You unhappy kid?

RUSTY:

uhhhh, Perry. I'm an awful fake. I've loved every minute of it.

PERRY:

no foolin' ?

RUSTY:

uh huh. I was mad because you wouldn't take me with you.

PERRY:

It's a lousy racket but we love it. . . . I guess we're out of it now though. We haven't got a job, Rusty.

RUSTY:

Ohhh, I think we have. Remember when Mr. Petinsol said good night?

PERRY:

Yes.

RUSTY:

He winked at me.

PERRY:

no kiddin' ?

RUSTY:

uh huh. [ha] He's been wanting to tell her off for years.

PERRY:

Oh I'll bet.

RUSTY:

Perry, Can't you remember anything that happened tonight?

PERRY:

Some of it.

RUSTY:

Well. Ya know that there's a bonus waiting for you at the office?

PERRY:

A bonus! What for?

RUSTY:

For your work on the Pier 547 explosion. Vogel took a picture of it.

PERRY:

Yeah ?

RUSTY:

Yeah ! He also took a picture of the death of some Brooklyn Alderman's wife in a taxi accident. - - And a half a dozen of Progauer's body.

PERRY:

What What are you talking about?

RUSTY:

Vogel phoned the office around six, and said if we would go to an address he gave us, and look behind some sign boards, there'd be something for us. -
There was! On top of Progauer's body were half a dozen plates and a note from Vogel with the captions on it. They're all over page one - now.

PERRY:

Well, I'll be . . . Good 'ol Vogel. I tried to make an honest flunky out of him, but I guess he's just a newspaper man at heart.

RUSTY:

So. You see. Everything's all right.

PERRY:

Ya Yeah. I guess it is.

RUSTY:

Now if we could only just get rid of Rudolph. . .

PERRY:

Yeah . . .

BOY:

[off mic -loud] Hey Mister - Give me two coffees and two donuts to go.

WAITER:

[off mic] OK !

PERRY:

Rusty - Rusty! Look!

RUSTY:

What?

PERRY:

That kid. [ raises voice ] Hey sonny? Sonny ! Come here will ya?

BOY:

Hello lady.

RUSTY:

Hi sonny.

BOY:

Hello Mister.

PERRY:

Hi !

BOY:

Merry Christmas -

PERRY:

Merry Christmas to you. Say, . . How would you like a goat for Christmas?

BOY:

Her . . .

PERRY:

Him.

BOY:

Honest . . . ?

PERRY:

Honest!

BOY:

Ya mean, just take him?

PERRY:

right now. Ya wanna?

BOY:

Gee! Do I ! Gosh !

PERRY:

Call him Rudolph.

BOY:

Gee thanks Mister. Thanks a lot. C'mon Rudolph, c'mon.

SFX:

goat up and under

PERRY:

wellllll, we've done it Rusty. We've done it. Rudolph has a home.

SFX:

jukebox a little louder

PERRY:

Darling - merry Christmas.

RUSTY:

Perry . . . .

WAITER:

Hey Hey Hey - cut out the kissing stuff! I run a respectable joint.

MUSIC:

up beet jingle bells -

ANNOUNCER:

You have just heard, Twas the night before Christmas by Paul Gallico, Starring Lyle Sudrow as Perry Brown, Bernard Grant was Al Vogel, and other members of the cast included Ross Martin, Frank Millano, Lui VanRooten, Connie Lempky, Butch Kavell, and Grace Ketty. The special music was both composed and conducted by Dr. Roy Shields. Twas the night before Christmas was adapted for radio by Harry W. Junkin who also directed the entire production.

MUSIC:

Theme (Shangri-La) up and run -

JUNKIN:

This is Harry Junkin again. Next week on Radio City Playhouse, Jan Miner gives vitality and charm to the roll of Anne Stratton in a tender and beautiful love story called reflections. That's next week, Reflection, attraction number 67 on Radio City Playhouse. Merry Christmas everybody and Good afternoon.

MUSIC:

Theme reprise - short and run -

NETWORK:

What's on NBC tonight? There's a Christmas stocking full of entertainment. As a holiday special, Theater Guild on the Air will present Paullette Goddard, and Sir Cedric Hardwick in that perennial favorite, "the passing of the third floor back." Hear this special Christmas Program: Paullette Goddard and Sir Cedric Hardwick on Theater Guild on the Air. You'll find a merry Christmas all day long on NBC. Fred Collins Speaking. Now stay tuned for James Melton and Harvest of Stars on NBC.

SFX:

Chimes