Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Father Knows Best
Show: The Housekeeper
Date: Jun 22 1950

Kathy:

Mother! Is Maxwell House really the only coffee in the world?

Margaret:

Well, your father says so, and your father knows best!

MUSIC:

Theme up and then under for--

Anncr:

Yes, it's Father Knows Best, transcribed in Hollywood and starring Robert Young as Father - a half-hour visit with your neighbors, the Andersons. Brought to you by America's favorite coffee, Maxwell House. The coffee that's always good to the last drop.

MUSIC:

Theme back up and play to end.

(Applause under theme)

 

Anncr:

Extensive research has proved conclusively that there are two kinds of husbands. One: The husband who takes absolutely no interest what-so-ever in household affairs. And two: The husband whose wife wishes he'd mind his own business and leave things alone. In Springfield, in the white frame house on Maple street, Jim Anderson is about to demonstrate that there is no happy medium. Like this.

Kathy:

Six goes into 36 six times. Six goes into 42 seven times.

Betty:

Kathy, why don't you stop that? You know mother has a headache.

Kathy:

But I have to learn my "six goes intos".

Jim:

Margaret, could I have another cup of coffee, please?

Margaret:

(She has a headache) Of course dear.

SFX:

Banging noise

Margaret:

Bud, stop banging your feet on the table.

Bud:

I wasn't banging my feet, Mom, I was just - holy cow, look at the time! I gotta go. Come on, squirt.

Kathy:

Stop hauling me.

Bud:

(Fading) See ya later everybody.

Jim:

Bud, don't slam the door.

SFX:

Door slams. Door opens.

Bud:

Did you call me, Dad?

Jim:

Never mind.

Bud:

O.K.

SFX:

Door slams

Betty:

Mother, why don't you lie down for awhile? I'll take care of the dishes.

Margaret:

That's very sweet, Betty. But it isn't necessary.

Betty:

Alright. I'll come right home in case you need me for anything.

Margaret:

Alright, dear.

Betty:

(Fading) Goodbye, Father.

Jim:

Good bye, Betty.

SFX:

Door closes (but not slams)

Jim:

Your head still aching, honey?

Margaret:

Oh, it's really nothing, Jim. I don't know why everyone makes such a fuss over a little headache. You'd think I were dying.

Jim:

Margaret.

Margaret:

Yes, dear.

Jim:

You know, you haven't been looking very well, lately.

Margaret:

Well, that's a pleasant way to start the day. How to cheer up your wife in six easy lessons.

Jim:

I, ah, I don't mean you look that bad. I mean, uh, you just look so tired.

Margaret:

Jim, dear, in five years I'll be 40, then you can swap me in for two 20's.

Jim:

Margaret, I'm being very serious about this. If you want to treat it as a joke...

Margaret:

Alright, dear, I'll try and be more respectful.

Jim:

Oh. Well, where was I?

Margaret:

You were telling me I look like an old hag.

Jim:

Oh. Well.. That's not what I said at all.

Margaret:

I'm sorry. A young hag.

Jim:

Margaret, I'm merely trying to be helpful. I think I know why you're tired and I believe I have the answer to the whole problem.

Margaret:

You're going to shoot the children?

Jim:

Well, that had occurred to me. But I think I have a better idea. What you need is a - a housekeeper.

Margaret:

Oh, Jim, don't be ridiculous.

Jim:

I don't see anything ridiculous about it at all. The Gilroy's have a housekeeper and I sell three times as much insurance as he does.

Margaret:

It's not a question of how much insurance you sell. We don't need a housekeeper. And where would she sleep? Or haven't you thought of that?

Jim:

Of course I thought of that. She can sleep in the den in the roll-away bed.

Margaret:

Jim, I don't want a housekeeper.

Jim:

Then, when people like the Edwards come over for dinner there wouldn't be all the fuss and worry. Margaret: Jim.

Jim:

Yes, dear.

Margaret:

Who are the Edwards?

Jim:

Harry and Grace Edwards. You remember them, don't you? We met them at the Hathaway's last week. He's the little stocky fellow with the red face. President of the Chamber of Commerce. Remember?

Margaret:

And they're coming to dinner when?

Jim:

Tomorrow night. Didn't I tell you? I could've sworn...

Margaret:

Jim, is there any connection between the Edwards and this sudden passion for a housekeeper?

Jim:

Of course not. I just thought...well, you've been working so hard and you, you have a headache and...

Margaret:

There isn't any reason for wanting to impress Mr. Edwards, is there? Or Mrs. Edwards?

Jim:

Margaret, I just finished telling you the whole thing...well, after all, Edwards is the head of the Chamber of Commerce and there's an opening on the board...

Margaret:

And Bert Gilroy's trying to get it.

Jim:

Well, the Edwards had dinner with the Gilroys.

Margaret:

And the Gilroys have a housekeeper so you thought if we blossomed forth with a housekeeper...

Jim:

Margaret, being on the Chamber of Commerce is a very great honor. I certainly think it's worth a small expenditure of time and energy.

Margaret:

Jim.

Jim:

Yes, Margaret?

Margaret:

No housekeeper.

Jim:

(Getting perturbed) Well, if you'd only listen tome rather than flying off the handle...

Margaret:

(Calmly) I'm not flying off the handle. I'm merely telling you simply, quietly, and without emotion, no housekeeper.

Jim:

Ah, there was an ad in the paper only last night...

Margaret:

No housekeeper.

Jim:

All she wanted was $75.00 for the month. And she'll take complete charge.

Margaret:

No housekeeper.

Jim:

She's courteous, efficient, energetic, loyal...

Margaret:

No.

Jim:

...a wonderful cook, neat as a pin, loves children. Margaret, why don't you give her a trial?

Margaret:

Ah - no!

Jim:

Honey, this isn't something you can decide on the spur of the moment. Why don't you think it over?

Margaret:

Alright. I can't see any harm in that.

Jim:

Good. Well, I've got to go now. I'll call you right after lunch.

Margaret:

Alright, dear. Oh, Jim. I've thought it over.

Jim:

Margaret...

Margaret:

No housekeeper.

MUSIC:

Bridge to next scene.

SFX:

(As music fades) Door opens

Margaret:

Is that you, Jim?

Jim:

Yes, dear, I'm home. Just put your things down there for a minute, Mrs. Collins. Collins: O.K. Nice lookin' place, ain't it?

Jim:

It's, ah, it's comfortable.

Margaret:

(Entering) The children are all upstairs and as soon as you're ready we'll have... (Seeing Mrs. Collins) Well, hello.

Collins:

Hi!

Jim:

Margaret, ah, this is, ah, Mrs. Collins.

Margaret:

Oh? How do you do.

Collins:

Well, to tell ya the truth, I ain't doin' so good. My feet are killing me and I gotta pain in my back that I wouldn't wish on to my first husband.

Margaret:

I see. Um, Jim, will you come out into the kitchen with me for a moment. I'd like to speak to you.

Collins:

Hey - ya got a piana. Ah, that's nice. I always like a house where they got a piana. Shows culture. And if there's one thing I'm just nuts about, it's culture.

Jim:

Well, ah, just make yourself at home, Mrs. Collins. We'll only be a minute.

SFX:

Footsteps during next line

Collins:

Oh, that's O.K. You don't have to worry about me. I got plenty of time. Ha-ha-ha.

SFX:

Door opens, door closes

Margaret:

Jim Anderson!

Jim:

Now wait a minute, Margaret. I can explain the whole thing.

Margaret:

I don't want any explanation and I don't want a housekeeper. I told you that this morning.

Jim:

But honey, I, ah, I hired her last night. I thought you'd be very happy.

Margaret:

Ohhh - I am. I'm the happiest woman in the whole world. And I want you to get that person out of my house.

Jim:

Oh, angel, it isn't worth quarreling about. Nothing is.

Margaret:

I know, Jim. But .. (sigh) Our home's too small for a housekeeper. We don't need one.

Jim:

Now Margaret, Mrs. Collins can be a great help. Don't you see, Margaret, she's a diamond in the rough. Mrs. Collins is very competent. Why in one year she worked for nine of the best families in Springfield.

Margaret:

Only nine? She certainly gets around, doesn't she?

Jim:

Well, they just didn't understand her. With a little training she can be one of the best housekeepers in the whole town. She said so herself.

Margaret:

Jim, if we ever take a trip to New York will you promise one thing? Don't pay more than $50.00 for the Brooklyn Bridge.

SFX:

Door opens

Collins:

(Entering) Hey! Ain't you two finished talking yet? It's gettin' late I gotta get dinner rollin'.

Margaret:

Mrs. Collins, I've been talking to my husband...

Collins:

Why don't you talk to him in the parlor? It's becoming dinner time and I've got work to do. Hey! Some kitchen.

Margaret:

Jim.

Jim:

Well, alright Margaret. Mrs. Collins, I'm awfully sorry but we've decided that, ah, well, after all, you really won't be comfortable sleeping the den...

Collins:

Oh stop worrying about it will, ya? I got it all figured out. We can move, ah, what's your boy's name?

Jim:

You mean Bud?

Collins:

Yeah, Bud. We can switch him into the den. I move into his room and everybody's happy.

Margaret:

Well, it's not quite that simple, Mrs. Collins. I told my husband this morning...

Collins:

Hey, wait a minute. When have you been eatin' breakfast? Jim: Well, at eight o'clock. But it really isn't gonna make any difference because...

Collins:

Well, from now on breakfast is gonna be at seven o'clock.

Jim:

Now see here, Mrs. Collins.

Margaret:

Wait, Jim. This is becoming very interesting. What else, Mrs. Collins?

Collins:

Well, I ain't nobody's personal maid so everybody hangs up his own stuff. And if I find any pants hangin' on the back of the chair don't be surprised if I just chuck ?"em out the window.

Jim:

Well, don't look at me, Margaret, I don't leave my pants on the chair.

Margaret:

No? Go ahead Mrs. Collins. I think I'm beginning to like the whole idea.

Collins:

Well, I don't mind if ya invite folks for dinner. Matter of fact, I like company. But I gotta have 48 hours notice.

Margaret:

That seems logical.

Jim:

Wait a minute. What if it's impossible? What if somebody comes in from out of town.

Collins:

Take ?"em to a restaurant. There's lots of restaurants in Springfield.

Jim:

Margaret, if you think I'm gonna stand here and...

Margaret:

Jim, please. Mrs. Collins was talking.

Collins:

Oh, that's O.K. (Laugh). I've finished any way. Now why don't you two kids just go inside and relax and I'll start fixin' up the food.

Margaret:

Alright, Mrs. Collins. Come on, KID.

Jim:

Margaret, this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If you think I'm gonna...

Margaret:

Jim, you heard Mrs. Collins. We've gotta go inside and relax.

Collins:

That's right. Take it easy. I got everything under control.

SFX:

Door opens Margaret: Come on, Jim. Mrs. Collins has work to do.

SFX:

Door closes

Jim:

Margaret, that woman's impossible!

Margaret:

Oh, I don't think so, dear. She's a , um. diamond in the rough. Remember?

Jim:

Yeah. But how rough can you get? She wasn't anything like that when I talked to her last night.

Margaret:

Well, we'll try it for a while. That's what you want, isn't it?

Jim:

Margaret, I'm going into the kitchen and fire her right now.

Margaret:

Why Jim, that wouldn't be fair. She's worked for nine of the finest families in Springfield. And with the Edwards coming to dinner...

Jim:

Oh, she can't be around them?

Margaret:

Wasn't that the general idea? We've got to, ah, impress the Edwards. And unless I'm very much mistaken, (sarcastically) they'll be impressed.

Jim:

Oh Margaret, every...

SFX:

Door opens

Collins:

(Calling) Hey, Jim!

Jim:

Jim?

Collins:

Get the kids down. Soup's on!

MUSIC:

Theme up and play to end.

(Applause)

 

Anncr:

Well, that was quite an about face for mother Anderson. If only father would have talked to her first, there wouldn't have been any argument. And the way things are going, it doesn't look she'll brook any arguments from father.

And I don't think I'll run into any argument on this point: I say when you buy coffee, just one thing means real value. It's flavor. The flavor you get for your money. And extra flavor is what you get in our Maxwell House coffee. That wonderful, good-to-the-last-drop flavor no other coffee has to offer. No coffee but Maxwell House. And here's why that's so. It's our recipe. The only recipe under the sun for that good-to-the-last-drop flavor. It calls for certain fine varieties of coffee blended together a very particular way. It's the only way, the only recipe for that famous Maxwell House flavor. That extra flavor that's made our coffee America's favorite brand. So, today when you really want the most in flavor for every penny you spend, Maxwell House is now more than ever your coffee buy. Just open up that familiar blue tin of Maxwell House tomorrow. See how much enjoyment, how much real value you get from the coffee that's always good-to-the-last drop.

MUSIC:

Theme up and then fade for---

Anncr:

A day has past as days have a habit of doing and once again it's dinner time in the white frame house on Maple Street. This time, however, it's a special dinner with company, the children are stashed away in the breakfast nook and a uniformed housekeeper is there to wait on the table. Mr. Edwards, president of the Springfield Chamber of Commerce, says:

Harry:

In the last fours years, Anderson, bank clearances in the greater Springfield area have increased a total of almost 9.2 percent. And that's progress!

Anncr:

To which Jim Anderson replied:

Jim:

It certainly is, Mr. Edwards. That's, ah, progress if I ever heard it.

Anncr:

At which point the new housekeeper, Mrs. Collins, observed:

Collins:

Now why don't you two stop gabbin' and eat your soup.

Margaret:

Mrs. Collins, I think I smell something burning in the kitchen. Collins: Ah, it's your imagination, dearie. Everything's all cooked. Say Jim--

Jim:

Yes, Mrs. Collins?

Collins:

If it's alright could I take off this funny lookin' cap? I don't mind the uniform but the cap's drivin' me nuts.

Jim:

Mrs. Collins, why don't you wait in the KITCHEN until we call you?

Collins:

I can't hear anything in the kitchen. What ya wanna do, talk about me? Go ahead. I don't mind.

Margaret:

I think you'd better go into the kitchen.

Collins:

O.K. If that's the way you want it. Ya finished, Mrs. Edwards?

Grace:

Yes, thank you.

Collins:

Look dearie, if I was you I'd lay off the bread. With a shape like yours it's murder.

Grace:

(Indignant) Well, really!

Jim:

Mrs. Collins, will you PLEASE go into the kitchen?

Collins:

O.K. I can take a hint. (Fading) Yell if ya want me.

Jim:

I'm sorry, Mr. Edwards. You were saying something about progress.

Harry:

I was? Oh, yes, yes. I was, wasn't I. I think the Chamber of Commerce feels that it's contribution to the progress of greater Springfield---

SFX:

Phone starts to ring near end of last line and continues until answered.

Collins:

(Off) Never mind. I'll get it.

Jim:

Keep right on Mr. Edwards. It's, ah, very interesting.

Harry:

What is?

Jim:

Well, ah, whatever you were going to say.

Collins:

(Off - answering phone) Hello! Oh, hello, Bessy. Go ahead folks, it's for me. Ah, what's cookin' Bess? (Continues conversation under next few lines - Yes, Uh-huhs - that kind of thing.)

Margaret:

Umm - hasn't the weather been beautiful, Mrs. Edwards?

Grace:

I haven't noticed, really. When you're as busy as I am - you know, club work and charities...

Harry:

Yes, indeed, Grace manages to keep herself pretty busy. Ha-ha! It's getting so I have to make an appointment to see her myself.

Jim:

(Collins ends phone conversation during this line) You, ah, don't have any children, do you Mr. Edwards.

Harry:

No, I'm sorry to say Mrs. Edwards and I have never been blessed.

Collins:

That was my cousin Bessy on the phone. She's just a scream. (Laughs)

Margaret:

I'm sure she must be, Mrs. Collins. And I believe we're ready for the next course.

Collins:

You know she was just telling me...

Margaret:

Mrs. Collins, we're ready for the next course!

Collins:

O.K. I heard ya.

SFX:

Door opens

Kathy:

Mother, when I finish my desert may I go over...

Collins:

Kathy, you get back inside where you belong. Can't ya see we got company?

Kathy:

Yes, ma'am.

SFX:

Door closes

Collins:

That's the trouble with kids now-a-days, they don't know their place. Shove your plate over, will ya, Jim.

SFX:

Phone rings until answered

Jim:

I'll answer it, Mrs. Collins.

Collins:

Now you stay right where you are. What do you think you're payin' me for?

Margaret:

That's a reasonable question, isn't it Jim?

Collins:

O.K. O.K. I'm comin'. Hello.

Jim:

Yes, indeed, you get a couple of kids in the house and you're...

Collins:

Oh hello, Mickey.

Jim:

Yes, indeed.

Collins:

I did, huh. What did it pay? Fifteen forty! Hey, that's alright. Now listen, put $5.00 down on Little Jeff in the fourth at Bay Meadows. Yeah five bucks. To win. O.K., Mickey. I'll give ya a growl tomorrow.

Grace:

Well!

Margaret:

Um, Mrs. Collins has an endless assortment of talent, hasn't she, Jim?

Jim:

Alright, Margaret, you don't have to rub it in.

Margaret:

Just a little gem my husband brought home for polishing.

Harry:

Mrs. Anderson, I'm afraid that we...

Collins:

That's alright isn't it? Fifteen forty for two. I sure can pick ?"em can't I? Any of you kids play the races?

Grace:

Harry, I have an awful headache.

Harry:

I know, dear. The way I feel, a headache would be a relief.

Margaret:

Mrs. Collins, if nothing more important comes up in the next few minutes, could we please have some food?

Collins:

O.K. But take it from me, your skippin' a good thing if you miss Little Jeff in the fourth tomorrow.

Jim:

Mrs. Collins, if you don't hurry up we'll be ready to eat Little Jeff tonight.

Collins:

Good, Jim! O.K. The roast beef is comin' up.

MUSIC:

Theme bridge to next scene

SFX:

Door opens

Grace:

Goodnight, Mrs. Anderson. It was a lovely evening. One I'll never forget.

Margaret:

Well, I'm sure of that.

Harry:

Goodnight Anderson, and Mrs. Anderson. It was a, umm, well, goodnight.

Margaret:

Goodnight.

Jim:

Goodnight, sir. We'll, ah, have to get together again real soon.

Harry:

(Unenthusiastically) Yes, yes, indeed. Yes. Sometime soon. Goodnight.

SFX:

Door closes

(Silence)

 

Margaret:

Quiet, isn't it.

Jim:

(Apologetically) Margaret, I ah, I don't know what to say. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. I think that woman's insane.

Margaret:

No, dear. She's just, well, uninhibited.

Jim:

Hmpf.

Margaret:

She likes to speak her mind.

Jim:

What mind? She's got the brain of a half-witted hyena. And if she had the least bit of decency she's give it back.

Margaret:

Jim.

Jim:

What?

Margaret:

Did you see the look on Mrs. Edwards face when Collins told her she needed a new girdle? (Laughs).

Jim:

Oh, that was nothing. You should have seen Edwards when she told him he could use one, too.

Margaret:

(Laughing) Jim, I can't help it, but I think they're two of the stuffiest people I've ever met. (Continues laughing)

Jim:

She told Edwards, she said she (breaks up laughing.)

(Both are laughing now.)

 

Collins:

(Entering) Well, everybody's having a good time, huh.

(All three laugh)

 

Collins:

That's what I like - people laughin' and enjoyin' themselves. Ya live longer that way.

Jim:

Mrs. Collins, I'd like to speak to you if I may.

Collins:

Talks nice, don't he? Go ahead, kid!

Jim:

Thank you. Mrs. Collins, I'm not usually one to complain, but...

Collins:

Complain! Well, go right ahead. If ya feel ya got a beef coming, just spread it right out. That's the way it outta be. Everything out in the open. All the cards right out there on the table.

Jim:

Right. Now Mrs. Collins...

Collins:

No, I don't go for this "stabbin' in the back" routine. Ya got any complaints I wanna hear ?"em. It's your house. I'm working for you. And anything ya don't like all ya gotta do is just tell me.

Jim:

HOW?

Margaret:

Jim, you'll wake the children.

Collins:

Ya don't have ta yell at me. Just talk and I'll listen.

Jim:

Mrs. Collins, there are a great many things I could say. And a great many ways in which I could say them. But since all of the things I have to say and all of the ways in which I would say them add up to one and the self-same thing, I say to you now from the very bottom of my heart: YOU ARE FIRED!

Collins:

Jim, ya know in my whole life that's the nicest way I ever got canned. Well, I gotta go to bed.

Margaret:

Just a moment, Mrs. Collins. I'm afraid you don't understand. My husband fired you. You don't work here anymore.

Collins:

I know. I ain't "deef". But I still gotta go to sleep.

Jim:

You will not sleep here, Mrs. Collins. We want you to go away. Now. You're discharged. You're the most discharged person we have ever had in this house. (Raising his voice) Now, will you please pack up your things and get out!

Collins:

Jim, I'm surprised at ya. A smart man like you with a nice home and a nice family. You outta know more about the law. You can't fire me. I gotta have a week's notice.

Jim:

I, ah, I'm giving you a week's notice. I'll pay your wages for a whole week. Only please, go away.

Collins:

But I like it here. It ain't just the wages, Jim. I'm supposed to get room and board.

Jim:

I'll give you two weeks wages.

Collins:

Mmmmmm - I don't think so. You got a piana, and I can call my bookie on the phone and it's like a vacation with pay.

Jim:

Margaret---

Margaret:

Mrs. Collins, is there anything I can do to...

Collins:

Sure. Call me when breakfast is ready. (Laughs) Well, goodnight! I'll see ya all in the mornin', huh?

Jim:

Margaret.

Margaret:

Yes, dear.

Jim:

When they start giving out awards to the world's prized idiot, be sure and tell them about me.

Margaret:

Oh Jim, darling, you're an idiot. But you'd never take any prize.

Jim:

I certainly would.

Margaret:

Well, I won't argue dear. After all, father knows best!

MUSIC:

Bridge to commercial.

(Applause)

 

Anncr:

Well, father certainly plunged into that head-over-heels. Now, how sorry he is. It just goes to show it always pays to look before you leap.

On that score, when it comes to buying a pound of coffee, it certainly pays to look for flavor - the most in flavor for every penny you spend. After all, flavor is what you're paying for. And we don't think you can beat the famous flavor we pack into every pound of Maxwell House. But here's my point - air can steal coffee flavor. And ordinary containers like paper bags can't prevent roasted coffee from losing flavor, whether it's ground or whole bean. That's why we take our Maxwell house fresh and flavorful from the roasting oven and carefully vacuum pack it in the familiar blue tin. It's the only way you're guaranteed coffee that's fresh and full-flavored as the hour it was roasted. So be sure you get all the flavor and fragrance you pay for. Your money's worth, and more. You always will with Maxwell House coffee. Always good to the last drop.

MUSIC:

Bridge to next scene. Fade for:

Anncr:

This world is not so bad a world as some would like to make it. But whether good or whether bad depends on how we take it. A week's gone by and we find Jim Anderson walking down a busy street in Springfield.

SFX:

Fade in street ambiance - continue throughout scene. Add footsteps during:

Anncr:

The Chamber of Commerce is still dear to his heart, and he is not what you would call a particularly happy man. Like this.

SFX:

Footsteps fade during following:

Jim:

Serves me right, that's what it does. Make a fool of myself in front of Edwards. Spoil my chances of getting on the board. Gosh, I wanted that spot on the chamber of commerce. The speeches I could have made. About important things, too. Why, I could have said things like, uh: Ladies and gentlemen, it's an established fact that everybody wants a different thing. A farm, a store, a college education for their children or maybe they just want to retire and go fishing. But there's one thing everybody wants, security. And there's one way, one sure way, for each and everyone of us to get it. Save for your independence. Buy United States savings bonds. That's what I could have told them. I could have said, buy bonds automatically if you can on the payroll savings plan. Or the bond-a-month plan at your bank. They're like cash on hand and they return you four dollars for every three you invest. Buy United States savings bonds. Save for your independence. And start now. Then I could have said...

Harry:

(Off) I say, Anderson!

Jim:

Huh? Oh, hello Mr. Edwards. I, ah, I didn't see you.

Harry:

I thought if you, ah, weren't in any great hurry we might take a stroll together. A little matter has come up that I'd like to discuss with you.

Jim:

Why, of course, Mr. Edwards. It'll be a very great pleasure.

Harry:

You know, Anderson, we never did get down to a discussion of business at your house the other night.

Jim:

Mr. Edwards, I, ah, wanted to explain about that. You see...

Harry:

Tut, tut, my boy. No need to explain. I understand completely. As you know, Anderson, there's a vacancy on the Board of the Chamber of Commerce and well, umm, it's yours, if you want it.

Jim:

If I want it? Mr. Edwards, of course I want it. And thank you very much.

Harry:

Oh, it's nothing, nothing at all. Tell me, Anderson, that Mrs. Collins, is she still with you?

Jim:

Nooo! We finally got rid of her this morning.

Harry:

That's too bad.

Jim:

I don't think we could have taken it another day. She had the whole family waiting on her hand and foot all week.

Harry:

I see. You wouldn't know how I could get in touch with her, do you?

Jim:

Well, I might. I think she left a forwarding address with Margaret. But why?

Harry:

Well, I, ah, wouldn't want this to get around, Anderson.

Jim:

Of course not. I won't say a word.

Harry:

Well, I, ah, followed that bit of advice Mrs. Collins gave me about Little Jeff, you know. And I won sixty-four dollars!

MUSIC:

Theme up and play to end.

(Applause)

 

Anncr:

Did you know that now there's an instant coffee with roaster-fresh pure coffee flavor? It's instant Maxwell House. The instant coffee with the famous flavor. The happiest combination in coffee. Wonderful good-to-the-last-drop flavor combined with the convenience and thrift of coffee made instantly in the cup. Unlike most instant coffees, it's all rich, pure coffee. Nothing added. Tomorrow, try the instant coffee with the famous flavor. Instant Maxwell House. Instantly good to the last drop.

MUSIC:

Theme up, and then under for:

Anncr:

Join us again next week when we'll be back with Father Knows Best starring Robert Young as Jim Anderson, with Roy Bargy and the Maxwell House orchestra, and yours truly, Bill Foreman. Don't forget, membership cards for the Robert Young good drivers club are waiting for you at your local NBC station. Get a man-to-man or dad-to-daughter pledge and sign up today. Be a good driver. Get your membership card in the Robert Young Good Drivers Club today. And now, until next Thursday, good night and good luck from the makers of Maxwell House, America's favorite brand of coffee. Always good to the last drop.

Father Knows Best was transcribed in Hollywood and written by Ed James. Now stay tuned for Screen Guild Theatre which follows immediately over most of these stations.

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