Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Life of Riley
Show: The Rileys' First Date
Date: Nov 17 1950

ANNCR:

Internationally famous Pabst Blue Ribbon, the finest beer served anywhere, proudly presents...The Life Of Riley! Staring Wiliam Bendix as Riley.

GUY:

Whaddlya have?

ANNCR:

Pabst Blue Ribbon - What'll you have?

GUY:

Pabst Blue Ribbon!

MUSIC:

PABST JINGLE

ANNCR:

What'll you have? Pabst Blue Ribbon!

MUSIC:

OPENING THEME, THEN UNDER

ANNCR:

And now, The Life Of Riley

MUSIC:

OPENING TRANSITION

ANNCR:

Being a father in this hectic, modern world, and coping with the problems of teenage youth, is a bewildering task for even the most intelligent of fathers. So you can imagine the trouble a man of Chester A. Riley's mentality goes through.

FX:

DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS UNDER

RILEY:

Oh hi doll - sorry I'm late, I hadda put in some overtime. Boy, supper's ready! Okay, let's eat!

PEG:

Oh Riley, I'm so glad you're home.

RILEY:

Oh, what's up?

PEG:

It's junior. That son of yours is just impossible! He's been actin' like a lunatic.

RILEY:

Uh huh - When he starts actin' like a lunatic, he's my son, huh? So what's he done now?

PEG:

Well he made a date with Linda Walker across the street, to take her to a dance tonight.

RILEY:

Well there's nothin' wrong with that - it's time he had his first real date, he...

PEG:

I know, but...

RILEY:

After all, he'll soon be fourteen - when a boy gets to be his age, he starts ta... Well, he feels... He begins ta... (Pause) I could explain this much better if he was a bee, or a bird.

PEG:

Would you listen to me a minute? I want him to go on this date, but he won't go. He wants to call the whole thing off at the last minute.

RILEY:

Why, don't he like her?

PEG:

He's crazy about her. He's just scared - he's scared of girls!

RILEY:

(Laughs) The kid's no fool!

PEG:

Oh, stop bein' so smart - it's no laughing matter. He's just petrified. And if you just try to talk to him, he gets hysterical. And Mrs. Walker's been phoning every five minutes. Now Linda's all dressed up, waiting for him to call for her - Do something!

RILEY:

Now don't get exited - I'll have a talk with him - I know how to handle boys. Junior!

FX:

FOOTSTEPS UNDER

RILEY:

Oh, there you are. Now what's all this I hear about this dance?

JUNIOR:

I'm not goin'.

RILEY:

Well, why not?

JUNIOR:

I don't wanna talk about it.

RILEY:

Now look here - It's silly to be scared of girls, believe me. Girls are just like boys... only they're... well they're girls... (PAUSE) Nothin' to be scared of.

JUNIOR:

Well I'm not scared - I just don't feel like goin'.

RILEY:

Yeah, 'cause you're scared. But ya got no reason to be, it's childish. When I took your mother out on our first date, was I scared of her? Of course not. Now yes, but then no!

JUNIOR:

I'm not goin', that's all.

RILEY:

Well, why're you so shy? You've got nothin' to be shy about, Junior. After all, you've got my looks, my... eh... lemme put it another way. (PAUSE)

JUNIOR:

I'm not goin! I'm not goin!

RILEY:

Now now now take it easy Junior, you don't have to get hysterical. Let's talk this over calm without shoutin'.

JUNIOR:

(QUIETLY) I don't wanna go.

RILEY:

(SHOUTING) You will too go! I'm still your father and I say you go, and you'll do it!

JUNIOR:

(ALSO SHOUTING NOW, OVERLAPPING RILEY) I won't! I won't! I won't go and you can't make me!

RILEY:

I'll make you go Junior!

FX:

DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS

PEG:

Why heaven's sake Riley...

RILEY:

Oh...That son of yours is drivin' me crazy.

PEG:

Well, shoutin' isn't gonna help. Now let's talk this over quietly.

RILEY:

Yeah, you talk. I'm through! I wash my hands off 'a him.

PEG:

Oh, Riley, he's just got to go to that dance with Linda!

RILEY:

Well, he won't, so let him take the consequences. He'll grow up. He'll be forty years old. And he won't know the first thing about women. His kids'll laugh at him. (PAUSE) I'm through - you can't reason with him.

FX:

FOOTSTEPS LEAVING

PEG:

Oh, now Junior dear - I know how ya' feel, but it's perfectly natural. Everybody's scared on their first big date.

JUNIOR:

Well pop wasn't.

PEG:

He wasn't??

JUNIOR:

That's what he says. Aw, I guess there's somethin' wrong with me. I feen awful.

PEG:

Now that's ridiculous - you're a perfectly normal boy. And just let me tell you about the first date I had with your father. He worked in my father's hardware store - back in Brooklyn, and I used to help out there part time, but he hardly ever spoke to me...

MUSIC:

REMEMBERANCE MUSIC UNDER...

PEG:

He was living with his mother then, and (AWAY FROM MIKE) I remember one time...

MUSIC:

UP, THEN OUT

(YOUNGER RILEY AND PEG VOICES STARTING HERE)

 

MOM:

Do you want some more coffee, Chester?

RILEY:

Oh no thanks mom, I'll be late for work - Old man Barker'll skin me alive. I'll see ya tonight - I'll be home early mom.

MOM:

You're always home early, Chester - a boy your age ought to go out more.

RILEY:

Well, I always go out after supper...

MOM:

Oh, you're always in bed by nine - you ought to be going out with girls.

RILEY:

Well gee whiz mom, gimme time - I'm only twenty one!

MOM:

Isn't there some girl you like?

RILEY:

Well, yeah. That Peggy Barker.

MOM:

Your bosses daughter?

RILEY:

Yeah. I see her around the store sometimes. Gee, she's so pretty. Every time I look at her I get sort of an empty feelin' inside of me.

MOM:

Awww, son - you're in love.

RILEY:

Well I dunno - as soon as I eat, it goes away.

MOM:

Well...Why don't you ask her for a date?

RILEY:

Oh, I couldn't do that! Gee, I hardly ever spoke to her.

MOM:

Why not for mercy's sake? You see her every day.

RILEY:

Well, I dunno, I just get scared. I think of lots of clever things to say to her, but everytime I open my mouth, all that comes out is...GUNG!

MOM:

Now that's silly. There's nothing to be scared of. You ask her for a date today!

RILEY:

I dunno - Even if she said yes, where would I get the dough? If I only got a raise...

MOM:

You won't get one unless you ask for it! And you're afraid to open your mouth. After all, you're not a kid any longer - you've got to assert yourself!

RILEY:

Yeah - you're right mom! I'll ask old man Barker for a raise today!

MOM:

That's my boy! And then you ask Peggy to go out with you!

RILEY:

Oh, I dunno - I'll see.

MOM:

Oh, what's the matter with you? Don't you want to get married someday, and have a home, and babies?

RILEY:

Well sure I do.

MOM:

Well, you'll never do it, unless you go out with girls.

RILEY:

Yeah, I know. But I sure wish there was an easier way!

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

FX:

DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS UNDER

PEG:

Oh - Good morning Chester.

RILEY:

Oh! Miss Barker. Good morning, ma'am! Uh...well...I...(GULP)...I uh...Well, it was nice talkin' to ya. I'll see ya later.

FX:

FOOTSTEPS UNDER PREVIOUS LINE

PEG:

Oh wait a minute Chester, don't run off like that.

RILEY:

Well...I...I've got work to do.

PEG:

You don't like me, do you?

RILEY:

Like?...Uh...But I do, honest.

PEG:

Well, you never want to talk to me - you're always rushing off somewhere.

RILEY:

Well I said Good Morning...

PEG:

Is that ALL you've got to say to me?

RILEY:

Oh no - There's lotsa things I'd like to say to you!

PEG: Like...what?

RILEY:

Well, like... uh... GUNG!

PEG:

I don't think you really like me after all...

RILEY:

But I do! Oh, don't go away! ... Peggy...

PEG:

Yes, Chester?

RILEY:

Well. I was thinkin'... Maybe you and me... That is, if you'd like to... we might, the two of us... Some night - if you're not busy, I was hopin' you might like to... 'Course if you're tied up, I understand, no hard feelings. Some other time.

PEG:

Chester. Are you asking me for a DATE?

RILEY:

NO! uh...I mean... I mean...maybe. But first I gotta see your father. Excuse me.

FX:

FOOTSTEPS UNDER PREVIOUS LINE

FX:

KNOCK ON DOOR

BARKER:

(GRUFFLY) Come in.

FX:

DOOR OPENS, FOOTSTEPS UNDER

RILEY:

Mr. Barker sir, can I see you a minute?

BARKER:

Make it snappy Riley, there's a store to look after.

RILEY:

Well sir, it's this way - I...I've been workin' for you over a year now, and I was thinking... that is if you could see your way clear to... maybe you might... uh, just a small... Not that I'm really worth... I know times are tough - business has fallen off an...

BARKER: Taxes, and overhead, and... I see your point, no hard feelings, some other time... (PAUSE) Just a minute Riley! Are you asking me for a raise!?

RILEY:

Oh NO! ... But... As long as you've brought the subject up, I thought maybe...

BARKER:

Well, times ARE tough, but I'll give you three dollars more a week, that'll make it eighteen. You're really not worth that much.

RILEY:

Yeah, but I'm getting eighteen now!

BARKER:

You are?

RILEY:

Yeah.

BARKER:

Well that ought to be enough money for a young man without responsibilities. It'd be different if you were a married man.

RILEY:

Well I would like to get married.

BARKER:

Have you got a girl?

RILEY:

Well yeah, sorta. I can't afford to take her out much unless I get a raise though.

BARKER:

Are you plannin' to marry her?

RILEY:

Yeah. If she'll have me. If I ever get enough money saved up.

BARKER:

Oh, Riley! Don't put off marriage on that account! Move in with your in-laws for the first year!

RILEY:

Well gee, I never thought of that - thanks, boss!

BARKER:

All right Riley, I'll raise you to twenty-five!

RILEY:

Twenty five!! Oh boy! Oh gee! Oh, thanks Mr. Barker, thanks boss.

BARKER:

Bring your girl around someday, I'd like to meet her.

RILEY:

Oh - you know her.

BARKER:

Well who is she?

RILEY:

Your daughter (Nervous laugh)

BARKER:

WHAT!? You've got your nerve! You have the gall to expect a girl like my Peggy to marry a miserable eighteen dollar a week clerk?

RILEY: Twenty Five! You just gave me a raise, remember? You're not gonna go back on your word, are ya' boss?

BARKER:

Okay - allright - the raise stands. You get twenty five.

RILEY:

Ah - thanks.

BARKER:

AND NOW YOU'RE FIRED!

RILEY:

Fired? I'll take eighteen.

BARKER:

Get out!

RILEY:

Seventeen?

BARKER:

You're FIRED!

RILEY:

What a revoltin' development this is!

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

ANNCR:

You have just heard the first act of The Life Of Riley, staring William Bendix as Riley. And now...





FIBBER:

Yeah, and they sure go back a lot farther than I figured. In fact, there's some at the bottom of the pile that I must have brought over from my parents home. This old yellow one - look at it. It's a real collector's item - that's the on that's got our birth announcements in it.

GUY:

Whaddlya have?

ANNCR:

Pabst Blue Ribbon - What'll you have?

GUY:

Pabst Blue Ribbon!

MUSIC:

PABST JINGLE 2

ANNCR:

Finest beer served - anywhere! Pabst Blue Ribbon! Prove it yourself - with a three way experts test.

One, your eyes are pleased with that blue ribbon clearness and sparkle.

Two, your nose is teased with the aroma of Blue Ribbon hops.

Three, your taste agrees...

MUSIC:

FINEST BEER SERVED, ANYWHERE... JINGLE

ANNCR:

What'll you have? Pabst Blue Ribbon!

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

(OLDER PEG VOICE IN THIS SECTION)

 

ANNCR:

And now back to the Life of Riley, starring William Bendix as Riley. With Paula Winslow and John Brown. Mrs. Riley is telling Junior the story of Riley's first date with her...

JUNIOR:

And Pop really got fired?

PEG:

Oh I begged my father to take him back, but your grandpa was... Well he just wouldn't listen. I didn't hear from Riley for quite a while, then one day, I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers.

JUNIOR:

From Pop??

PEG:

Well, he didn't sigh the card, but I knew from the poem he wrote on it that it must be from him. I still remember how it goes...

To you my darling Peggy, I send this bunch of roses.

To tell you that I love ya', from your head down to your toeses.

JUNIOR:

Oh, brother!!

PEG:

I guess it is pretty corny. But I didn't think so then. Oh my, I was so excited. Then when papa came home and did what he did, I was so furious... (OFF MIKE) I had just arranged the roses, when...

MUSIC:

REMEMBERANCE TRANSITION, STARTING UNDER PREVIOUS LINE

(BACK TO YOUNGER VOICES AGAIN)

 

BARKER:

Peggy - Peggy!

PEG:

Here papa - In the living room.

BARKER:

Oh...Oh, I've had a hard day.

PEG:

Oh papa - look at the beautiful roses.

BARKER:

Roses! You know I can't stand being around roses! They make me sneeze.

PEG:

Oh, it's just your imagination!

BARKER:

It certainly is nu... nu... (SNEEZES LOUDLY) That wasn't my imaginat... (SNEEZES AGAIN) Get rid of em!!

PEG:

No papa! Can't they stay in the kitchen? (DREAMY) They're from Chester.

BARKER:

Oh - that Riley oaf?

PEG:

He's not an oaf - I like him!

BARKER:

Well I du... (SNEEZES) I'm not gonna... (ALMOST SNEEZES) I'm not gonna be kept outa my own living room because of that nincompoo... poo... (SNEEZES) poop! ... He's just trying to get next to you so he can get his job back.

PEG:

Oh that's not true. He likes me! And I like him.

BARKER:

Well I don't, and I'm (ALMOST SNEEZES) I'm not gonna sneeze all night on account of him. Gimme those flowers.

PEG:

Papa! What're you doing??

BARKER:

They're going outta the window!

PEG:

Oh no papa, don't!

BARKER:

(SNEEZE)

MUSIC:

COMICAL TRANSITION

COP:

Hey there young man, just a minute.

RILEY:

Uh, ya mean me, officer?

COP:

Yes I do - what're you doing around here?

RILEY:

Oh, nothin', officer.

COP:

You've been hanging around outside this house for over an hour.

RILEY:

Well, I'm just waitin' for a girl...

COP:

She'll a little late for your date, isn't she?

RILEY:

Oh we haven't got a date. She doesn't even know I'm here. I'm just waitin' for her.

COP:

You haven't got a date, she doesn't know you're here, but you're waiting for her?

RILEY:

Yeah. I'm playin' it smart. See, I sent her flowers, then when she comes out, I'm gonna ask her for a date. That's her house up there. Hey, look! The window's opening! Maybe it's her! I hope she seen the flowers! Yeah - she's seen 'em, she just threw 'em out the window! (PAUSE) (CRUSHED) She threw 'em out the window? Oh no, she couldn't! You think this means she don't like me?

COP:

Son, why don't you go home?

RILEY:

Officer, is that a gun? ... Shoot me, will ya?

COP:

Aw, now, now... take it easy!

RILEY:

I don't wanna go on living without her.

COP:

Go home son - get a good night's sleep.

RILEY:

Well how can I sleep? Boy I'd like to tell her what I think a' her. I'd tell her plenty. And I will to - first chance I get - I'm gonna tell her off. Boy will I tell her! I'll say to her, I'll say...

PEG:

(APPROACHING) Oh Chester!

RILEY:

Uh... GUNG!

PEG:

Chester! I didn't know you were out here!

RILEY:

Well you've got your nerve, throwin' my flowers outta the window.

PEG:

Oh but Chester, I...

RILEY:

A dozen beautiful roses, and you throw 'em outta the window.

PEG:

Oh Chester, I...

RILEY:

I don't even wanna talk to you, now beat it.

COP:

Now now, that's no way to talk to a young lady!

RILEY:

Oh no? After what she done to my flowers? Officer, you don't know the trouble I went through steelin' em. (PAUSE) Some dumb cop almost caught me. Oh. Oh I take it back, I didn't mean that, he was a smart cop - I mean... I ... Okay, lock me up.

COP:

Well now I dunno - that'd be letting you off easy. I think I've got a worse punishment for you. You stay here with your girl, kiss and make up, and get married. (CHUCKLES) Good night. (LEAVES)

PEG:

Oh, Chester - I didn't through your flowers away.

RILEY:

You didn't?

PEG:

No, papa did. He has rose fever. I came down to get 'em back. (DREAMY) I thought they were beautiful.

RILEY:

Gee Peggy, did ya? Oh it's wonderful to see ya' again.

PEG:

Then why didn't I hear from you sooner? I thought you were gonna ask me for a date.

RILEY:

Yeah, well I wanted to get a job first. (EXCITED) And I got a swell one! I can take you out to a real classy joint now! ... If you'd like to go with me... Uh, maybe you don't want to. Well... No hard feelings... some other time.

PEG:

I'd love to go with you.

RILEY:

You would? Honest?

PEG:

Of course.

RILEY:

Aw gee - I never thought I'd have a date with you. I mean you go out with fellas like Sidney Monahan, he makes big dough, and he drives a Hupmobile, and everything.

PEG: Oh, I'd rather go out with you, anytime.

RILEY:

You really mean that?

PEG:

This is how much I mean it. (KISS)

RILEY:

Peggy! Ya' kissed me! Oh Peggy, this is the first time I was ever kissed!

PEG:

But Chester! You're Twenty-one!

RILEY:

Yeah I know! And believe me, if I'd have known it felt like this I'd have done it a lot sooner!

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

RILEY:

Ya havin' a good time Peggy?

PEG:

Oh, wonderful! That was the best dinner I ever had. And the floor show was something marvelous.

RILEY:

Oh yeah - that Bubbles la'Tour is some dancer, huh?

PEG:

Oh, but I hate to think what the check's gonna come to.

RILEY:

Oh, don't you worry about that - what's money? Easy come, easy go!

PEG:

Yes, but this club Morocco is awful expensive.

RILEY:

Aw, I got more than enough. I'm workin'! I gots a bundle on me! Look - fifteen smackers! You stop worryin' about money. When you go out when Chester Riley, you're goin' out with a sport!

PEG:

Well, It's getting late, Chester - maybe we'd better go.

RILEY:

Hey wait a minute! Isn't that Sidney Monahan over there?

PEG:

Where?

RILEY:

He's comin' this way - Hey Sidney! Oh boy, he'll be surprised to see me here.

SIDNEY:

Why hi there Peggy!

PEG:

Oh, hello Sidney.

SIDNEY:

And Riley. Humph - what're you doin' here?

RILEY:

Oh, Peggy and me are doin' the town.

SIDNEY:

Oh, really steppin' out, huh?

RILEY:

Yep.

SIDNEY:

Well, lemme treat ya' to somethin' good. Oh waiter!

RILEY:

Oh no, no - let me do the buyin' Sidney! Sit down a while.

SIDNEY:

Well thanks - but I'd better get back to my table - I'm with some friends in the other room.

RILEY:

Well, I'll buy your friends a drink too - Oh waiter!

WAITER:

(SURLY) Yes sir?

RILEY:

A drink for everybody at my friend's table, on my check.

SIDNEY:

Oh, but Riley...

RILEY:

Now now, I insist. What're ya drinkin', Sidney?

WAITER:

Champaigne?

RILEY:

I...er, uh... Pabst Blue Ribbon for my friend's table!

WAITER:

Yes, sir.

SIDNEY:

Well, thanks, Riley!

RILEY:

Don't mention it.

SIDNEY:

Well, see ya around! So long Peggy.

PEG:

Goodbye Sidney.

RILEY:

So long!

PEG:

Oh, Chester. You didn't have to treat Sidney and his friends.

RILEY:

Why not. Sidney ain't the only one who can be a show-off. Well, let's go Peggy. Oh waiter - a check please.

WAITER:

Yeah, here ya' are sir.

RILEY:

Well let's see... Eight, ten, twelve... twelve dollars and ten cents - here ya' are - fifteen dollars - keep the change.

WAITER:

Well thank you sir.

RILEY:

Well let's go, Peggy.

WAITER:

And here's the check for the beer for the other party.

RILEY:

(SHEEPISHLY) Oh well I thought it was on the same... Ninety Five Bottles!!

WAITER:

It's a class reunion.

RILEY:

Nineteen Dollars!

WAITER:

Yessir - same as at your grocer. And your grocer don't have Bubbles la'Tour.

RILEY:

Yeah - well...well, we ain't goin' yet - bring us some more coffee.

WAITER:

Yessir - coffee.

RILEY:

Yeah, and put an aspirin in it too.

PEG:

Oh, Chester. You don't have enough money.

RILEY:

(SHAKEN) Well don't worry about money - when you're out with Chester Riley you're out with a sport. (PAUSE) 'scuse me a minute, I gotta phone my mother.

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

RILEY:

(TALKING ON PHONE) Yeah but Mrs. Wilson, I gotta talk to my mother, it's very important. Where did she go? (PAUSE) To the movies? But I gotta get in touch with her. Listen - will you please go to the movies and find her, and tell her to come right down to the club Morocco? (PAUSE) Yeah, the club Morocco, and to bring nineteen dollars with her? ( PAUSE) Yeah...and sixty cents. Thanks!

FX:

PHONE HANGING UP

RILEY:

Oh, if I don't get that dough, I'll be carried outa here feet-first.

DIGGER:

In that case, we'll need help.

RILEY:

Digger, it's you!

DIGGER:

Yes, it is I indeed - Digby O'Dell. The Friendly Undertaker.

RILEY:

Oh, Digger, am I glad to see you. You're a life-saver!

DIGGER:

That's the first time I've been called that.

RILEY:

I'm short nineteen dollars for my check.

DIGGER:

Oh my - you're in a tight spot Riley. This club is run by some of the toughest gangsters in town. If you don't pay up, they'll give me the business.

RILEY:

Nah - you mean they'll give ME the business.

DIGGER:

When they give YOU the business, they give ME the business.

RILEY:

Digger, can you lend me the dough?

DIGGER:

I'm awfully sorry, I haven't that much on me.

RILEY:

Well couldn't ya' dig somethin' up for me?

DIGGER:

They wouldn't accept what I dig up. They want money.

RILEY:

Well I guess I'll have ta' wait for my mother to get down here.

DIGGER:

You'd better hurry - if you're here after ten, they slap a two dollar cover charge on you.

RILEY:

Two dollars! They gotta nerve!

DIGGER:

In my business, the cover charge is much higher.

RILEY:

Oh, suppose my mother don't come. I gotta get outa here.

DIGGER:

There're only two ways you'll get out of here. One is to sneak out the back...

RILEY:

Yeah, what is the other way.

DIGGER:

Let's not talk shop. (PAUSE) You'd better sneak out.

RILEY:

How?

DIGGER:

I know a way - through that door to your left, and then...wait, I'll draw you a diagram.

RILEY:

Oh, thanks Digger. If I make it, I'll meet you outside and give you a lift home.

DIGGER:

If you don't make it, I'll give YOU a lift home. (PAUSE) Well here's the diagram, and now you'd better be...shoveling off.

MUSIC:

DEATH-MARCH, INTO TRANSITION

RILEY:

Okay Peggy, ya ready? Let's go.

PEG:

But Chester, this check, it's...

RILEY:

Well don't worry about that now, it's all fixed...now let's get outta here.

FX:

FOOTSTEPS, UNDER NEXT SEQUENCE

PEG:

Not that way Chester, go to the right...

RILEY:

This way is shorter - come on Peggy. Hurry up, now through this door here.

FX:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

RILEY:

Now uh, come on...

PEG:

But Chester, are you sure this is the way out?

RILEY:

Yeah sure - come on through this door:

FX:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

BIZ:

KITCHEN VOICES "ONE CLUB ON RYE..."

FX:

POTS AND PANS

PEG:

Oh, this is the kitchen!

RILEY:

Well quick, right through here

FX:

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

PEG:

Chester - we're going the wrong way - this is where they wash the dishes!

RILEY:

Trust me, I know what I'm doin'. In here, quick!

FX:

FURNACE NOISES

PEG:

Oh, this is the furnace room.

RILEY:

Yeah, we're on the right track.

FX:

DOOR CLOSES (FURNACE NOISE ENDS)

RILEY:

Now up these steps... Hurry up Peg.

PEG:

But Chester...

RILEY:

I'll explain later - now through this door... And up this ladder. I'll go first - you follow me.

PEG:

Oh, Chester, It's so dark, I can't see!

RILEY:

Well hold onto me, we're almost at the top. There okay. Now where's that trap door? Oh I see it...(GRUNTS)

FX:

CREAKY DOOR

RILEY:

There - I'll get out first, and pull you up. Gimme your hand now...

PEG:

All right...

RILEY:

Ups-a-daisy... Here we are.

PEG:

Why, we're up on the roof!

RILEY:

Well don't worry, we can get down. There's a fire escape on the next building - here. Step out on this ledge.

PEG:

Why, how'll we get across? It's so wide!

RILEY:

It's only three feet - we'll jump.

PEG:

Oh...

FX:

RUNS AND JUMPS

RILEY:

There! Come on Peg, Jump.

PEG:

Oh...Chester!

RILEY:

Now don't be scared, it's a cinch! Come on!

FX:

RUNS AND JUMPS

RILEY:

Atta-girl! Now...Down the fire escape... Hurry!

FX:

CLATTER OF FIRE ESCAPE

PEG:

It doesn't go all the way down!

RILEY:

No, we have to have to drop down - hang onto the last rung and let yourself go. It's only twelve feet.

PEG:

Oh!

RILEY:

I'll go first and catch you!

PEG:

Oh Chester I...

FX:

DROPPING FROM FIRE ESCAPE

RILEY:

Okay Peg, let's go...Don't be scared...

FX:

DROPPING FROM FIRE ESCAPE

BOTH:

Sighs

RILEY:

There - we made it! ... Well - that was easy, huh?

PEG:

(OUT OF BREATH) Why did we have to go through all this?

RILEY:

(SHEEPISHLY) Well... to tell ya the truth, I didn't have enough money to pay the check...

PEG:

But Chester!! While you were gone, I paid the check!

RILEY:

(PAUSE) Huh!?!?

PEG:

I realized you didn't have any money, and I had...

RILEY:

Nah, nothin' doin - I don't take money from a girl! Let's go back.

PEG:

Oh! Now don't be silly, Chester. You'll pay me back...

RILEY:

Yeah, how? All that money? It'll take me years and years. (LONG PAUSE) (QUIETLY) Peggy... Will you marry me? (PAUSE) You'd better - it's the only way to get even!

MUSIC:

CLOSING TRANSITION

ANNCR:

The Rileys will be back in just a moment. But right now, let's talk turkey. Thanksgiving day turkey. Yes, the big tender roast turkey you're going to slice into at dinner next Thursday, along with those candied yams, those fresh peas and limas, dressing and gravy, all topped off with a cool foaming glass of sparkling clear Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. Brother, that's what I call a blue ribbon combination! Fine food, and the finest beer served. Anywhere. Yes, this Thursday, people all over America will be celebrating Thanksgiving. Just as everyday, people the world over enjoy internationally famous Pabst Blue Ribbon. It's the beer the whole world knows about! So when you're shopping for your Thanksgiving dinner, and the man says "What'll ya have?", wellll... Pabst Blue Ribbon! Don't settle for anything but the best! Tell 'em you want the world's number one favorite - The finest beer served. Anywhere.

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

(BACK TO THE OLDER VOICES HERE}

PEG:

So you see Junior, you're not the only boy who's scared on his first date. And if your father lived through it, you will too. Now you go call for Linda.

JUNIOR:

Oh, okay mom. Goodnight!

PEG:

Goodnight dear.

FX:

DOOR OPENS

RILEY:

Well - where're you goin; son?

JUNIOR:

To the dance.

RILEY:

Oh you changed your mind - now you're showin' some sense. Oh, I envy you son. There's nothin' like your first big date. What a thrill. I remember the first time I took your mother out.

JUNIOR:

Uh - Mom told me.

RILEY:

(PAUSE) Peg - you told him?

PEG:

Yes dear.

RILEY:

I mean...the truth?

PEG:

Of course!

RILEY:

Now you promised me you'd never breathe a word of what happened that night!

PEG:

Oh - don't be silly Riley.

RILEY:

Well, okay. You broke your promise. Just for that, you'll WAIT for that nineteen dollars I owe you!

MUSIC:

TRANSITION

RILEY:

Peg, you know somethin? You still inspire me to write poetry to you just the way you did on our first date.

PEG:

Oh - you've got another poem for me after all these years? How sweet.

RILEY:

Yeah, listen...

Next Thursday is Thanksgiving day, and I give thanks for you.

For all the food you bring my way, and the Pabst Blue Ribbon too.

You really cause my heart to sing, just like the happy birds,

And through the years I'll always cling to love's three little words.

PEG:

Oh Riley - three little words?

RILEY:

Yep.

PEG:

You mean - "I Love You" ?

RILEY:

Nah - I mean... "What'll ya have?" And I also mean "Pabst Blue Ribbon"!

GUY:

Whaddlya have?

ANNCR:

Pabst Blue Ribbon - What'll you have?

GUY:

Pabst Blue Ribbon!

MUSIC:

PABST JINGLE

ANNCR:

What'll you have? Pabst Blue Ribbon!

MUSIC:

CLOSING THEME, UNDER

ANNCR:

Pabst Blue Ribbon invites you to join us again next week, to hear the Life of Riley, starring William Bendix as Riley. Scripted by Reuben Shipp and Alan Mitchcock. Mrs. Riley is Paula Winslow, Digger O'Dell is John Brown, Junior is Bobby Ellis, Riley's mother is Jane Morgan, Riley's father-in-law is Alan Reed, Sidney Monahan is Lew Merrill, and the waiter is Herb Viger. The Life of Riley is produced by Irving Brecher.

The Life of Riley is brought to you by the Pabst Brewing company of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and sends your way the best wishes of Pabst Blue Ribbon dealers from coast to coast. See ya' next week! Jimmy Wallington speaking.

MUSIC:

THEME UP AND OUT.