MUSIC: DRAMATIC CHORD, UNDER FORMAN: RCA Victor, world-leader in radio, first in recorded music, and first in television, presents, transcribed, "The Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show"! MUSIC: RCA FANFARE, THEN THEME UP, THEN UNDER FORMAN: For your enjoyment, here is the Phil Harris-Alice Faye Show. Written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevillat. With Elliott Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Jeanine Roose, Anne Whitfield, Walter Scharf and his music, and yours truly Bill Forman. MUSIC: OUT FORMAN: When Alexander Graham Bell inventeed the telephone, he did it for the benefit of humanity. However, he didn't take into consideration that someday, Phil Harris might use it, and almost cause a-- But more about that later. First a word from RCA Victor! MUSIC: DRAMATIC 4-NOTE FANFARE FORMAN: Your record-playing will be easier with RCA Victor's new VICTROLA Automatic 45 Record-Changer. Even a child can load and play this wonderful changer with one hand. And here's why... 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MUSIC: RCA FANFARE, THEN THEME UP, THEN UNDER FORMAN: And now, the stars of the RCA Victor Program, Alice Faye and Phil Harris! MUSIC: SEGUE INTO "ROSE ROOM" UP, THEN OUT FORMAN: For quite some time now, Alice has been after Phil to clean out the desk in the study. But, like most men, he keeps putting it off. However, Alice has insisted that he do it today. And, as we look in, she's helping him. HARRIS: Honey, why do I have to clean out this desk? I like it the way it is. FAYE: How CAN you like it? It's the messiest desk I've ever seen. It hasn't been cleaned out since the day we were married. It's full of junk! HARRIS: It may be junk to you, but not to me. Everything in this desk means something to me. And it's not messy either. I know where everything is. For example, in this pigeon-hole, I have a complete collection of imported and domestic champagne corks. And in THIS pigeon-hole, I've got a stack of old Paramutual tickets. And in THIS pigeon-hole, I've got a pressed olive, from my first martini. FAYE: And what have you got in THIS pigeon-hole? HARRIS: Pigeons. I thought I'd add a note o' gaiety to a boring past. FAYE: I don't think you're kidding. Look! They've built a nest in THAT hole. HARRIS: Naw, that's not a nest! Those are... locks of hair that I... collected from my... former girlfriends. FAYE: Oh? Where they all redheads? All you have here is red hair. HARRIS: No. That clump is all from the same girl. Ehh, she used to be nuts about me! I saw quite a bit o' her, and every time we went out on a date, she gave me a lock of her hair. (BEAT) I wonder what happened to ol' Melonhead. FAYE: All right, Phil. Let's start by throwing away all these old papers, huh? SFX: RUSTLE OF PAPERS BEING GATHERED INTO A BUNDLE, UNDER HARRIS: Yeah, there's nothin' here but bills and old letters and notes. (FINDS SOMETHING) Hey, Alice? SFX: RUSTLING OUT FAYE: Hm? HARRIS: What's this piece o' paper with the phone number on it? FAYE: Oh? Is- is there any name on it? HARRIS: No name, just a phone number. T-E-oh-four-eight-oh. Whose number is it? FAYE: Well, how should I know? HARRIS: Well, it's in your handwriting, and it's written on a piece o' your green stationery. (BEAT) Alice... What are ya hidin' from me? FAYE: What makes you think I'm hiding something? HARRIS: This is a MAN'S phone number, if I ever saw one. FAYE: Phil, I tell you, I don't-- (SWITCH) What do you mean, it's a MAN'S phone number? How can you tell? HARRIS: Because if it was a woman's phone number, it would be in MY handwriting. (AD LIBS, CHUCKLING) I don't think I should'a said that. (UP) Alice, don'tcha have any idea whose number this is? FAYE: No, I don't. It- it may be a salesman, or a new laundry, or- or anything. Just forget it. HARRIS: No, I'm not gonna forget it. I gotta find out whose number this is, and there's only one way to find out. I'll call the number right now, and see who answers. SFX: WALKING TO PHONE, UNDER HARRIS: (SOTTO) Wonder what she's keepin' from me. I gotta find out, or I ain't gonna be able to sleep tonight. SFX: LIFTS RECEIVER ... DIALS PHONE, UNDER HARRIS: T...E...oh...four...eight...oh. SFX: RINGING TONE FROM CALLER'S PERSPECTIVE ... ANSWERED FROM CALLER'S PERSPECTIVE OPER: (FILTER) This is the Operator. What number are you calling, please? HARRIS: T-E-oh-four-eight-oh. OPER: (BEAT. FILTER) Whose calling, please? HARRIS: Phil Harris. OPER: (FILTER) Just a moment, Sir. (SLIGHTLY OFF) Myrtle, get the police, quick! Some guy named Phil Harris is calling that gang leader's number! HARRIS: (VERY FAST) Gang leader? Police? Never mind, Operator! I got the wrong number! Forget about it! Hangin' up! SFX: SLAMS DOWN PHONE HARRIS: (SOTTO) What would Alice be doin' with a gang leader's phone number? Is she leadin' a double life, or...? FAYE: (APPROACHING) Well, Phil, did you call the number? HARRIS: Yes, I did. I called that number, and I heard the Operator say it's a GANG LEADER'S number. FAYE: Now, what would I be doing with a gang leader's number? HARRIS: That's what I wanna know! FAYE: I don't understand this. Phil, give me a little time, and- and maybe I'll remember how I got it. HARRIS: Okay, okay. I'm gonna sing a two-minute song. And when I'm finished, you better have an answer! PHIL'S SONG: "DON'T LET THE STARS GET IN YOUR EYES" SFX: FIST POUNDING ON FRONT DOOR (SLIGHTLY OFF), UNDER COP: (SLIGHTLY OFF, YELLING) All right, open up in there! This is the police! Come on out, or we're comin' in after ya! HARRIS: (SOTTO) Oh, my singin' COULDN'T have been THAT bad! (CALLING) Come in? SFX: DOOR OPENS COP: You Phil Harris? HARRIS: Yeah. COP: D'you make a phone call to this number, T-E-oh-four-eight-oh? HARRIS: Well, uh, uh, yeah. COP: You're under arrest. All right, Joe; put the cuffs on him! SFX: CLICK-CLICK OF HANDCUFFS, UNDER HARRIS: Now, wait a minute! Take them city hall slave bracelets offa me! What am I under arrest for? COP: Well, this phone number belongs to a notorious gang leader, and if you called it, you must be one o' the gang! HARRIS: (CHUCKLING) Aw, Officer, you're makin' a mistake. You don't want to arrest ME. You want to arrest my wife. It's HER number. COP: All right, Joe. You keep an eye on this one. I'll go find his wife, and I'll-- FAYE: (APPROACHING) Phil, did you explain to the police that (SEES PHIL) Oh, no... They've got HANDCUFFS on him! COP: Lady, do you know anything about this phone number? FAYE: Well, yes, but I-- COP: That's all I wanna know. Get another pair o' handcuffs for her, Joe! HARRIS: Don't bother, Joe. She can have mine. SFX: RATTLE OF CUFFS, UNDER HARRIS: Here, honey. Be my guest. FAYE: Oh, now, just a minute, Officer. What's this all about? COP: We're tryin' to find a certain gang leader whose mob has been robbing banks all over town. HARRIS: What's he look like? COP: It's not a man; it's a woman. She's a little old lady, with grey hair. She walks with a limp. HARRIS: Well, you can see MY wife ain't the one. (BEAT) She ain't got no limp. Go ahead; walk for the man, honey. (ALICE DOES) HARRIS: Her gout acts up now and then. COP: Now, we know she's not the ol' lady. But if she's got this phone number, she might be one o' the gang. C'mon, Joe! Let's take her down to headquarters for questioning. FAYE: (REASONABLY) Now, look, Officer. I don't remember where I got the phone number, and I don't know anything about an old lady gang leader. After all, Officer, I'm Alice Faye, and really, I-- COP: (IMPRESSED) Alice Faye? Didja hear that, Joe? This is Alice Faye! HARRIS: (BEAT) Joe don't talk much, does he? COP: Joe, take the handcuffs off this guy. I'm sorry, Miss Faye. We made a mistake. We won't bother you any more. But if you happen to remember where you got that phone number, get in touch with us, right away. And don't try to call that number again, because we trace every call that's made to it. FAYE: Oh, don't worry. We'll never call that number again! COP: Oh, uh, by the way... Keep this whole thing quiet. We're about to arrest this old lady; we don't want any leaks until we round up the rest o' the gang. So long, folks. SFX: DOOR OPENS FAYE: Goodbye! HARRIS: So long, Officer! Goodbye, Joe! SFX: DOOR SLAM HARRIS: Nice fellow, that Joe. Wasn't much to look at, but nice. (SWITCH) Aw, honey, do you realize we almost got arrested? Now, where did ya get that phone number? FAYE: I don't know, Phil. Lemme see that piece of paper again. (LOOKS AT IT) It's on my green stationery, all right. But... (NOTICES) Wait a minute! This isn't my handwriting! It... it just LOOKS like it! HARRIS: Well, honey, you've got to remember who gave you this phone number! Now, whoever it must be, is workin' for this ol' lady. He's one o' the gang, and when we find out who it is, it's our duty to turn him over to the police... SFX: DOORBELL HARRIS: ...because you-- (CALLING) Come in! SFX: DOOR OPENS ELLIOTT: Hi, Curly! Hello, Alice! SFX: DOOR CLOSES HARRIS: Aw, hello, Elliott! ELLIOTT: Hey, Alice, did you find a phone number that I wrote on a piece o' your green stationery? MUSIC: FIRST FOUR NOTES OF "DRAGNET" THEME, LOUD ELLIOTT: (BEAT) What was that? HARRIS: (BEAT) We're listening to "Dragnet" on the radio. FAYE: Elliott... (SHOWS HIM THE NUMBER) Is- is this the number you're looking for? ELLIOTT: Yeah, that's it! I musta left it on your desk. HARRIS: (BEAT. SOTTO) Alice, do you think...? FAYE: (SOTTO) Why not? With him, ANYTHING is possible. HARRIS: Elliott, now I wanna ask you something, and I want a straight answer! This phone number that you wrote down... did you... (TRYING TO BE NONCHALANT) ever call it before? ELLIOTT: Sure! I call it nearly every night. HARRIS: Every...? (BEAT) Elliott... tell me. (SLOWLY) Whose phone number is this? ELLIOTT: My mother's. MUSIC: FIRST FOUR NOTES OF "DRAGNET" THEME, LOUD ELLIOTT: Will you turn off that radio?! It's makin' me jumpy. Every time I say somethin', DA-DA-DUM-DUM! What's goin' on here? HARRIS: (SERIOUSLY) Elliott... How long have you... known your mother? ELLIOTT: (BEAT) Well, we first met in the hospital. HARRIS: (BEAT) What were ya there for? ELLIOTT: I don't remember, but I was told I was being born, at the time. What'sa matter, Curly? Don't you feel well? HARRIS: No, not too well, not too well. Look, Pal. I never met your mother. (BEAT) What does she look like? ELLIOTT: She's a nice-lookin' old lady with grey hair. HARRIS: (SOTTO) An ol' lady with grey hair? Fits so far. (UP) Now, I want you to think carefully about this one. ELLIOTT: M-hm. HARRIS: Now, this is an important question. (BEAT) How does your mother walk? ELLIOTT: (BEAT) Like Charlie Chaplin. (CHUCKLING) Mom gets a little hokey, once in a while. (SWITCH) What kind of a question is that? HARRIS: Elliott, this is no time to be funny! Now, this is an important thing, and I gotta KNOW! How does your mother walk? ELLIOTT: (BEAT) She puts one foot forward, then her other foot forward, and then her other foot forward. HARRIS: (BEAT) No wonder she limps. She's got THREE legs! ELLIOTT: How'd you know my mom limps? FAYE: Oh, somebody told us. Elliott... Elliott, how does your mother make a living? What does she do with herself, nights? ELLIOTT: Oh, various things. Some nights, she plays basketball with Phillips' Oilers. She's the jump Centre. Other nights, she's the night watchman at the Republic garbage disposal plant. HARRIS: (FRUSTRATED) All right, Elliott! ELLIOTT: And one night a week, she drives an oil truck over the Ridge Route to Oakland. No hands. HARRIS: Stop givin' us them stupid answers! ELLIOTT: Then, stop givin' me them stupid questions! And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to call my mother. May I? FAYE: Not on MY phone. ELLIOTT: (SOTTO) How d'ya like that? With all her money, she's too cheap to let me use her phone. (TO ALICE) Look, I'll pay ya for it. I'll give ya the nickel. FAYE: It costs TEN cents. But I'm still not gonna let you use it. ELLIOTT: All right, then. I'll go down to the corner drugstore to call. HARRIS: Yeah, I think it's better that way. Now look, Elliott, when you call your mother, don't talk too long. Hang up fast; run back here, and we'll hide ya in the cellar. ELLIOTT: What'sa matter with you people? The way you talk, you'd think the police were tapping my mother's phone, because she was a crook! MUSIC: FIRST FOUR NOTES OF "DRAGNET" THEME, LOUD ELLIOTT: (FADING) Oh, I gotta get outta this house! I'll see ya later! SFX: DOOR OPEN ... DOOR SLAM FAYE: Phil, do you suppose there's a mistake someplace? HARRIS: The police don't make no mistakes! They know who the phone number belongs to, and Elliott admits that it's his mother! She fits the description. FAYE: Well, obviously, Elliott doesn't know anything about this. Phil... Phil do you think we oughtta call the police, and turn her in? HARRIS: (SADLY) No, no, no, honey. I can't squeal on Elliott's little ol' mother. FAYE: Well, then, what are ya gonna do? HARRIS: I don't know. I gotta have time to think. FAYE: Well, look, honey... Would it help you to think better if- if I were to sing to you? HARRIS: No, but you're gonna do it anyway, so go ahead. But don't sing too loud. It's liable to bring Joe and that other cop back. ALICE'S SONG: "SIDE BY SIDE" FAYE: So, Phil, did you think of anything? Did you decide what to do? HARRIS: (SADLY) No, honey. I dunno what to do. I... I can't turn Elliott's mother in. FAYE: But, well, dontcha think you oughtta tell Elliott about it, and-- HARRIS: (SADLY) How do you tell your best friend that his mother is a three-legged bank robber? Poor Elliott. I feel so bad for him. Don't you realize he's like a brother to me. It's gonna be an awful blow when they arrest his mother. Aw, I guess I'm an old softy, but... (STARTING TO CRY) It's enough to make a man cry. (SOBBING) Oh, Alice, I can't go in there and tell him the truth... TETLEY: (CALLING, AS HE APPROACHES) Anybody home? I brung the... (SEES PHIL) So, what's wrong with the Tennessee Tearjerk today? HARRIS: Aw, Julius, I'm so unhappy, I... TETLEY: What'sa matter, Camille? I ain't seen you cry like this since your still exploded. HARRIS: (CRYING) I got a good reason to cry, because-- (SWITCH) That was two years ago. (CRYING) I- I got a friend whose mother is, is... TETLEY: Mr. Harris, please, you GOTTA stop cryin'. I can't STAND to see ya cry! HARRIS: (SNIFFLING) You can't? TETLEY: No. With all them tears runnin' down your wrinkles, it makes your kisser look like a field o' irrigation ditches! HARRIS: (ANNOYED) They don't look like irrigation ditches! TETLEY: Flooded rice paddies? HARRIS: Julius, please. I'm not in the mood for this. An awful thing happened today, and I'm terribly worried about it. TETLEY: Well, don't brood about it. Be philosophical, like Little Orphan Annie. (NOBLY) After all, into every life, a little rain must fall. But remember, every cloud has a silver linin', and soon the (FLUBS) shun-- sun will come boistin' through, and shower ya with its golden radiance! HARRIS: (BEAT. AD-LIBS) I didn't get that that was gonna come bustin' through. Run that through once more, kid. And don't shove it so hard this time. Just let it go through on its own, willya? TETLEY: Remember, every cloud has a silver linin', and soon the sun will come boistin' through, and shower ya with its golden radiance! HARRIS: All right, kid. All right. TETLEY: So, don't sit here and fret. (SINGING, GOING ALL VAUDEVILLE) Grab your coat, and get your hat. Leave your worries on the doorstep. Just direct your feet to the sunny side o' the street! HARRIS: (CHUCKLING) I said, all right! TETLEY: (SINGS) Can't you hear that pitter-pat...? (SPEAKS, A LA JOLSON) Are ya listenin' to me, Pappy? Can't ya hear the pitter-patter o' dem little raindrops? They're fallin' on ya, Mac, so don't sit there like a wet sponge! Get out in the sun, and dry up! (SINGS) I used to walk in the sha-a-de... HARRIS: WILL YOU SHUT UP??? Now, shut up! TETLEY: (A LA TED LEWIS) Is ev'rybody miserable? HARRIS: That was little Julius Abbruzzio, contestant number seven. The applause meter showed absolutely nothing. Would you bring your fam-- FAYE: (SMOOTHLY TAKING CHARGE) Never mind; never mind, Phil. What are we gonna do about Elliott's mother? TETLEY: What about his mudder? HARRIS: I been tryin' to tell ya, Harry. I just found out a shocking thing. Mr. Lewis' mother is the leader of a gang of bank robbers! TETLEY: Mr. Harris, do you mean to stand there and tell me that the mudder o' Mr. Lewis is a crook??? HARRIS: Yeah! TETLEY: It figures. HARRIS: It does NOT figure! The poor ol' lady probably doesn't know what she's doin'. TETLEY: Oh, I'm SURE she don't. I deliver groceries to her, and she seems like a nice old lady. HARRIS: Then, we gotta help her! We gotta go over and talk to her. TETLEY: Yez can count on me! I'm wit' yez! HARRIS: Well, thanks, kid. It's nice to know that you is wit' mez. FAYE: Phil... Phil, maybe you oughtta talk to Elliott first. HARRIS: No, honey; I don't want him to know about this. We'll just go over and talk to his mother, and try to make her see the light. TETLEY: Come on, Mr. Harris! I'll drive ya over to her house, in my grocery truck. MUSIC: SCAMPERING, SLIGHTLY UNEASY DESCENDING TRANSITIONAL, ENDING ON A VAGUELY OMINOUS CHORD FAYE: (SOTTO, WORRIED) Oh, gee, Phil and Julius have been gone for two hours. I wonder how they're doing with Elliott's mother. (SWITCH) Maybe she shot them, and their poor bodies are-- SFX: DOORBELL FAYE: Oh, maybe THAT'S Phil! (CALLING) Come in! SFX: DOOR OPENS ELLIOTT: Hi, Alice! SFX: DOOR CLOSES FAYE: (WARMLY) Aw... Aw, it's you, Elliott. ELLIOTT: Where's Curly? FAYE: Well, uh, uh... W-well, he... He went over to your mother's house. ELLIOTT: My mother's house? FAYE: M-hm. ELLIOTT: What for? FAYE: Elliott... (SYMPATHETIC) Come here, dear. ELLIOTT: Hm? FAYE: There's something... Something you should know. And now that... now that Phil isn't here... I'm gonna tell you. You see, Elliott, I-- ELLIOTT: (PASSIONATE) Say no more, Darling! I've known for a long time that you love me madly! FAYE: (A LA JULIUS) Hehhh??? ELLIOTT: I've seen it in your eyes, and although it's bigger than the both of us, we must fight it. FAYE: (RAISING A HAND TO STOP HIM) Elliott! ELLIOTT: No, don't touch me. You must try to forget me for Curly's sake. Go away someplace. Join the Foreign Legion or something. FAYE: Elliott, please! I-- ELLIOTT: You may give me a farewell kiss on the hand... One finger at a time... And no nibbling. FAYE: Stop it! That's not what I'm trying to tell you. This is serious. Elliott, we just found out that your mother is a bank robber! ELLIOTT: Well, bully for Mom! She wasn't doing too well as a crooked jockey. FAYE: Oh, now, Elliott... Elliott, stop joking! ELLIOTT: Then you stop makin' nasty cracks about my mother! She's a sweet old lady, and I ain't gonna let nobody call her a bank robber. FAYE: Elliott, she only SEEMS to be a sweet old lady. You see, Phil dialled that number you left here, and the police came over and told us it's the number of a notorious woman bank robber. ELLIOTT: (BEAT) My MOTHER'S number? FAYE: Yes. T-E-oh-four-eight-oh. ELLIOTT: T-E??? FAYE: M-hm. ELLIOTT: Alice, ya got the right number, but the wrong (CHUCKLING) exchange. My mother's exchange isn't T-E. It's T-I. MUSIC: FIRST FOUR NOTES OF "DRAGNET" THEME, LOUD ELLIOTT: Is that show on all afternoon??? FAYE: Elliott... Elliott, you mean we dialled the wrong number??? I could have sworn it was T-E! ELLIOTT: I always make my I's like a E. FAYE: Oh, this is awful. Your mother's not a bank robber, but Phil and Julius are over there, talking to her as if she were. They're trying to make her go straight and keep her out of the hands of the police! ELLIOTT: (LAUGHING HARD) Alice, this is the funniest thing I ever heard! I could just see Curly over there, talkin' to my mother like she was a bank robber! (LAUGHS DELIGHTEDLY) SFX: DOOR OPENS HARRIS: (APPROACHING) Hey, Alice? Alice, we're-- (SEES HER) Oh, there ya are. Look. We just went over and saw Elliott's mother, and (SEES HIM. UNEASY) Oh, Elliott; you're here. ELLIOTT: (KNOWING SMILE) Yeah, Curly. Alice told me what you found out about my mother. How IS Machinegun Molly? HARRIS: Oh, she's safe now, Elliott. Julius and I took care o' that. See, we figured the only way to keep her outta the hand o' the police was to get her outta the country. ELLIOTT: (HORRIFIED) Outta the country??? Curly, you mean--??? HARRIS: Right now, she's in the back o' Julius' truck, on her way to Tijuana! MUSIC: CLOSING TRANSITIONAL FORMAN: Alice and Phil will be back in just a moment. Whatever your home decorating scheme, there's a new RCA Victor television set designed to fit it perfectly! Because, for fifty-three, RCA Victor brings you television that's forty-two ways handsomer. A choice of forty-two different combinations, styles and finishes. The greatest selection in RCA Victor history. You'll find many beautiful sets, styled to complement modern or traditional furniture. A good example is the clean-cut, handsome table model KIRBY, RCA Victor's lowest-priced twenty-one-inch television. But new RCA Victor TV brings you more than beauty. It brings you the new automatic MAGIC MONITOR circuit system. New long-distance reception. And an improved deep-image picture tube. Yet, prices still start as low as one-hundred-ninety-nine dollars and ninety-five cents. Choose the perfect set for your home, at your RCA Victor dealer's, tomorrow. And, for expert installation and service, buy an RCA Victor Factory Service Contract. Another reason why every year, more people buy RCA Victor than any other television! MUSIC: RCA VICTOR FANFARE, THEN "ROSE ROOM", THEN OUT HARRIS: This is Phil again. Folks, next week, I'm making a personal appearance at the San Francisco Automobile Show, from March twenty-first through March twenty-ninth. And we have a great show, including the Sportsmen Quartet, Barbara Perry, the Stuart Morgan Dancers, the Honey Brothers, and Walter Scharf and his thirty-piece orchestra. And don't forget, that's March twenty-first through March twenty-ninth, and I hope that all o' my friends in the Bay Area will drop in and say hello, and we'll promise you an hour of wonderful entertainment. And here's something else that'll be of interest to all o' you people. On March nineteenth, the Motion Picture Academy Awards will be brought into your homes on NBC Radio and Television, through the courtesy of RCA Victor. So, don't forget to tune into the Academy Awards, on March nineteenth. Thanks, and goodnight. FAYE: Goodnight, everybody! MUSIC: CLOSING THEME, UP, THEN OUT FORMAN: Included in this program, transcribed, were Paula Victor and Jack Kruschen. The part of Julius was played by Walter Tetley. MUSIC: OUT ELLIOTT: Hey, Curly, what's that record you've been carryin' around all day? HARRIS: Oh, Elliott, I'm modest. I'd rather not say. ELLIOTT: Okay. HARRIS: Wait a minute! Since you insist, it just happens, by mere chance, to be my latest RCA Victor recording. On this 45 extended-play record, I sing FOUR of my GRAHNNNDEST hits. "The Preacher and the Bear", "Smoke, Smoke, Smoke That Cigarette", "Is It True What They Say About Dixie?", and-- ELLIOTT: Okay, okay, lemme hear 'em. HARRIS: Not for FREE. Not on your life. You can get my new RCA Victor 45 extended-play record album, with four big hits, for only one dollar and forty cents, at any record dealer's. MUSIC: CLOSING THEME, UP, THEN OUT ANNCR: Next, hear "Theatre Guild On the Air", over NBC. NBC CHIMES