Generic Radio Workshop Script Library (BACK)

Series: Four Star Playhouse
Show: The Incredible Annalee
Date: Aug 21 1951

Dramatis Personae:
ANNALEE BARKER, mercurial screwball comedy heroine
JIM MALVERN, long-suffering, dry-witted
PICKEREL, Jim's boss
GIRL'S VOICE (2 lines)
LT. COMMANDER THORNTON CARLYLE, big dumb American Southerner
plus a few small CROWDS

ANNOUNCER:

Here, transcribed, is another in NBC's outstanding parade of new shows -- "Four Star Playhouse" -- a repertory company of four great Hollywood stars!

MUSIC:

ACCENT

RUSSELL:

This is Rosalind Russell.

MUSIC:

ACCENT

MACMURRAY:

This is Fred MacMurray.

MUSIC:

ACCENT

YOUNG:

This is Loretta Young.

MUSIC:

ACCENT

CUMMINGS:

This is Robert Cummings.

MUSIC:

ACCENT ... THEN IN BG

ANNOUNCER:

Yes, these are the stars heard weekly on "Four Star Playhouse"!

MUSIC:

UP, FOR THEME ... THEN OUT

ANNOUNCER:

Ladies and gentlemen, one of our Four Star Players and star of tonight's play, Miss Rosalind Russell!

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

RUSSELL:

Thank you and welcome to our playhouse again. Every Sunday evening at this time, Fred MacMurray, Loretta Young, Robert Cummings and I appear in new dramatizations of stories selected from Cosmopolitan magazine, stories by the world's leading writers of popular fiction. Tonight, I am a very busy girl. Tonight, I play several people -- because, as Annalee Barker, wistful movie starlet trying to make up with energy for her lack of beauty, I have a hard time making up my mind just who I want to be. So I try to be every movie star I've ever seen since I was four -- and our evening's tour de force becomes a tour de farce. So hop on the merry-go-round for a dizzy whirl with a dizzy girl as we bring you Robert Carson's "The Incredible Annalee," with Frank Lovejoy as Jim.

MUSIC:

FOR AN INTRODUCTION ... THEN BEHIND--

JIM:

(NARRATES) My name is Jim Malvern and you'll be surprised to learn that I am not a private eye. I'm a public relations man with Imperial Pictures, Hollywood, California.

SOUND:

FADE IN OFFICE BACKGROUND ... CLACKING TYPEWRITER, ET CETERA

JIM:

(NARRATES) It's highly significant that I was in the middle of writing the word "stupendous" on my typewriter when Annalee Barker hurtled through my door with Mr. Pickerel, head of publicity.

ANNALEE:

(BEHIND DOOR; LOUD, FAST, AND TOTALLY OVER-THE-TOP CRAZY) Hallelujah!

SOUND:

OFFICE DOOR OPENS ... ANNALEE AND PICKEREL'S FOOTSTEPS IN

ANNALEE:

Hallelujah! They are hooked!

JIM:

(CONFUSED) Who are you?

SOUND:

OFFICE DOOR SHUTS

PICKEREL:

Miss Barker, please!

ANNALEE:

I hooked 'em! They signed the contract!

JIM:

Who did what?

PICKEREL:

Miss Barker, they'll hear ya down in the front office.

ANNALEE:

They signed a contract! I'm an actress, it says here! They start paying me tomorrow! Heigh-ho silver, mink and sable! ...

JIM:

What is this, Pickerel? A stunt publicizing "The Case of the Missing Marbles"?

ANNALEE:

Now, tell him, Pickerel! Inform him!

PICKEREL:

Jim, this is Annalee Barker--

ANNALEE:

(INTERRUPTS) Just call me Annalee! I'm practically a star now. Do you want me to pose for pictures? I've got my bathing suit on under this dress -- just in case! ...

JIM:

(DRY) Just happened to have one with ya?

ANNALEE:

That's right.

PICKEREL:

Annalee, this is Jim Malvern. Jim's gonna handle your publicity.

JIM:

With thick gloves.

ANNALEE:

My own publicity man! Oh, boy! I have come to high estate!

PICKEREL:

She's got a lot of animation, Jim, don't ya think?

JIM:

Might come from Benzedrene or something.

ANNALEE:

Oh, no, I come from Michigan. ... It's something in the water, you know. Oh, boy! My own publicity man! Gee, what if they find out I can't act?!

JIM:

Well, it'll be the usual routine. You'll be a star and you'll make a large salary for years.

ANNALEE:

(GRANDLY) I'll have a statement for the press -- for immediate release -- to wit -- "I love Hollywood. I think pictures are a form of art." (LESS GRAND) Say, where do I go at the end of the week to get my pay?

PICKEREL:

(WEARILY) Jim will show you. ...

JIM:

Yeah, and take it easier, honey, or you'll blow your top.

ANNALEE:

Now, don't you worry about me; I'm taking everything in my stride. Say, tell me something. If I go crazy, do they keep on paying me?

JIM:

Only if they go crazy, too. ... Do you wanna eat?

ANNALEE:

Do you mean now or in general?

JIM:

Have you had lunch?

ANNALEE:

Well, I want to eat in the studio restaurant where I can be seen.

JIM:

Oh, sure, sure. Maybe Loretta Young or Fred MacMurray will ask for your autograph.

ANNALEE:

And they shall have it!

JIM:

Pickerel, this girl's got something.

ANNALEE:

I'm not pretty and I can't act, but I've got a quality of sheer enthusiasm and electricity that will get over to an audience and give 'em a jag!

JIM:

Yeah, you got more than that.

ANNALEE:

I got delusions of grandeur, but in a very modest way.

PICKEREL:

I gotta go outside; I feel my ulcer coming on. ...

SOUND:

PICKEREL'S FOOTSTEPS TO DOOR WHICH OPENS AND SHUTS AS HE EXITS

JIM:

Well, shall we eat, Dynamo Girl?

ANNALEE:

I think you ought to eat very nourishing foods to help you keep your strength up because, I warn you, I am the only non-Mohammedan whirling dervish in captivity. I will run you ragged, but the experience will be worth the ten years it takes off your life. Now how much of your money can I spend for my lunch?!

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

SOUND:

CAFETERIA BACKGROUND (DINERS, UTENSILS, ET CETERA)

JIM:

Ann?

ANNALEE:

(UNINTERESTED) Mm?

JIM:

Annalee, aren't you going to eat?

ANNALEE:

(LETHARGIC) Ohhhh.

JIM:

Hey, swami. (SNAPS FINGERS) Come out of it.

ANNALEE:

I was just thinking.

JIM:

Any luck?

ANNALEE:

It's so tragic.

JIM:

What is so tragic, may I ask?

ANNALEE:

Here I am, at the height of my career--

JIM:

Hasn't even started yet.

ANNALEE:

Here I am, almost rich, almost loved, almost famous. The smallest accident could ruin everything.

JIM:

Like how?

ANNALEE:

Bacteria. A banana peel. Stepping on a cobra as I get out of bed. ...

JIM:

That figures.

ANNALEE:

(MELODRAMATIC SWEDISH ACCENT) Oh, it's so tragique. It's so sad.

JIM:

(MIMICS HER ACCENT) Oh, cut. ... (NORMAL VOICE) Who is that?

ANNALEE:

(SWEDISH ACCENT) Garbo! Pass the butta. ...

JIM:

Now, shall we undertake to make a fragment of sense?

ANNALEE:

Yes, please try, Jim.

JIM:

Oh, well. Imperial Pictures is going to give you the big build-up. That's my job here -- making mountains out of molehills. That used to be my specialty.

ANNALEE:

Used to be! I want somebody with experience!

JIM:

I was away from it for three years. The president greeted me.

ANNALEE:

(AS IF TO A BABY) Ah, you were in the war. (PRONOUNCED WAR-wah) Aw, which one?

JIM:

French and Indian. ...

ANNALEE:

Now I see why you have a slight limp.

JIM:

I was tomahawked by a slight Indian. ...

ANNALEE:

You were leading a charge? At whom against?

JIM:

It was against a desk in the Pentagon building. A full colonel kicked me out from under it.

ANNALEE:

Ah. ... (LIKE THE MOTHER IN A WAR MOVIE) Ah, but you're home again. You've come home to make me wealthy. That full colonel can never hurt you again.

GIRL'S VOICE:

(LOUSPEAKER) Calling Robert Cummings! Robert Cummings! Can you come to Stage Thirteen at once?

ANNALEE:

(SIGHS) Some day that shall happen to me.

JIM:

When?

GIRL'S VOICE:

(LOUSPEAKER) Calling Annalee Barker! Annalee Barker! Will you call Operator Five in London? Queen Elizabeth would chat with you. ...

JIM:

(ACCUSING) Annalee--

ANNALEE:

All right, so I slipped the girl a fin.

JIM:

(IMPRESSED) How would you like to handle my publicity?

ANNALEE:

I would not dream to presume upon the domain of skilled professional craftsmen skilled in their craft.

JIM:

All right, all right. I'll arrange an interview with Louella Parsons.

ANNALEE:

Good. What'll I ask her?

JIM:

We're going to try something different. Lolly's gonna ask you the questions.

ANNALEE:

(SCREWILY, WITH A KEY CHANGE NEAR THE END) Ooooohhhhh?

JIM:

It's a new approach.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

ANNALEE:

(RAPIDLY, WITHOUT PAUSE, BREATHLESS, FAST) There I was, Miss Parsons -- may I call you Lolly? There I was, Lolly, in Michigan, a complete failure. I was busted financially and likewise spiritually when I was fourteen and discovered that men do not like gabby dames with undistinguished faces. In addition, I'm stupid. But one day the dramatic society put on a play. I got the lead because I was the oldest and biggest girl in school and the rest is history. Do you realize how much they're paying me per week, Miss Parsons? Five hundred clams! ...

MUSIC:

BRIDGE ... THEN BEHIND NARRATION--

JIM:

(NARRATES) Everything was an act with Annalee. But she had something. I wasn't sure what. Underneath all the yah-ta-ta and pretense, there was something wistful and hungry and elusive.

ANNALEE:

(LIKE A NEEDY ROMANCE HEROINE) Jim? Jim, do you ever go out with girls?

JIM:

It's part of my profession.

ANNALEE:

Oh, I know you have a pipe, and probably a book and slippers. But are they enough?

JIM:

Next week, I'm buying a faithful dog. ...

ANNALEE:

Jim darling, the moonlight is bad for mad, mad people like me. Will you kiss me?

JIM:

I got news for you, there isn't any moon tonight.

ANNALEE:

Kiss me anyhow. ...

JIM:

Why?

ANNALEE:

I want to throw myself away. I want to melt into the darkness and to be one with eternity. I've got to stop thinking.

JIM:

You can't stop thinking.

ANNALEE:

Why can't I?

JIM:

You never started. ...

ANNALEE:

Jim-- Jim dear--

JIM:

Look, Annalee. Let me come quickly to the point, which is that you're real nutty, and I definitely do not want nutty dames to love. In addition, I was married once.

ANNALEE:

Ah! A society girl, and she was beautiful.

JIM:

A chorus girl, and she was terrible. ... You go get yourself somebody else, without wound stripes.

ANNALEE:

(TITTERS MERRILY) It's funny.

JIM:

Yeah, hilarious.

ANNALEE:

What a lovely sardonic joke. Is this then what I live for? To be the butt of a mocking, indifferent fate? Is it, I say? Is it?!

JIM:

Oh, cut it, cut it, cut it. Tone that down a little and don't breathe so hard.

ANNALEE:

(BRIEFLY DROPS ACT) Well, I keep smelling your pipe and it makes me sick! ...

JIM:

Annie, my girl, you need never want. You could make a good living just doing impersonations of yourself.

ANNALEE:

Jim, do I walk like a camel?

JIM:

(BEAT) When I was with Lawrence of Arabia, which was never-- ... --we were briefed in the concept that camels walked beautifully.

ANNALEE:

Are my hip bones like bicycle handlebars?

JIM:

No.

ANNALEE:

Like antlers?

JIM:

No.

ANNALEE:

Like hip bones?

JIM:

Noooo.

ANNALEE:

I'm worried.

JIM:

Why?

ANNALEE:

Well, my first screen test is tomorrow.

JIM:

Yeah, I know that.

ANNALEE:

It's got to be stupendous!

JIM:

It'll be even better than that. It'll be acceptable. ...

MUSIC:

BRIDGE ... THEN BEHIND NARRATION--

JIM:

(NARRATES) The next day, they shot the test -- the full treatment, the works. She came off the set looking pale and shaken. I took her to lunch. She couldn't eat much. Only a steak or two. ... Her eyes were wide, dry, and steady.

SOUND:

CAFETERIA BACKGROUND (NO DINERS, JUST UTENSILS)

JIM:

Come on, kid. Eat. Live.

ANNALEE:

(UNHAPPY) I can't.

JIM:

Which?

ANNALEE:

Neither.

JIM:

Aw, you were great today.

ANNALEE:

I could smell my acting.

JIM:

I disagree.

ANNALEE:

It was like the faint aroma of burning automobile tires. Recaps, yet! ... This is the end. I will go to my garage. I will close the door, the exhaust pipe of my sweet little Maxwell, and-- (MAKES NOISE OF CUTTING THROAT)

JIM:

(SCOFFS) Ah, that's the coward's way out.

ANNALEE:

Goodbye, Jim. Take care of yourself. I hope you'll find a better girl than I was to you.

JIM:

You weren't my girl.

ANNALEE:

I was, too!

JIM:

Well, much as I'm loathe to quarrel with you in your final hours, our relationship was that of fellow wage slaves.

ANNALEE:

I'll leave you a note of farewell.

JIM:

I'll murder you if you do.

ANNALEE:

Farewell, Jim, my beloved!

JIM:

Well, so long forever -- until this afternoon. We're going down to the harbor and help launch a new ship.

ANNALEE:

I shall be out of this world!

JIM:

When weren't you out of this world? ... Pick you up at your apartment at one o'clock.

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

JIM:

(NARRATES) At one on the nose, I buzzed the buzzer of Annalee's apartment.

SOUND:

BUZZER

JIM:

(NARRATES) And there wasn't any answer. I tried it again.

SOUND:

BUZZER

JIM:

(NARRATES) No answer. And I got worried. I got down on my knees in the hall and tried to smell gas under the door. I smelled fried onion. ... I got scared. I ran down to the garage in the back of the building.

SOUND:

JIM'S HURRIED FOOTSTEPS DOWN STAIRS

JIM:

(NARRATES) Sure enough, Annalee's garage door was closed and I could hear an engine running inside.

SOUND:

AUTO ENGINE RUNNING ... GARAGE DOOR RAISED

JIM:

(NARRATES) I lifted the door. A wave of fumes and monoxide surged out at me. I ran inside, yelling with grief. (YELLS) Annalee?! Annalee?! (COUGHS HORRIBLY BEHIND--)

ANNALEE:

(OFF) Hey, Jim! Hey, don't go in there! Do you wanna get dead?

JIM:

(YELLS, IN A PANIC) Annalee?! Where are ya?! Honey! Where are ya?! (COUGHS)

ANNALEE:

(OFF) Out here! Here I come!

SOUND:

ANNALEE'S RUNNING FOOTSTEPS INTO GARAGE

ANNALEE:

(COMING CLOSER) I'll save you! I'll save you!

JIM:

(HOARSELY) Let me go! (COUGHS)

ANNALEE:

Oh, come on! Isn't this wonderful?! Gorgeous starlet saves public relations man!

JIM:

Let me go, you dizzy doll!

SOUND:

AUTO ENGINE RECEDES AS JIM AND ANNALEE EMERGE FROM GARAGE

ANNALEE:

Ah, ha! Here we are. What a story!

JIM:

Oh, I'll kill ya. I'll kill ya in cold blood, if I have to send out for some! ... You planned it this way!

ANNALEE:

No, no. I was really gonna bump myself off.

JIM:

Why didn't ya then?

ANNALEE:

Well, I had to go back for my lipstick and my compact. I look bad enough alive.

JIM:

Oh. ... (CHANGE OF TONE) Aw, Peanut Brittle, don't ever give me a scare like that again.

ANNALEE:

(PLEASED) Rhubarb Pie, you thought I was dead! (PRONOUNCED DAY-ed) ...

JIM" I was afraid you were [?]

ANNALEE:

I notice you whipped off your coat to flap away the fumes from my limp and pitifully helpless form.

JIM:

(DRY) I was pulling off my coat to plug up any leaks in the garage.

ANNALEE:

Ah. ...

JIM:

(WEAKLY) Annie, I - I think I'm gonna-- (FAINTS)

SOUND:

JIM'S BODY SLUMPS TO GROUND

ANNALEE:

Jim? Jim! (YELLS) Help! Oh, he's passed out! Get a doctor! Newspaper reporters! Ambulance! Photographers! Heeee-eeeeelp! ...

MUSIC:

CURTAIN ... THEN IN BG

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

ANNOUNCER:

You are listening to the Four Star Playhouse dramatization of Robert Carson's Cospmopolitan magazine story, "The Incredible Annalee," starring Rosalind Russell, with Frank Lovejoy as Jim.

MUSIC:

UP, FOR SECOND ACT INTRO

JIM:

(NARRATES) The police came. So did the reporters. So did the photographers. Annalee got her publicity -- only there was a slight switch. Somehow the reporters got it that I was trying to end it all and Annalee rescued me. ... There was nothing wrong with me; it was relief that Annalee was safe that made me pass out. I revived in time to take Annalee to the dock and help launch the new ship.

SOUND:

DOCK BACKGROUND (BOAT HORN BLOWS, CROWD MURMURS, ET CETERA)

ANNALEE:

Gee whiz, you might have told me that all the beauty and glamor in Hollywood was gonna be out here today. How can I compete with them?

JIM:

Now, kid, you've got personality. Now, you get in there and get in the act now.

ANNALEE:

No, I don't want-- Waaaaaait! I see something goooood!

SOUND:

ANNALEE'S FOOTSTEPS HURRY OFF

JIM:

Come back here. (NO ANSWER) Ann? (NO ANSWER) Honey?! (NO ANSWER) Screwball?! ...

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

JIM:

(NARRATES) Annalee came back an hour later. She had, in tow, a big despondent-looking lieutenant commander with a crew haircut and the padding walk of a prizefighter. I didn't like it.

ANNALEE:

Commander Thornton Carlyle, this is Jim Malvern.

CARLYLE:

How are ya?

JIM:

(RECOGNIZES THE NAME; DISBELIEF) Thornton Carlyle?

ANNALEE:

Jim watches over me.

CARLYLE:

Hmmm?

ANNALEE:

At the studio.

CARLYLE:

Nice watchin'.

JIM:

It's an income.

ANNALEE:

I'm hungry.

CARLYLE:

So let's eat.

JIM:

(CALLS) Taxi!

CARLYLE:

(AFFRONTED) We'll go in my limousine.

ANNALEE:

(THRILLED) Limousine?! Did you hear that, Jim? This highly-decorated lieutenant commander possesses a limousine.

JIM:

How is it on carbon monoxide output, Commander?

CARLYLE:

(CONFUSED) Er, what's that you say?

ANNALEE:

Now, Jim, you must stop thinking those morbid thoughts.

JIM:

I am just--

ANNALEE:

Jim just tried to commit suicide this afternoon. I saved him.

JIM:

Oh, of all the out-and-out fabrications! That is--

ANNALEE:

Now, don't you try to deny it, Jim. It's in all the afternoon papers.

CARLYLE:

Well, come on. I know a seafood place that's terrif'!

ANNALEE:

Oh, good. Good-good-good. I'll order jellyfish.

JIM:

Jellyfish? They don't have jellyfish-- ...

ANNALEE:

But I can order it, can't I? And then you tell 'em who I am and it'll be on the radio that I eat jellyfish. Come on! I'm starving!

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

SOUND:

SEAFOOD RESTAURANT BACKGROUND (LOBSTER CRACKERS)

CARLYLE:

And there I was in the South Pacific with all those PT boats. I thought the war would never end.

ANNALEE:

Oh, Commander, you must [?] prolonging the war.

CARLYLE:

I beg your pardon?

JIM:

This dame can send you howling to the nearest snake pit.

CARLYLE:

Yeah? Well, I'm gonna have another drink. Annalee?

ANNALEE:

No, thanks, you hulking dipsomaniac. You know, alcohol might make you look good to me.

CARLYLE:

Well, now, that's a funny way for a woman to talk who deliberately picked me up.

ANNALEE:

I didn't pick you up. Anyhow, all the other girls had Navy men around them and there I was, alone -- an ugly duckling among swans.

JIM:

You are not ugly.

CARLYLE:

I'll thank you not to contradict a lady!

ANNALEE:

Attaboy, Navy! ...

CARLYLE:

Southern, ma'am.

ANNALEE:

I wanted a Naval escort like I saw with Virginia Mayo and Esther Williams, so I picked this big oaf.

CARLYLE:

Oh, now I'm an oaf!

ANNALEE:

Oh, I want men to admire me! I want to be loved! Instead, I am homely, obscure and unwanted.

JIM:

Oh, here she goes again. If Annalee fails in pictures, she's gonna kill herself, you know that?

ANNALEE:

Shut up.

CARLYLE:

Kill herself?

ANNALEE:

You shut up, too.

CARLYLE:

Well, how?

JIM:

Some involved gag with an exhaust pipe.

ANNALEE:

That's been changed. It'll be a gun! (LIKE A MOVIE GANGSTER'S MOLL) And I'm gonna take a couple o' you with me! ...

CARLYLE:

If I'd've known what it was like here in the States, I would never have come home.

JIM:

Let's go, Annalee.

CARLYLE:

Can I drop you somewhere?

ANNALEE:

(CHEERFUL) On what, and from what altitude? (HIGH-PITCHED, SCREWY GIGGLE) ...

JIM:

Annalee better come home with me, alone. Studio orders.

ANNALEE:

He lies in his teeth, but they're his teeth.

CARLYLE:

Annalee, I don't understand this at all.

ANNALEE:

(UPPER CRUST BRITISH ACCENT) My dear Commander, this has been perfectly charming. If I've said anything amiss at all, believe me, it's only because you are an ill-favored lout and deserve no better. Bless you and keep you, Commander.

CARLYLE:

Annalee, don't be like that! Can't you see I'm all--?

ANNALEE:

(OVER-THE-TOP INTENSITY) Oh, Thornton! Don't you understand? Suppose I should get to like you? I'm fighting that attraction now!

JIM:

Cut it, babe.

ANNALEE:

But if it gets too powerful, can we look forward to anything but tragedy?!

JIM:

Not a thing. ... Come on, Annalee, it's getting late.

ANNALEE:

No-no-no-no. This deep sea flounder here fatally fascinates me. I'm going with him!

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

JIM:

(NARRATES) I went home, reaping traffic tickets as I went. I had myself a problem, all right. I liked that girl too much. Suppose I told her that Thornton Carlyle was the biggest catch in the woods -- big money, first family, hero; all that. Where would I be? Then I thought that she, uh-- Well, she owed it to herself to make the most of the big flounder. Around midnight, I rang the buzzer at her apartment.

SOUND:

BUZZER ... APARTMENT DOOR OPENS

ANNALEE:

Dear boy! What a delightful surprise! Do stumble in. ...

SOUND:

DOOR SHUTS

JIM:

Uh, you were out with Commander Carlyle tonight.

ANNALEE:

So if I was? He treats me almost as if I were good-looking instead of just untalented. ...

JIM:

Well, Annalee, I feel I owe it to you to tell you that your big tight chum is none other than the Thornton Carlyle, second or third.

ANNALEE:

Isn't he rather big for an infielder? ...

JIM:

Annalee, Thornton Carlyle is the biggest catch since Moby Dick. Any romance with him is absolutely eighteen-carat publicity.

ANNALEE:

(LIKE A BIG MOVIE STAR TO HER PUBLICIST) Merci. If I decide to marry him, I shall let you know. As my publicity counsel, you will be the first to know it.

JIM:

Thanks.

ANNALEE:

I'll even tell you before I tell the commander.

JIM:

Oh, a scoop.

ANNALEE:

It's nothing really, dear boy, nothing.

JIM:

Well, that's it. Good night, dear girl.

ANNALEE:

(DROPS THE ACT) Jim?

JIM:

Yeah?

ANNALEE:

(BEAT, BIG MOVIE STAR AGAIN) You may kiss me -- dear boy. ...

JIM:

Okay. Just one short one on that loud mouth of yours and I'll be en route.

ANNALEE:

(BEAT, LIKES THE KISS) Mmm. (REALLY LIKES IT) Mmmmmmmm! (BEAT, APPRAISING) Not bad. ...

JIM:

I, er-- I'd better beat it, kid.

ANNALEE:

(DROPS THE ACT) Jim?

JIM:

Yeah?

ANNALEE:

You think I'm crazy, don't you?

JIM:

Well, you have your lucid moments. ...

ANNALEE:

Well, now, who would be most likely to attract attention in Hollywood? A sane girl or a daffy one?

JIM:

(SURPRISED) Annalee--! Annie, if you've been making a fool of me when all the time-- When all the time, I--

ANNALEE:

(A LITTLE NEEDY, QUIET) Yes, Jim? When all the time, you what?

JIM:

I-- (BEAT) Never mind. ...

ANNALEE:

All right. But Commander Carlyle is everything you say he is. A catch. (BIG MOVIE STAR AGAIN) Do I make myself clear?

JIM:

Yeah, dreadfully clear. By hook or crook, you're gonna marry that bum!

ANNALEE:

(DROPS ACT, CORRECTS HIM) By hook or crook, I'm gonna be married. Is that bad? And how bad, in your opinion? ...

JIM:

(COOL) I want to thank you for a very strange interlude. Goodbye, Annalee.

ANNALEE:

(MILDLY OFFENDED, CALLS AFTER HIM) Well, don't take any wooden Indians, Jim!

MUSIC:

BRIDGE ... THEN BEHIND NARRATION--

JIM:

(NARRATES) In the morning, I handed Pickerel my resignation as vice-president in charge of publicity for Annalee Barker. They set me to work sorting shiny pictures of movie stars. For a week, I kept clear of Annalee, but I couldn't help reading the papers. A couple of hep columnists predicted Annalee's marriage to Thornton Carlyle. And then on Monday morning, Annalee slouched into the office. I pegged the get-up right away -- a short tight skirt and a tight sweater -- the tough girl of a thousand affairs, hard and brittle, but willing to make the supreme sacrifice for a good man. Everybody in the office tuned in right away.

SOUND:

OFFICE DOOR SHUTS ... OFFICE FLUNKIES REACT WITH WOLF WHISTLES, ET CETERA ... ANNALEE'S HIGH-HEELED FOOTSTEPS WALK TO JIM BEHIND--

JIM:

(TO FLUNKIES) All right, all right, take it easy. Shut up, you guys, will ya?

ANNALEE:

(LIKE MAE WEST) Hello, Big Boy. ... Ya got a cigarette on ya, dark and deadly?

JIM:

Now, look-- ... Annalee--

ANNALEE:

(LIKE A TOUGH DAME) Jim. Ya gotta come back to me. Jim.

JIM:

(MIMICS HER) Ann. Ya gotta get out o' here. Ann. My breakfast is settlin'. Ann. ...

ANNALEE:

(DROPS ACT, PLAINTIVE) Oh, Jim, I didn't mean what I said the other night. I'm not really playing it smart to get me a husband. I'm really nuts!

JIM:

(EMBARRASSED) Oh, go home, Annalee. Ring off. The whole office is watching.

ANNALEE:

(TOUGH DAME AGAIN) Ya gotta believe me, Jim. ... I've lived hard and dangerously and thrown away the best things in my life for a gag. (MELODRAMATIC) Forgive me, Jim. Take me and my publicity back!

JIM:

Take you and your woman-of-a-thousand-faces away and start a movement of some kind.

ANNALEE:

(EXHALES, INCREASINGLY OVER-THE-TOP) I see. Then this is how it all ends! But I warn you, you can't cast me off like a broken flower! One day, I'll have my revenge! I'll humilate and shame you as you have humilated and shamed and degraded me!

SOUND:

ANNALEE WALKS TO OFFICE DOOR WHICH OPENS

ANNALEE: (GRAND CURTAIN LINE) Farewell, false heart!

SOUND:

ANNALEE EXITS AND SHUTS OFFICE DOOR ... FLUNKIES APPLAUD AND SHOUT "Author! Author!"

JIM:

(UPSET, TO FLUNKIES) Shut up!

SOUND:

FLUNKIES KEEP RIGHT ON APPLAUDING

JIM:

Shut up! (GIVES UP) I quit, I quit!

SOUND:

JIM WALKS TO OFFICE DOOR WHICH OPENS

JIM:

Farewell, false flunkies!

SOUND:

JIM EXITS AND SHUTS OFFICE DOOR

MUSIC:

BRIDGE

JIM:

(NARRATES) And that was definitely the last I saw of Annalee Barker -- in the role of "Sadie Thompson," that is. However, two weeks later, she returned as "Orphans of the Storm" -- both of them. ... I was at home, smoking my pipe and minding my own business, when the doorbell began to come out by the roots.

SOUND:

DOORBELL RINGS ... JIM'S FOOTSTEPS TO DOOR

JIM:

All right, all right! Granted, you want in! I'm coming!

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS

CARLYLE:

You hound, you!

JIM:

Oh, Commander Carlyle. Nice to see you.

CARLYLE:

Why, you contemptible cad!

ANNALEE:

(LIKE A NAIVE COUNTRY GIRL IN AN OLD MELODRAMA) I didn't want to come here, James. Truly, I did not. ...

JIM:

Well, come in. 'Tis a night for nary man nor beast.

SOUND:

ANNALEE AND CARLYLE'S STEPS IN ... DOOR CLOSES

JIM:

Now, what is this?

CARLYLE:

You know what it is!

ANNALEE:

I did not wish to come here. Truly, I did not.

JIM:

(SNIDELY) Cut, cut.

CARLYLE:

Don't you snarl at this fine, innocent girl! (SOLEMNLY) I asked her to marry me. She accepted. And then-- And then she--

ANNALEE:

How could I come to him a soiled dove?

JIM:

Soiled dove?! ...

CARLYLE:

Why, you dirty dog.

ANNALEE:

I told him about our affair.

CARLYLE:

You marry this woman or I'll slaughter you!

JIM:

Wait a minute, wait a minute! I know this act. (PLAYS ALONG, DEAD SERIOUS) Annie-- You're going to have a baby.

ANNALEE:

Uh huh. A girl. ...

JIM:

We'll call her Lynne. East Lynne.

CARLYLE:

Then it's true!

JIM:

What can I say, Commander?

CARLYLE:

I'm gonna knock you kickin', sir! Say the word, sweetheart, and I'll pulverize this--

ANNALEE:

(SPITEFUL) You don't dare! Big Jim Malvern is worth two of the likes of you!

CARLYLE:

I give up. I'm through.

JIM:

No, no, Commander! Marry her. Maybe you'll find out in time who she really is.

CARLYLE:

I wouldn't dare.

ANNALEE:

(OVER-THE-TOP SPITEFUL) Craven, poltroon, coward, and wretch!

CARLYLE:

Now what's she talking about?

JIM:

Firm of lawyers on Hill Street, I think. ...

CARLYLE:

Good night! Oh, for those quiet days on the PT boats again!

SOUND:

CARLYLE'S FOOTSTEPS TO DOOR WHICH SLAMS SHUT AS HE EXITS

JIM:

(QUIETLY, FRIENDLY) Hey? Peanut Brittle?

ANNALEE:

(EQUALLY SO) Oh, it was an act, Jim. I expected you to deny everything, of course.

JIM:

Annalee, what do you want out of life anyhow?

ANNALEE:

What everyone else wants out of life. Someone to love and someone to be loved by. When I wasn't pretty enough to get that, I settled for the next best thing -- a career. But I wasn't pretty enough for that, either. I had to do cartwheels and handstands. And I did them -- to win second best.

JIM:

You didn't really wanna be an actress?

ANNALEE:

Uh uh. Consolation prize only.

JIM:

What about those starring vehicles?

ANNALEE:

Perambulators.

JIM:

And big premieres?

ANNALEE:

Oh, twins would be a nice big start.

JIM:

What about spectacles?

ANNALEE:

Well, I'll bring them to you with your pipe and slippers. (CHUCKLES)

JIM:

Well, what about, uh -- this?

ANNALEE:

Oh. (IS KISSED AND LIKES IT, WITH A KEY CHANGE NEAR THE END) Mmmmmm-Mmmm! ...

SOUND:

DOOR OPENS

CARLYLE:

Uh, Jim, what if that havin' a baby is just another--? Well, pardon me!

SOUND:

DOOR SLAMS HURRIEDLY ...

JIM:

(COMES OUT OF KISS, EXHALES) And cut, baby.

ANNALEE:

(SEDUCTIVE) Oh, no, Jim. Can't we have a - retake? ...

MUSIC:

FINAL CURTAIN

SOUND:

APPLAUSE ... THEN PHONE RINGS ... RECEIVER UP

RUSSELL:

Four Star Playhouse, Rosalind Russell speaking.

MACMURRAY:

(FILTER) This is Fred MacMurray, Roz. As if you didn't know.

RUSSELL:

Fred MacMurray! Well, how nice of you to call. As if you liked the show.

MACMURRAY:

(FILTER) As if I didn't. Heh, and I'm seriously considering asking your Incredible Annalee to co-star with me next Sunday when I do "Cory" on the Four Star Playhouse.

RUSSELL:

"Cory"? What's that? Tell us about it.

MACMURRAY:

(FILTER) It's the story of a man who's known simply as Cory -- a man from the wrong side of the tracks who falls in love with an uptown girl. It's a tense, bitter story with a lot of punch, but with plenty of heart. Good strong love story, too.

RUSSELL:

It sounds very potent, Fred. And I'll be at the radio, pulling my handkerchief to shreds.

MACMURRAY:

(FILTER) Okay, Roz. Thanks. Good night.

RUSSELL:

Goodbye, Fred, and thanks for calling.

SOUND:

RECEIVER DOWN

RUSSELL:

And good night, friends. Tune in Fred next Sunday, mmm-mm?

SOUND:

APPLAUSE

MUSIC:

THEME ... THEN IN BG

ANNOUNCER:

You have been listening to Four Star Playhouse, tonight starring Rosalind Russell in Robert Carson's story, "The Incredible Annalee," adapted for radio by Milton Geiger. Frank Lovejoy was featured as Jim Malvern. Others in the cast were Betty Moran, George Neise, and Ken Christy. Four Star Playhouse is directed by Warren Lewis. Music composed and conducted by Albert Harris. Portions were transcribed. Rosalind Russell will soon be seen in the Columbia Pictures comedy, "Tell It to the Judge."

Each week at this time, one of our Four Star Players -- Fred MacMurray, Loretta Young, Robert Cummings, and Rosalind Russell -- will be heard in a special adaptation of a popular fiction story selected from Cosmopolitan magazine, written by the world's foremost fiction authors. On future weeks, you will hear Loretta Young in "Once Upon a Horse" by Virginia Faulkner and Robert Cummings in "Surprise for the Professor."

Next week on Four Star Playhouse, Fred MacMurray will be starred in Leo Rosten's thrilling novel "Cory."

MUSIC:

FOR A BIG FINISH

SOUND:

APPLAUSE ... FADES FOR--

2ND ANNCR:

Break that match, douse that fire! Get a little careless and you'll land among the Guilty Nine. Who are the Guilty Nine? They're the people who are responsible for nine out of ten forest fires that are caused by carelessness. Last year, forest fires blackened thirty million acres of rich American forest land, an area the size of New York state. The lumber that was destroyed would have built eighty-six thousand five-room houses. America's safety and future -- your safety and future -- are as sound as our natural resources. Help conserve our forests. Crush out all cigarette, cigar, and pipe ashes. Break that match in two before you throw it away. Drench campfires twice before leaving them. It's your country -- save it from fire!

MUSIC:

THEME ... THEN BEHIND ANNOUNCER--

ANNOUNCER:

In just a few moments, you are going to hear another of the NBC Symphony summer concerts. And one hour from now, Ethel Merman is sure to delight you in her own new show. For the best in entertainment all evening long, keep your dial tuned to your favorite NBC station. This is NBC, the National Broadcasting Company.

MUSIC:

NBC CHIMES